looking back?

December 10, 2009 = Lucas is 1

It's amazing how quickly that happened. Still, today is Lucas' birthday. I still have a photo on my phone of the first day I ever met him. He was around two weeks old. That picture looks so much different from this:


Today, when I called my sister to tell her Happy Birthday for Lucas, she was quick to inform me that he was now facing forwards. (In my mind..."what is she talking about?") Apparently at year 1, children's car seats can be turned around from rear facing to forward facing. She started laughing and said, "yep, now he can see where we're going instead of only seeing where we've been."

We talked for a few more minutes, and then I had to go. However, the dork in me had been alerted. My mind wrapped around that sentence and I began to ponder it's relevance to life. Not only Lucas' life, but each of our lives as well.

How often do you find your mind consumed with your life that is behind you? Regardless of if it is 2 feet or 2 miles behind you. You are still mad at that person. You are trying to understand where that year went. You are reminiscing with high school or college friends about the "good ole' days." (I can remember so many stories that my grandmother would tell about her childhood and young adulthood. It will be sad to not hear any of those stories again this Christmas.)

Now, I will be the first person to argue the value and significance of remembering and contemplating the past. However, that is not what I am talking about here. I'm talking about being so caught up in the mundane and petty circumstances which trap your gaze and turn your attention to life gone by.

How often do you turn around and consciously look forward to where you are headed? I believe this is one great weakness in our culture. Our ability to envision the future, to dream, to imagine the fullness of what the Lord will take us into is gravely missing. You may have "plans for the future" and even be actively moving toward those goals. Still, I would wager that your gaze is more often than not set on the life you've lived and not on the life that awaits you.

As we celebrate Christmas with friends and family, I challenge you to turn 1! Let your seat be rotated so that you can see where you're going instead of where you've been. Christmas is a celebration of the story of Christ's arrival. Moreover, it is a celebration of the story that is yet to come as He continues to reign over His Kingdom.

May you remember your past. May you remind yourselves of the story of your life and the even larger story to which you belong. Yet, may you set your gaze forward. May you see and believe for the life that lies ahead. May you see the beauty of Him who is leading you onward.

twitter saves my phone

If you don't know what Twitter is, it is simply another social networking website. Someone can update their Twitter page with a "tweet" and all of the people who follow them on Twitter (just like your "friends" on facebook) can see the update. Feel free to check it out for yourself.

My friend Alan Meincke convinced me to get on Twitter a while back and I have enjoyed it for the most part. However, after the events of last Thursday, I really appreciate being on Twitter.

In a way that I have yet to figure out, my phone fell out of my pocket while I was in chapel at Asbury. Within moments of leaving chapel I realized I didn't have my phone. After an unsuccessful return in search of it, I assumed that my phone was long gone. For the rest of the afternoon, I began wondering how much it would cost to buy a new phone and how difficult it was going to be to retrieve numbers that I had stored in my contact list.

However, right before I finished my last class of the day, I received an email informing me that my phone was in the student center and I should come by to pick it up. Beyond being relieved, I began wondering not only how it found its way to the student center, but also how they had identified the phone as mine.

So this is how the phone was traced back to me. Upon being turned in at the student center, the lady working the desk began scrolling through the contacts in my phone to see if she recognized any of the names. She apparently recognized the names of several other seminary students in my phone and called their phones in the hope that they would be able to identify whose phone had called theirs. After four unsuccessful attempts, the lady saw the "twitter" contact in my phone. (one feature of Twitter is that you can 'text' an update from your phone and it uploads to your profile) Therefore, Jessica, the lady working the desk, sent a tweet to my profile stating "your phone is at the student center. please come get it :)"

After uploading the tweet, she logged into her Twitter account. Because she is a friend who follows me on Twitter, she saw that my profile had been updated with the status "your phone is at the student center. please come get it :)". Now realizing my profile had been updated from the tweet she sent using the "lost" phone, she emailed me to let me know that she had my phone.

On one hand, this seems like a crazy way to go about identifying the owner of a phone. At the same time, it is yet another function of Twitter which makes me happy that Alan convinced me to get on it. I'm sure that the creators of Twitter never imagined this social networking site would be used to locate lost cell phones. But alas, it has.


So to Alan, I say: Thank you!
To Jessica, I say: Thank you!
And to Twitter, I say: Thank you!

Phone crisis averted. Peace retained. Communication still in operating order.

Christian Thanksgiving, part 2

One other aspect of thanksgiving that is relevant for Christians is the way in which it affects our heart. Now, when I write "thanksgiving," I'm referring to the act of giving thanks, and not solely the holiday.

In the Colossians and 1 Thessalonians passages I referenced in the previous post, we are encouraged to give thanks in all things and in every circumstance. This seems like a simple enough concept. Still, I pose the question: Why? Why should we, as the children of God, always give thanks?

I believe one reason is because of the humility it helps to develop within us. If I am daily thanking God for _________ , then I am less likely to develop a sense of entitlement for ________ . Whether that is my health, my home, family, friends, financial provision, ministry, food, conversations, books, art, music, etc....

So often in life, especially in this American culture we live in, we all too quickly establish a sense of entitlement to most things we enjoy in our lives. Unless we have had to work really really hard for them, we grow numb to the reality that they are all a gift from God.

Yet, a result of giving thanks is that we are reminded nothing we have in our lives is a right. It is all a blessing. Had I been born in another country at another time in history, my life would look a lot different. So much of what I enjoy in life today, check that: All of what I enjoy in my life today is an expression of the goodness, the graciousness, and the generosity of God.

May we give thanks in all things, being reminded that we are not entitled to anything on this earth. And in so doing, may we grow in humility. May your act of thanksgiving the next few days be an act of worship. And may it saturate every area and every day of your life.




On a personal note, I ask for your prayers. A very dear friend of mine lost his brother yesterday. There was a fatal incident and Michael was killed. Sean, who was in Brazil at the time, is preparing to fly home to be with his family. They have gone through so much in their lives. My first response is that I want to suffer so that Sean doesn't have to. Yet as I know that is not possible, I try to remember that Christ's suffering on the cross allows Him to truly intercede on Sean's behalf and carry some of this pain. So would you pray for Sean, his mother and sister and all of his family as they begin trying to grieve through this together?

Sean, I love you so much.
May the Holy Spirit breathe Peace on you.
May the Prince of Peace wrap you in comfort.
May the God of all comfort hold you close.
May Love surround and protect you and your family.

Christian Thanksgiving

As Thanksgiving approaches, we all remind ourselves of the things that we are thankful for and focus on the many blessings in our lives. It’s a season to be thankful for family, friends, health, homes, and employment. Even when life seems really difficult, the possibility always exists to be thankful for something.

Specifically as Christians, we are called to be thankful. In passages such as Colossians 3:15 where Paul is writing to the church about being holy he succinctly states, “And be thankful.” Likewise, in his first letter to the Thessalonians Paul commends his readers to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thes. 5:18). Thus, we normally hear a good Thanksgiving sermon around this time of the year encouraging us as Christians to especially be thankful for all that the Lord has done for us.

However, as Christians, we are not limited to being thankful for what the Lord has done in our lives. By conquering death on the cross, Jesus has made a way for us to be thankful for what the Lord will do in our lives. This is a blessing which separates Christians from the rest of the world. We are able to praise the Lord for the Kingdom that not only has already come, but also the fullness of it which we know is coming. The writer of Hebrews puts it this way: “Therefore, since we are receiving a Kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe” (Hebrews 12:28).

So this year, I am thanking God not only for the countless ways He’s blessed us, cared for us, revealed His love to us and forgiven us, but I am also thanking Him for the Kingdom that is still coming and His reign over it. I am thanking Him both for His incredible provision in my life and the blessing of family and friends as well as the many relationships I have yet to form which will be instrumental in my life. I am thankful for the freedom He has given me and for the freedom that awaits to be released on this earth. I am thankful for the promises that I’m still believing Him to fulfill as His Kingdom comes to the world.

Will you join me this Thanksgiving in praising our Father for all that is and for all that is to come? May you be blessed and filled with His peace on this, the day that He has made.

exhale.

As of yesterday afternoon, it's official. I do not have eye cancer.

Now I exhale.

Throughout the waiting period, I have been rather convinced that this was not going to be cancer. Yet, when the doctor asked me last week if someone would be coming with me to get the results this week, just in case the news was bad, I think I stopped breathing. That just made it all so very real. And I feel like I have been holding my breath for a week. I am once again breathing :)

Regardless of the news I would have gotten, my Holy Father was going to take care of me. So the "answered prayer" is not that I don't have cancer. The answered prayer is that He continues to be faithful and reveals Himself as such. He never left me and He has now displayed His care for me one more time. Of course I'm happy that I don't have cancer. But I simply can't attempt to qualify His goodness by the results of my medical exam. He is so much bigger than that.

So much else has happened this week (perhaps some of which I will get to blog about soon...) I just wanted to take this moment and share this update with you, especially those of you who have repeatedly asked how I was doing.

I love to share stories of His goodness towards us, His children. May you find a way to share your stories as well. He is worthy to be praised.

Fall in Central Kentucky

Heart-breaking news...

...the Chronicles of the Thunderbird have concluded. Her heater went out one last time and finally, we must say good-bye. We've had a great 9 year run. So many memories! So many miles! She's just beginning to outspend her allowance :( And I can't handle that any longer.

While I hate to bail on her, she truly has treated me well. I must move on to a more dependable vehicle. Being a seminary student, I obviously can't afford a new vehicle or payments of any great measure.

However, the Lord has once again made a way. I'd like you to meet ___________?

(any ideas for its name? I'm taking suggestions. The winner may get a prize.)

It's a '97 Jeep Grand Cherokee in excellent condition with very few miles. It is a blessing coming through the generosity of my sister and brother-in-law. They came to randomly find it for a great deal and have humbly decided to pass it along to me for an equally great deal. It'll drink a lot more fuel than the ole T-bird, but I can't complain. Need arose...Need met!

I can only hope for 9 equally great years with ___________(?) The T-bird will always be remembered and adored. Oh how I will miss those comfortable seats!

I will get the Jeep whenever I can next return home. My life with an SUV is about to begin. We'll see how it goes.

update...

I came to seminary to begin further understanding how to do ministry and work towards helping bring the Kingdom to earth. I want to know how to teach people more effectively. I want to know how to best create community. I want to know how to be aware of needs and meet them in an unconditionally loving way. I want to know how to inspire passion, to embrace conviction, to communicate simply, and to do all that He wants me to do.

And this is what I'm learning...how to be! It all comes down to being. Not doing. Not creating. I'm so far from it, but it all comes to BEING. I'm not trying to learn how to love, but how to BE love. I'm not trying to learn how to inspire, I want to BE inspirational. I'm not trying to learn how to teach, I want to BE the gospel. I'm learning that it's about BEING. I want to be.



On a sidebar, I have my optical scan this Wednesday. That means I should find out whether or not I have cancer in the next week or so. Also, I found out today that my knee injury is just a severe sprain. Nothing is torn or broken. Two weeks with an immobilized leg combined with plenty of Aleve and I should be fine.

In summary, I'm believing that in a few weeks, I'll BE completely healthy, whole, and worry free about my health. And more than that, I hope to have gotten a little further in "BEING."

May you not know. May you simply BE.

biopsy

Optical biopsy's (or whatever the technical term is) are painful and weird. I had mine today. After "paralyzing" one eye so that it wouldn't move during the biopsy, I can only see out of one of my eyes. I should have complete vision back by tomorrow morning (hopefully before class).



Still praying it is not cancer. But regardless, I can't go through a day like today without thanking the Lord for the gift of vision. What a beautiful world! May you see all that He has placed around you, the beauty and the pain, and be moved by both into an appropriate response.

Fighting the battle

The past month, we have been focusing on the Kingdom during our gatherings at Emerge. I have been talking to them all about what it means to be a part of a Kingdom, what our inheritance is, what our purpose is, etc... Last week, we looked at what it means to fight for the Kingdom.

In the gospel, we read that the Kingdom is forcefully advancing (Matt. 11:12). These words inspire the images of a fierce battle in which the boundaries of the Kingdom are expanded. Yet, we know that the Kingdom coming is not a kingdom of this world. The Kingdom Christians long for is the reign and rule of Jesus. Still, as inhabitants of His Kingdom, we have a responsibility to fight for its advancement.

We can find many references in scripture to battle and how we are to play a role in it. What I suggested to the students at Emerge is that the battle we fight most often comes back to a battle in our minds. For the kingdom to advance in me, more and more of my heart, soul, and mind has to be subjected to the Truth of Jesus. Therefore, acquiring the mind of Christ is one of the primary goals for each of us as we help usher in the Kingdom.

Paul writes about "taking every thought captive" in his letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 10:3-5). In order to do this, truth has to be dwelling within me. Without the presence of truth in my life, I am unable to identify the lies of the enemy and subsequently cannot take them captive. Once I can identify the lies, I seek the truth of scripture and of the heart of Jesus (He is the Living Word) and replace the lies with truth. Thus, this entire process of taking thoughts captive is what I am suggesting to be one of the foremost avenues through which we fight in His Kingdom.

This may not look like Mel Gibson covered in paint and blood, riding a horse around a field stirring up his fellow countrymen to fight for freedom (Braveheart reference), yet it is the process through which the real boundaries of freedom are expanded in our lives. And when more of my heart and mind are subjected to the King, more of the kingdom is established within me. Likewise, the more thoughts you take captive, the more the kingdom is established within you. And as you and I interact, both having more of the kingdom inside of us, more of the Kingdom in manifested in our interaction.

Let me give you an example. Throughout the past couple of weeks, I've been waiting to find out whether or not I have eye cancer. If you've read my previous post, you know that I am still unsure as to whether or not I have cancer. While waiting to know the result, my biggest fear has not been whether or not I have cancer. My largest fear has been the thought of having to fight through it by myself here in Kentucky.

I have great friends here (really, I do). I am loving my church more and more. Still, my closest friends and family are all a far ways off. Combined with my experience of being in the hospital last fall by myself, I became very anxious and concerned about how I would emotionally be able to handle all of this. Even when I would allow myself to think that friends here would care for me or some of you would come visit me, I would discount those thoughts by thinking "they would, but it would be so much of a burden on them. They have enough going on in their lives right now. I can't expect them to do that. If only I were married, etc..." If I were to tell you this to your face, most of you would respond with something like, "but you are not alone Jeffrey. We are here. We may not be close to you physically, but we are still here to go through this with you. We will pray for you and if need be, we can even come to visit you." I would be encouraged by your words. Still, I would be fearful and anxious.

Yet, when I allowed the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to the lies I was believing about being alone, not feeling significant, etc..., I quickly and humbly began letting Him replace those thoughts with truth. Truth that I am loved, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, that He is my provider and my healer, that He is my comforter and restorer, etc... And taking these thoughts captive made a huge difference in my mind, my heart, my anxiety level, and my fear. It also helped me to turn back to seeking His kingdom first and not being so focused on myself. Therefore, the Kingdom advanced.

None of the truths I mentioned above were new revelations for me. Still, I had allowed myself to listen to and start believing some lies; lies which began destroying, or at least hindering the Kingdom within me.

God is greater than the lies we face. Jesus' compassion is greater than any fear we can live in. The Holy Spirit has more power to speak truth than the enemy has to convince us of lies. We simply have to receive it. 1 Peter 4:7 says, "Therefore, be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray."

May each of you fight the battle of taking captive the thoughts and the lies of the enemy in your minds. May the truth of Jesus, and Jesus Himself, fill those places previously occupied with lies. May the Kingdom forcefully advance within you. And may the Kingdom be manifested in greater ways as we interact with one another.

i need your faith

Throughout scripture, faith is tied with healing. Jesus told the woman with the bleeding condition, after she had reached out to touch his robe, that her faith had healed her. Time and time again faith is a component of being healed. While I don't pretend to have a firm understanding on how the Lord heals, I know from scripture that faith plays a role.

Also noteworthy, however, is the fact that healing isn't always contingent upon one's own faith. Scripture, while maintaining the relationship between faith and healing, also gives reference to faith healing other people.

The centurion had faith that led to the healing of his servant. The father's faith led to the healing of his daughter. Friends' faith, as they lowered down the man through the roof, led to his healing. And most notably, Lazarus was risen from the dead not because of his own faith (he was dead!), but by the faith of his friends and family.

I believe. The Lord has proven himself faithful to me more times that I could hope to remember. Yet, I admit that I am weak and sometimes worry. I know He is good. And by that I am sustained.

Yesterday I returned to the doctor to find out about my eye. After several tests and a lot of nerves, the results came. And the verdict.....inconclusive. That's much better than what I could have heard, yet it is still not, "no cancer." There are more tests to come (some blood work, an optical scan, and if need be, some type of micro-biopsy). I have eye drops to use daily ($109 for a bottle that insurance wouldn't pay for).

I am really ok. And I am still believing that this will all become nothing and I will find out that I do not have cancer. But until that day comes, I need your faith. I need your prayers and your petitions raised to the Lord on my behalf. I ask for this in confidence of His love for us and in humility before you. I am honored and blessed by your prayers.

May you grow in your faith in the Lord as He proves Himself faithful to you. May your faith sustain you and those you love, as others' faith helps to sustain you. ~with Love.

breathing

In case any of you were wondering, I am still alive. Life is really good but really busy these days, thus there have been no posts recently. I just wanted to take a minute to give you a quick update of what is going on with me.

I am living in my new place now, and have been for almost a month. I will try to post pics soon. I still need to get everything put up on the walls, etc... It is going really well. It is a nice place in a great location. I absolutely LOVE the fact that I once again have a place to hang my hammock and have spent a lot of time laying in it while reading for school.

My parents, both of my sisters, and my two nephews and one niece came to visit me over Labor Day weekend. They were gracious enough to bring my furniture up to me and we did a little birthday dinner to celebrate mine and my mom's birthday. It was so great to see them up here and to be able to show them a small part of what my life looks like these days. My oldest nephew, Evan, was disappointed that he didn't get to see any snow in " 'tucky" as he calls it.

School has started and is going well. I really like all of my professors and classes. There is so much to read, but I am sure that I'll find a way to get through it all. Between cleaning and working with Emerge, I'm averaging right at 40 hours a week with work. So between the two jobs and school, I'm not currently looking for a new hobby.

I have been blessed recently by the Lord. I feel like His Kingdom is advancing so much in my mind and in my heart. Chapel services at the seminary have been incredible. My personal time with Him and just our daily interaction has been so life-giving to me. I have had some great conversations with new people and am excited about the rest of this year.

I was able to visit the weddings of two friends recently and was incredibly blessed at both of them. Although I'm still waiting for the day when I'll get married, it's an honor to watch people whom I love so dearly celebrate their weddings.

Everything with Emerge is going well. I would love to see greater numbers and more consistency in attendance with the group, yet I am blessed at the Lord's faithfulness in the ways I have been able to watch Him work in peoples' lives. I continue to sit in prayer for the ministry, seeking His vision and discernment, and I appreciate your prayers for this as well.

I must be honest and say that I am a little anxious and nervous to go back to the doctor next month and find out what is going on with my eye. I still am rather confident that everything will be fine, but the closer it gets the more I think about it. Again, I appreciate your prayers over this.

And finally, I am just seeking more and more intentionality and quality time in every aspect of my life. Whether I am blessed with a random conversation, am enjoying a scheduled discipleship meeting, reading for one of my classes, being blessed with an incredible phone/skype conversation as I catch up with one of my friends, am sitting in chapel, or am praying through the burdens and concerns on my heart for many of you, the Lord is giving me grace to be intentional and fully present in most of those interactions. (I mean, how else could I lay in my hammock on a beautiful day and read for 5 hours without falling asleep?) So now, I am enjoying what He has for me as I simultaneously seek for more, and am hoping that I find a good rhythm for all of this in order that I get more than a few hours of sleep daily.

May you all find grace and meaning in each moment of your day. And for the many struggles you are facing in your own lives and in the lives of those you love and care about, find comfort in the promise that He never leaves us. Even if all you want is an answer, try to receive the peace of His presence. Hopefully more, and more substantive, posts will be coming soon. Be blessed!

Who am I?

In Matthew 16, Jesus has a discussion with His disciples that is full of insight and truth for us today. He asks them who people say that he is. After hearing several responses from Peter, He then asks Peter specifically, "Who do you say that I am?"

Peter answers that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus then comments on Peter's answer and follows that comment by telling Peter that he is the rock on which He will build His church.

So, what's the big deal? I believe it is incredibly important to pay attention to the role of the characters in this story and the ordering of the events. First of all, Peter has to answer the question, "Who do you say that I am?"

How can Peter answer such a question? He can do so because he has spent time with Jesus, worked with Him, watched Him perform miracles, listened to His teachings, etc... And out of that experience and the discernment given to him through the Holy Spirit, Peter answers "the Son of God."

Then, after Peter has made his own confession and declaration of who Christ is, Jesus tells Peter who he(Peter) is. After Peter has come to realize who Jesus is, then Jesus is able to reveal Peter's true identity to him. And what an identity Peter has.

So, who are you? How would you answer this question to yourself, "Who am I?"

Well, before you can answer that, and get the total truth, you must first realize and declare who Jesus is. Once you have come to that realization, Jesus will tell you who you are. That you are a child of God, a co-heir with Christ to the throne. That you are His beloved.

This is so very important for us today because we quickly turn to so many things to define who we are. We use relationships, careers, personalities, etc... And however true those things may be, they don't constitute the truest essence of who you are. This is because your identity is found in Christ. As He is declared Christ, your identity is found. Remember that He is truth. He is the only one who can reveal to you who you are. And that comes in response to you declaring who He is. And you can only declare who He is when you know Him, spend time with Him, and believe in His love.

May you know Christ.
May you declare who He is.
May He reveal to you who you are.
May your identity be found in Christ more so than ever before.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." ~ Matt. 6:33

Happy Birthday!!!

Today is "Wading through the Waters" one year birthday!

I can't believe it has been a year since I began this blog. A year since I've lived in Kentucky. What has happened this year?

Just a few things:
- coconut attack and ensuing hospitalization/dialysis
- malaria relapse
- ICE STORM
- car broken into (twice)
- lots of vacuuming (my job)
- first year of seminary completed (amazingly)
- new job leading the Emerge ministry here in Lexington
- new home
- hundreds of new friends
- a new appreciation for and use of Skype
- hours upon hours of prayer
- a few road trips
- possibility of eye cancer (still pending)
- a few house-sitting gigs
- my grandmother passed away
- several weddings
- a new nephew
- still single

In conclusion, I'm a changed man.

This blog hasn't been everything that I thought it would be. Still, it has helped me in more ways that I could have initially thought possible. My creativity continues to expand. My connection with many of you is strengthened through it. It serves as a canvas for random thoughts that I need to empty from my mind. It serves as a canvas for random emotions that I need to empty from my heart. It serves as yet one more waste of your precious time.

For all of these reasons, and many more, Happy Birthday, BLOG!!!

May your second year be just as eventful, more productive, and more effective.

Thanks.

the more things change...

...the more they stay the same. Ever heard that phrase? What does it even mean?

When I went home a few weeks ago for my grandmother's funeral, I obviously got to see some of my family and family friends that I haven't seen in several years. It was amazing. Some of them looked exactly the same (insert name: Dennis Heinen). However, others had changed so much that I no longer recognized them.

Most notably were some of my cousins' kids. These are kids that I remember holding as infants and watching them grow. Yet, they are now in middle and high school. It's one of those, "I can't believe this," moments. I didn't think about this too much, as there were obviously other things to occupy my mind. But I have reflected on it somewhat the past few days. The more things change, the more they stay the same? I don't think so.

Each time I return home and have some of those experiences, I believe this phrase less and less. Things change drastically. Life changes. Relationships change. People change. And praise God for that. We are constantly called to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. This inherently necessitates change.

I also thought about how much more shocking the change appears to me, someone who hasn't lived at home for years and who sees some of my family only once, or less, a year as compared to others who live there and see one another much more frequently. To them, the progression seems natural. It is expected. When you see someone regularly, you don't even think about how much the other person has changed because it happens right in front of your eyes on a daily basis. This doesn't mean the change is any less drastic. However, it doesn't appear to be anything but normal.

Granted, the most notable surprises to me were some of the kids and teenagers and how much they have changed. And those differences encompass both their physical form and their personalities.

I also realize that my shock is not only due to how people have grown, but it is also due to how I have changed. My perspective changes and thus I will naturally see people a bit differently than I had before.

How does this work between us and God? Has it been so long since you've seen God that when you meet Him again you are amazed at how different your relationship is than the last time you remembered it? Or do you not even realize how much has changed over the years because it has happened right in front of your eyes on a daily basis?

Do you "live at home" with God and see the natural progression of your faith and the faith of those around you develop through time? Or does it require you "going home" on that special occasion to realize how much time has passed since you last saw or knew Him? While I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now, living in Kentucky and going to seminary, it is hard for me to go home because I realize how much life has taken place during my absence. The nephews and niece are completely different. Family members are so different than what I remember. Yet, to everyone else there who see each other regularly, everything seems normal.

As difficult as that is for me, I know I can live with it and hope that my family can as well. However, I hope that never happens between me and the Lord. Nor between my family and the Lord. Nor between you and the Lord.

How much have I changed? When someone sees me, do they find the same person they last knew a few years ago? Or do they find someone who has matured, grown, and been transformed more and more into Christlikeness?

What about you? How much have you changed?

May you be able to say, "The more things change, the more we look like Jesus."

yes i have

I started this blog almost a year ago to help express myself: to be a canvas on which I could share my thoughts, figure out my feelings, update friends and family about my life, and just empty some things out of my heart and mind.

However, I'm not the most creative or expressive person in the world. And sometimes in life, there just aren't words. Thus, I won't attempt to express myself now. I will allow this song to do it for me. Even it's not perfect, but it comes close. My life right now seems to be found somewhere in the middle of this song, somewhere between the wanting and the finding.



May you want as well. There's much to be received.

Farewell

As some of you already know, my grandmother passed away last weekend. I flew home this week for her funeral and just returned to Kentucky tonight. I was asked to speak at her funeral, and for whatever reason, I just feel like sharing with you some of what I shared at her funeral. This will be a long post, so I will not include everything. But for what it's worth, here are some thoughts that have gotten me through this week:

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at home sewing a button back onto a pair of my pants. As I sat there, I thought about Mamal and started laughing. I could hear her telling me, “Jeffrey, you’re going to make someone a good wife one day.” She always picked on me about how Mama had taught not only Shae and Elizabeth, but also me the basics of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and even how to sew on buttons. I think the first time I ever heard her say that, I was a little offended. But I quickly began to realize how it was actually an incredible compliment.

On Saturday night, I finally sat down and stopped for a few moments. After getting the phone call that morning that Mamal had passed, I had worked all day, tried to make arrangements to fly home and have everything lined up while I was gone. And then a friend called to see how I was doing and she asked me, “what is your greatest memory of your grandmother?” Well, that sent my mind racing through a thousand memories. My first thought was about her cornbread and how no one could ever make it like hers. I thought about standing in her kitchen in Garden city where she would walk up to us with a butter knife in her hand and flip it around at the last minute as she poked it as us to scare us while she made that distinguishable little popping sound with her mouth.

I thought about sitting outside under the carport shucking corn with her or shelling butter beans. I thought about listening to her stories of the times she had gone fishing with her friends and brothers. I think one of my favorite stories that I heard her share multiple times was how when she was younger, and Uncle Fred was still a baby, and she was given the responsibility to watch him. But she wanted to go play with Uncle Henry and Uncle Pee Wee so she would pinch Uncle Fred, make him cry, and then take him back to her mom and tell her that she couldn’t make him stop crying. Then she got to go hang out with the “older kids.” I still can’t imagine her doing that.

I thought about how she would cringe if you got anywhere close to her feet and about her sitting in her chair with one leg propped over the arm rest. I remembered her sitting at the table on a Sunday afternoon to play Scrabble. I thought about the oil lamp in her living room that we would always get in trouble for touching or the old glider swing that was always in her back yard.

I have been very blessed in my life to have known my grandparents. But more than just knowing her, I got to spend several hours with her on a daily basis during a very impressionable time in my life. Middle and High school are very interesting years and I could never have guessed how influential the time was that I got to spend with her. Everyday after school, Elizabeth and I would go over and hang out with her for a little while. And when Elizabeth started working after school and when she had started college, it was just me and Mamal. I honestly believe that it was those afternoons spent together that I learned the value of a quality conversation with someone, regardless of how much talking was being done. I would eat my snack, she would listen, not watch, just listen to “As the World Turns” as she finished a crossword puzzle, and we would have a great time. She would make me laugh, share her stories with me, and ask me questions about how I was doing. It was almost always about me. That seemed so natural for her. To be focused on other people.

One of my favorite quotes says, “Every adult needs a child to teach, for that is the way in which adults learn.” As that’s true, Mamal must have been one of the most intelligent and wisest people on the planet. How many kids has she loved on in her life? Last night Lucas woke up crying and since I was sleeping closer to where he was, I got up to get him. As I sat in the rocking chair trying to put him back to sleep, I thought to myself, “I wonder how many times Mamal has done this?” I simply couldn’t begin to guess.

After I had moved away for college, Mama told me on the phone one day that Mamal was moving. I remember being upset, b/c I knew that meant she wouldn’t be there when I came home to visit. And I believe it was at that moment that I realized that Mamal was much more than my grandmother, she was my friend. The next summer I was more than excited to drive myself to Blackshear to visit her for the weekend. I’ll always remember that visit, the great time we had together, and how I got some more cornbread.

There is one thing about Mamal that really sticks out to me. I’m sure that everyone in this room knows how much she loved the Lord. I remember how amazed I was as a kid when she told me that she had read all the way through the Bible, multiple times. I had never heard of anyone who had done that before. Still, the greatest quality about Mamal being a Christian was that she never had to say it. She simply lived it. To be a Christian, is somewhat simple terms, means to be a representation of the character of God to the world. That’s what Mamal did. To her brothers, her kids, her grandkids, every child she kept at daycare, all of her friends, and most definitely to me she was an example of the character of God here on this earth.

We are reminded in 1 Peter 2 that we are not citizens of this earth, but we are citizens of His kingdom. We are only sojourners, or travelers on this earth. This earth isn’t our home. It is just what we walk through, obediently, humbly, and selflessly, knowing that the fullness of His kingdom is still to come. We are only passing through. Knowing what I know now, I can look back on at least the part of her life for which I was around and say that Mamal lived her life knowing that she didn’t have to worry about life here, because she was simply on her way home. I’m sure that she never thought when she was younger that she would spend the last 31 years of her life walking home without Papa, yet she faithfully kept walking and she is now home. And because of that, I have comfort today.

My comfort isn’t because I believe she is reunited with Papa. My comfort is in the reality that she is in heaven. And heaven, simply put, is the full, unhindered, all encompassing presence of God. She is hanging out with the creator of the universe. She is overwhelmed by the beauty, the splendor, and the majesty of God and the fullness of His peace; that peace which passes all understanding. The one who created her, who saved her, who loved her, and who finally got her home, is now the one she gets to look upon for all of eternity, with absolutely nothing getting in her way.

In the gospel of John, we read about Jesus being the bridegroom and John simply being the friend of the bridegroom. And then John says, in verse 29, after having heard Jesus speak, “the friend of the bridegroom rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore, this joy of mine in now complete.” Mamal can now stand in the full presence of the bridegroom, Jesus Christ, hear his voice more clearly than she could have ever imagined, and have true and complete joy.

What a blessing. To spend 88 years walking home. Along the way, helping everyone you pass and loving your family so selflessly and unconditionally, to finally stand before Jesus Christ in awe of his beauty and love and to truly have complete joy.

I want to share one final thought. To the question that my friend asked me on Saturday night about what was my greatest memory of Mamal, my answer was simply, “her.” My greatest memory of Mamal is simply who she was. Her personality, her smile, her humor, and her heart.

A few years ago, I was sitting with a small group of people when the question was raised, “if you could have dinner with anyone who is already gone whom you never got to meet, who would it be?” Without hesitation, I knew my answer. It was Papa. I spent all of my life hearing about the “Bossman” and wondering what it would have been like to know him in person. Yet, I’ll never have that opportunity. I’ll only have the stories, pictures and the legacy that he left behind.

For the past ten years or so, I’ve regularly told my parents that the one thing I hoped for was that one day, whoever she was and whenever I’d meet her, I really wanted my wife to be able to meet Mamal. And I wanted Mamal to be able to meet her. I wanted her to have the priviledge of knowing one of my favorite people in the world. And now, that will never happen. But one thing I can promise. Whenever I do meet her, she will hear so much about Mamal that if she is ever asked the question of who is the one person she would choose to have dinner with that she never got to meet, her answer will be Mamal.

With all of you here today, I say good-bye to Mamal. I say farewell to the Bosslady. And in her honor and per her example, may we all continue our walk home, as travelers here on the earth, loving and helping everyone we find along the way, until one day we see His beauty and find complete joy in hearing the voice of the bridegroom.

I love you Mamal. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

13th wheel

Moving from Athens, a town full of people my age, to Thomasville, a town full of no one my age, to Wilmore, a town full of people my age who are all married, has been an interesting adjustment. While I have met some great people here, one of the coolest people and a guy who I can relate to the most is someone I met at our New Student Orientation last fall. He's a great guy from Indy who shares a lot of the same experiences and passions that I do. And as with most people here, he's married to an incredible girl.

On Friday night, Jeremy and Jessica had some friends over for a little party/get-together/send-off before they left town for the coming month. As I got off work and started to think about heading over to their place, I really began to realize that the chances were pretty great that I'd be the only single person around. Now I have to admit that of all my friends who are married, I believe I can honestly say that Jeremy and Jessica create the most welcoming and comfortable environment in which I don't feel like the obvious "single guy."

Still, we all know how the "3rd wheel" syndrome works. Reality is that it is sometimes awkward for a single person when hanging out with several other couples. So I began to consider not showing up and just sending them a message before they left.

Within a few moments of considering bailing out, I immediately heard myself telling friends and guys that I've discipled in the past that life is ultimately a matter of perspective. And choosing to have a positive perspective which isn't completely self-centered is possible, even though it at times can be difficult. So I decided to trust in my own advice and believe that hanging out with Jeremy and Jessica and some other equally great people wouldn't be awkward enough to prevent me from going.

I am so glad that I did!

The night was not only a great time of fellowship, conversations, an intensely hilarious game, and meeting new people, but it was also a wonderful time for me to feel alive again here in Wilmore. We (meaning myself and 5 other couples) were all able to pray over Jeremy and Jessica before they leave to return to Uganda. The night was such a blessing to them and I believe it was a blessing to everyone who was there. But I was especially blessed by my friendship with them and the life-giving experience of the night. It was just one of those nights when, as I walked home, I thought to myself, "Jesus, it's so good to be alive and surrounded by your children."

I continue to hope for the day when I can go to these events with my wife, but until that day comes, I will try to choose interaction over isolation and not give in to the fear of the "3rd wheel" syndrome. May you all find life in those around you, regardless of their stage of life. And may you all have the grace to walk in a Godly perspective everyday instead of a self-centered, prideful one.

P.S. Going to a wedding tonight with a total of 5 single guys didn't help the cause. Still, God is faithful.

P.S.S. Father, I ask that the prayers lifted up over Jeremy and Jessica last night continue to be the prayers of my heart and that you protect them, provide for them, and reveal your Kingdom to them in deeper ways daily. I thank you for Jessica and Jeremy and look forward many more raquetball games with Zerkle.

stain = anger?

On Monday night, we had a great cookout at Emerge before we went back to the church for a great time of worship together and said good-bye to a couple who are moving to Tallahassee to begin grad school at FSU. I had been in town all day and was randomly wearing a white Polo style shirt. At the cookout, one guy made a comment about how impressed he was that I had worn a white shirt all day long, eaten three meals, and had no stains on it. He declared there was no way he'd have been able to do that.

A few moments later, another guy came up to me with a smirk on his face and asked, "Jeffrey, how good of friends are we?" I replied, "well, I guess as good of friends as two people can be after having only known each other for 2 months."

He laughed, patted me on the chest and walked off. Immediately I noticed several people looking at me in disbelief, more specifically looking at my shirt. As a prank in good-hearted fun, after the comment had been made about me having not gotten any stains throughout the day, he had put BBQ sauce on his hand and had gotten it on my shirt. I just started laughing. Quickly a few people started reaching for towels and one girl even pulled out a Tide pen. I was just still laughing.

Throughout this whole incident, I noticed two things. Everyone seemed more upset than I did and they almost seemed surprised that I was not pissed off. Secondly, my shirt is ruined.

First of all, I wasn't mad because in reality, it's just a shirt people. I mean really. The whole incident created a lot of discussion and interaction. It will be a funny and interesting story for quite a while, and it's just a shirt. So no, I wasn't angry at all. In reality, it takes a lot to really make me angry. But why did everyone have this expectation that I would be so furious over a shirt?

It has really made me think the past few days about what really matters to us. I won't pretend to know the statistics, but how many people have died today full of hate, pain, guilt, shame, and sin without knowing how much they are loved and cared for? Why does something of this level of eternal significance not create stronger emotions in me than a little stain on a piece of cloth? I mean, seriously. How do I have my life oriented if I'm more upset about a stain than the welfare of the souls and the relationships that people have in God's Kingdom?

Secondly, I've really thought a lot about the stain. How easy it was to put on my shirt and how difficult is (or maybe how impossible it will be) to get it out. I often find myself treating life as if my problems, worries, and hurts are deep stains which can never be removed and dealt with. As if I will have to walk around for the rest of my life with a dirty shirt on. The reality is, if I will simply take the shirt off, the Lord is waiting to give me a new one. It is so easy for him to remove my sins and (more importantly) the effects of those sins in my life. Yet I choose to walk around with the dirty shirt on. Why?

I'm not trying to be "super-spiritual" here or make every little thing in life an analogy to ministry. But seriously, what is life really about for me? And according to what my answer to that question is, how should that affect how I live and react to all that I experience on a daily basis?

It's all about the Kingdom. It's all about me knowing God, others knowing God, and each of us knowing one another. And this "knowing," as is used in Paul's letter to the Philippians, is an intimate knowledge. As we all laughed, or at least as I laughed about my newly decorated shirt, we prepared for a great time of worship. Below is a picture of some of the peeps who were there for worship. It's so great to "know" God with them.
The Kingdom: Emerge style

May you all continue to know Christ and to have your lives oriented in a way that will create appropriate responses to everyday experiences. May you allow God to remove your stains and clothe you anew. Grace and Peace to you all.

Beauty of Creation

Back on the weekend of July 4th, I had two days off. Two of my only days off all summer. So on Friday, July 3rd, I went hiking with Jesse, one of the college students in Emerge who is quickly becoming a good friend. The weather was perfect. Around 78-80 degrees, sunny, nice breeze, and clear skies. (not quite the average July day I'm used to, but there are no complaints here) We only hiked for around 3 or 4 hours, but it was great. Just Jesse and I, our Nalgene's, and the Red River Gorge. I've posted some of the photos I took below.

In addition to the view, I thoroughly enjoyed simply being outside; something I have not had the opportunity to do much of this summer. Jesse and I had some great conversation, took a few "adventurous detours," (and I didn't get injured for all of you who doubt my ability to stay safe) ate some great pizza, and were simply able to enjoy life. I look forward to future opportunities to explore Red River Gorge and possibly take some of the Emerge peeps on a camping trip in the fall.



Can you imagine living down there?


It's hard to tell, but the next two pics were taken when we climbed down in the crevice you see in the above picture.

Jesse



This was a fun climb

Praise Him for all that He has made. I've missed the water, the beach, and the south all summer long. Spending the day hiking with all of these views made me remember and think back to my summer working at Camp Rockmont and taking all of the boys camping up on the mountain. Still, this was truly a great day.

I'm weird

No seriously. I am a rather unusual person. At least in terms of my medical history. Just read through some of my previous post if you think I'm exaggerating.

On Monday, I had to go for an eye exam so that I could order more contacts and get new lenses for my glasses. While completing the exam, the doctor spent a long while looking into my right eye. She dilated it more than normal to allow her to get a better view inside of my eye. (this "extra dilation" will be the source of a future post...be excited!)

After several minutes of thorough investigation, she began asking questions and a few red flags began to rise in my mind. Essentially she had spotted a place in my right eye that worried her. She has decided to wait and have me return in 3 months to follow-up and she appears certain that it is nothing for me to worry about. Therefore I am not worried. After getting the results of my follow-up exam; however, I will find out whether or not I have what initially concerned her...Eye cancer.

Say what? That's right. Eye Cancer.

Again, after asking her many questions, I am very confident that I do not have "eye cancer" and that there is simply something WEIRD going on in my eye. My vision has not been affected and there is no Coconut in my eye. But seriously folks...don't you just want to laugh? I mean I do. And I have.

I in no way want to laugh at cancer and the destruction and turmoil it has caused and continues to create in millions of peoples' lives. But of course, if I were going to get cancer, it would be eye cancer. Not something "normal" or a type of cancer that you have thought about before. No. I have to be weird. I would be the unusual case of the guy with eye cancer.

I mean seriously. The "mass," malaria, allergic to coconut, hernia, bad knees, expert on crutches, experienced dialysis patient, exposed to TB...
I'm sure most of you don't even know what all of those refer to. Yet, that's part of my medical history. And possibly one more.

As I am sure He is doing for me, May the Lord continue to care for and heal your every disease. And may you continue to trust Him, ask Him, and believe Him for healing. I mean, He takes care of weird-O's like me!

Where you live

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...." How often have you heard this passage quoted? It is a great promise of the Lord and is often quoted to be an encouragement for fellow believers to have hope and trust in the will of God.

I wonder how many people know the context of this passage and its implication for its original audience. Throughout the many times I have heard this verse (Jer. 29:11) quoted and referenced as an encouragement, it always seems to carry the connotation of waiting on the Lord. And the concept of waiting often inadvertently carries the notion of inaction or causeless living.

When Jeremiah wrote this letter to the Jews who were living in exile in Babylon, he was implying a very different reality. On the one hand, this letter was to encourage them to continue believing in the promises of God, that He would deliver them out of exile and bring them back to Israel. Jeremiah wanted to remind the exilic Jews who they were and that God was still in control. And his encouragement comes in these most famous words. (Jeremiah 29:10-14)

However, before he encourages them with these words, Jeremiah gives the Jews instructions on how to live as exiles in Babylon. He tells them to live! To build homes, marry, reproduce, grow crops, etc. (Jer. 29:4-6) Next, he tells them something which at first glance may seem somewhat unexpected.

"Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." (Jer. 29:7)

The Jews are not to just wait, apathetically. Yes, the Lord will faithfully bring them out of exile. But until He does so, they are to seek the welfare and prosperity of Babylon. Their waiting is not to be an inactive waiting.

So, why am I sharing this? Seminary is a great place. There is so much brokenness, transformation, growing, learning, questioning, and kingdom building that takes place here. Quite often, though, I have heard people suggest that seminary can just be a time of "waiting" and allowing the Lord to prepare us for the places to which He will take us. (note: I am by no means attempting to equate seminary with Babylon) However, I believe there is more that He would ask of us. We are called to seek the welfare and peace of the places where we live.

Like myself, some of you are in seasons of your life which are somewhat temporary. You aren't living in the same city that you will be living in five years down the road. You aren't working at the job from which you will retire. You aren't living with the friends and family that you will grow old with. Yet, you are called to live!

During the three, four, or five years that I will be here in Kentucky, the Lord asks of me to trust Him. To believe that He has a plan and purpose for my life. A plan for prosperity and not of harm. A plan for family, community, friends, and the advancement of the Kingdom. He asks that I believe that He will hear me when I pray and that when I seek Him I will find Him.

But He also asks that I seek the peace and welfare of Wilmore. The peace and prosperity of Lexington. And with the gifts and talents that I have humbly been given, that will partly be played out in this great new opportunity I have to serve as the Director of Young Adult Ministries at Trinity Hill. I am so excited about Emerge. And there are so many ways in which I will be able to seek the peace and prosperity of this city by seeing these men and women walking in the truth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

What about you? Where will you be living in a few years? What job are you supposed to take? Who are you supposed to marry? (maybe that's a question only I'm still trying to answer) Don't fear. The Lord has great plans for your future...but in the meantime, LIVE where you are. Be used by Him now. Fight for the Kingdom to come in the community where you are. I'm convinced that as we seek for the welfare of the places the Lord has us, the promises He has for our futures will begin to unfold before us.

Regardless of how "settled" or "unsettled" you are in life, May you seek the peace and prosperity where you are! Pray for the community in which you live. Watch the Lord work in and through you. And as you remember the promises of the Lord, such as this famous one found in Jeremiah 29, also remember the calling of the Lord that accompanies it. His promise to you is not only for you. It is for all His people.

True Worship

Majesty in the sanctuary must become mercy in the streets or our worship is fraudulent.
~J.D. Walt

Worship vs. Worship experience

I love worship.

Both individual and corporate.

A solid chunk of time spent with a community of believers expressing adoration, thanksgiving, humility, and honor to God is a really powerful time. Most Christians can probably recall a specific situation or type of environment of worship in which they were "most able to connect with God." Remembering that worship is not about us at all and that it is all about God is very important. Still, certain people are best able to express their heart to God in particular ways. Whether it be through song, through dance, through painting, etc...

Granted, we are not called to specific styles or times of worship. Rather, we are called to a lifestyle of worship. However, the reality is that most of us, while able to engage in adoration of God regardless of "style," have specific tendencies and preferences of ways we worship. (While realizing the ongoing conversation/discussion over "styles of worship" and the ridiculous problems that it can create, this post is not about that at all.)

A wonderful friend of mine is a great worship leader. I could listen to him worship the Lord for hours and it would be so natural for me to join into worship with him. Regardless of which instrument he is playing, I just love his heart and desire to worship. Over the past few years, we have both been placed in new situations in which there has been a decrease of or lack of corporate worship from what we have previously known.

I recently was talking with my friend about this. His words were simple, "I really miss corporate worship." Now, he is more than able to sit down with his guitar or the piano and connect with the Lord at any given moment. He is also able to worship with friends, although their worship is in another language. And his sentiment is, "I miss the experience of a community of Christ-lovers, speaking my own language, with whom I can join in a time of adoration of our God." I can relate to that sentiment on many levels, as I'm sure you can also.

A few days after having this conversation, I was listening to a CD with some worship songs my friend had recorded a few years ago. Some of the songs were ones he had written himself. As I listened to him sing his heart to the Lord, I began to realize something. At the moment when he was recording those songs, he was fully engaged in worship. As I listened to the CD, my heart began to engage in worship. Yet, both of those moments were not worship. They were worship experiences. Worship is a present oriented reality. Both of those times spent were now only an experience of worship. This explains how my friend can be so gifted to lead worship, record worship songs, and even spend personal time in worship himself, and yet still have feelings of, "I miss worship." This explains how at the same time I can listen to my a recording of my friend worshipping and simultaneously have a conversation with him in which he "misses" worship.

Worship is about now. It is about connecting with God. And regardless of style or past experiences of worship, we were created for a lifestyle of worship right now. Worship experiences are great. Lives can be transformed. Hearts can be renewed. Souls can be refreshed. Callings can be discerned. And yet, if we are not currently worshipping, we find ourselves lacking. We find ourselves wanting more times of worship.

I pray that you are surrounded by a community of believers whom you can join in adoration to God. I pray that as you worship the Lord, that the Holy Spirit would inhabit your praises. I pray that in the areas in which you "miss worship," that the Lord would provide you new outlets to worship Him. May you constantly create worship experiences as you live a life of worship before your Father in Heaven. And may you never be satisfied with the experiences of worship from your past.

Irony

This has been a very full week for me. In addition to my 40 hours at the library, I have enjoyed quite a few "extras" this week.

First of all, I was blessed beyond belief by several friends. (see previous post)

In addition, this past Monday night was my first worship service at Emerge. We are studying the book of Philippians this summer. However, this past week we had a great time of worship and I shared a message with them about the joy of friendship with God (John 3: 27-30). I thoroughly enjoyed the night, and can only hope the same can be said by all of them. I must note that any transition can be difficult. This group of college and young adults has had to say good-bye to an incredible friend and minister and hope that whoever follows in his footsteps will be a great fit for them. While I empathize with them, I also must make mention of how loving, embracing, and supportive they have all been of me thus far. In time, I know that my giftings and strengths will find their place in and for this ministry. For now, I'm am simply finding enjoyment in meeting so many new friends and becoming a part of this community.

Furthermore, three friends from the Wesley Foundation at UGA in Athens were in town this week to take an intensive course at the seminary. It was so nice to seem familiar faces. On Wednesday night, I was honored to have the three of them, along with three friends from here in Wilmore, over for dinner and a great night of fellowship. Life shared together is life fully lived. Wednesday night was a great example of that. They have since left town. I look forward to seeing each of them again soon.

This weekend, I was able to hang out with some of the college students and young adults from Emerge for one of their birthday parties. Also, I've enjoyed the opportunity to sit down with the previous Young Adult Director before he leaves town to discuss the ministry and learn from his experience and share ideas with him. What a great value for me.

Also, when giving blood today at the public library, I was automatically entered into a drawing for a new car. The local blood bank gives away a car each summer. If I won a new car, I honestly don't know what I would do. I hope the person who needs it the most will be blessed to win it, whoever he/she is.

Tomorrow, I have my first "official" responsibility in the worship service at church. Tomorrow afternoon, I get to help some friends move into their new home. And tomorrow night I will attend my first "Man Night" with some of the guys from Emerge. Not sure what to expect from that, but I am excited nonetheless.

So, you may be wondering why I titled this post 'Irony'. Well, the irony is that this morning, as I was taking the dog out, I realized that my car had been broken into for the second time in the past few months. However, I feel sorry for the thief. He/she has chosen the wrong car to try and steal anything out of. After the last break in, there is nothing left in my car to steal. Must have been a disappointment for him/her. Thus, I've had a great week and the mystery thief must have been greatly disappointed.

May you each enjoy the many blessings permeating your lives. May your eyes be opened to see them and your heart open to receive them.

P.S. I had a long list of thoughts/concepts I wanted to blog about. However, that list has disappeared from my computer. Unless my memory upgrades to superhero status, those are messages left to be untold.

Ask and you shall receive?

For those of you who keep up with this blog, or my life in general, you know that I have had a few health problems this past year. As of today, my health has returned and as soon as I can overcome these horrific Kentucky allergies, I will know what "full health" feels like once more.

Throughout the many hospital, doctor's office, dialysis center, and medical lab visits, I somehow managed to build quite a set of medical bills. Insurance paid it's part, but still left me with a total of around $2500 to pay. (yeah, imagine what the overall total was) Throughout the year I've been making payments toward this and in a great measure because of my tax return, I was able to knock my balance down to around $1500 by the beginning of the summer. I was rather excited about that. Being a full-time seminary student and only working a part-time job does not allow for extra money, much less the ability to pay large balances.

However, through His provision of a free place to live throughout the summer (by way of house-sitting for friends) and two new jobs for the summer, the Lord had paved a way for me to have my medical bills paid off by the end of the summer. After eliminating that debt, I was going to begin saving to pay for my seminary classes since I have no scholarships for this coming year. I was so thankful for this provision and glad that the Lord had once more proven Himself faithful to me.

A few weeks ago, a wonderful friend contacted me and asked for my mailing address. He has been aware of my medical situation throughout the year and has regularly checked-up on me and is always a huge encouragement to me. I emailed him my mailing addressed and assumed that he would be sending me a card in the mail. And I was right. A few weeks later I received his card as expected. However, rather unexpectedly, included in the card was check with which I was instructed to use to pay towards my medical bills. I was amazed! Over the next few days, I received two more cards with checks in them from other families with similar instructions. Within a week, I had been given $1500 to pay towards my remaining medical bills. (I had to buy band-aids for the scrapes on my chin when it fell to the floor for a few hours)

Why was I so surprised? I know the heart of each of these families and how good they have been to me throughout the years. And obviously we know how good the Lord is to us. I was and remain to be so humbled by their gifts and wrestling with feelings of how unworthy I am for such a blessing.

However, I have recognized one reason why these gifts have caught me so off guard. There have been so many times throughout the past 7 or 8 years when I have been in need of something, and regardless of whether it was a financial, emotional, relational, or situational need, the Lord has met it as I have asked for His provision. Thus testifying to the scriptures which tell us "ask and you shall receive."

The difference with this situation is that I thought the Lord had already provided for my medical bills and answered my prayers through the jobs and living situations He had provided for me. And yet He gave more. Beyond what I was asking. Beyond what I was expecting. Beyond what I could have ever hoped for or imagined. His goodness is so abundant that I received before ever asking. I am simply in awe. I'm in awe both of His love and provision for me, and of the gracious and compassionate giving of friends and families who have for whatever reason decided that my situation was worth investing in.

I can only pray that their investments will bring forth great rewards in the kingdom and that all that they have given to me will be paid back to them tenfold. Their blessing in my life goes so far beyond the checks they sent in the mail. This is only a small aspect of what they have done for me. Still, I am in awe and will forever be blessed by their gifts.

To each of you I give my deepest appreciation. The family I have in you, in my church family, will never be forgotten.

May you receive all the Lord has for you: both the things you ask for and the things that you don't even have the faith to ask for.

Love + Knowledge = ???

The world is filled with so many different kinds of people and so many different cultures. The perspectives and worldviews of each one add a unique richness to the sum of all human experience. For just a moment, allow me to classify humanity into a love continuum and a knowledge continuum. As these two interact with one another, most people would agree that they would desire to rank highly on both. However, none of us are perfect.

If someone has a lot of love, but not a great depth of knowledge, how would you describe that person? How about someone who is incredibly intelligent, with a great deal of knowledge, but without compassion and love? (Quit thinking of names in your head. That's not nice) And the apathetic person who seems to possess very little of either knowledge or love? Do you know people who have a great deal of both?

When considering this in the context of Christianity, we all want to find both. Christians who are incredible at loving and showing compassion but have very little doctrinal or relational understanding of who God is are not walking in the fullness of Christ. Neither is someone who "knows" everything there is to know about God and does not have a deep capacity to love others.

However, when grace is added into the combination of knowledge and love, maturation into full Christlikeness begins to be obtained. (2 Cor. 3:18) Therefore, grace is the key ingredient which allows the intelligent person to grow in love and the loving person to increase in knowledge. And the end result...TRUTH. Truth is the marriage of the knowledge of God and the love of God. In the gospel of John, Jesus declared "I am truth." And Jesus is obviously full of both love and knowledge. Therefore, as we grow in both of these attributes through the grace of God, we are transformed into Jesus' image, the fullness of truth.

May you grow in love and knowledge as you daily pursue truth, and may God grant you the grace required.

(These are the random thoughts flying through my head. Forgive me if this has made absolutely no sense.)



P.S. I am being officially introduced tomorrow at Trinity Hill as the new Director of Young Adult Ministries. This is exciting and a bit challenging. I am really blessed.

I also want to take this opportunity, as impersonal as it may seem, to let you know how much I love and appreciate you all. I have no way of knowing who actually reads my ramblings, but for those of you who read this that I do not get to keep in touch with regularly, know that your presence in my life is an immeasurable blessing.

emerging

The past few months have been very interesting for me. After returning from a great spring break, I received a second diagnosis and had my car broken into. While dealing with all of that, I began to wonder what my future was going to hold. I needed summer employment, a place to live, and money to pay for school. While listening to advice which came from every direction I looked, I tried to simply listen to the Lord and follow my heart. Several options arose and each time I became aware of a job opportunity or a place to live, part of me got excited. However, I would not allow myself to place my full hope in these possibilities. I have repeatedly learned throughout the years the truth of Romans 5. The only way for hope to not disappoint is to have hope centered in the right person, not in a possible situation. For whatever reason, the Lord gave me grace to just wait and allow Him to reveal things to me. At times I felt as if I were being lazy or perhaps irresponsible. Yet, I found peace and endurance from a source not of my own. He truly sustained me.

Without attempting to explain all of the details here in this post, I will simply share where I am now. I have been blessed with free housing for the summer through house-sitting for friends. I have a full-time job for the summer at the library. In the fall I will resume the job I've had throughout this school year and am pretty certain as to where I will be living. And as of this week, I have been hired by Trinity Hill United Methodist church as the new Director of Young Adult Ministries. This ministry is a combination of college students (undergrad and grad) and young adults in Lexington. I am replacing a fellow seminary student who has graduated and will be moving back to Mississippi. Between the salary I will receive from the church and my part time job, I should be able to pay for a few classes each semester and will continue to hope for scholarship money to resume a full-time status. In addition, I hope to have all of my medical bills paid off by the end of the summer, which I believe is a miracle in itself. Still, my hope remains in who Jesus is and His heart for me, not on the outcome of even these two expectations that I have.

I am really excited about joining with Emerge, the name of the young adult ministry at Trinity Hill. I am excited about the community I will have there, the opportunities it will provide me to love on and invest in fellow believers, all that I will learn through the experience and the various areas it will provide for me to grow in. It only seems fitting that my future has emerged from the very passions of my heart and the Lord's provision.



I am very excited and a bit nervous. The next few months in particular will be very dynamic and challenging. On a positive note, the pastor has promised to work on my "single" status. That should scare me.

May we all continue to allow the Lord to create our futures and our lives. Furthermore, may we allow Him to continue to create us into the men and women He longs for us to be. Out of the brokenness of our lives emerges the hope of our future.