How many times a week do you say these words?
How many times a week do you mean them?
What exactly do these words mean?
As most of you know, I have recently overcome a short battle with cancer. It was a very interesting time in my life and I have been so blessed and honored with the reactions of my friends and family. After a conversation I had one evening with a very dear friend of mine, I gained a whole new insight and appreciation for the meaning of the words, "you're welcome."
Do you have people in your life that simply own a huge piece of your heart? I'm not just talking about all of your family and friends. I'm specifically referring to those people who you think about daily, pray for unceasingly, and the mention of their names or the thought of getting to see them brings a huge smile to your face and warmth to your heart. Well, I have had the privilege of having many such people in my life. Sometimes these people naturally come into your life because they are your family and other times you have been assigned to a position or group of people that led you to meet them. Every once in a while, you just randomly or organically form a bond with someone and from that moment on, they possess a piece of your heart. Regardless of the method in which you become connected, these people are huge blessings in our lives.
Well for me, Matthew Jones is one of those people. I first met Matthew when I worked as a intern for the Thomasville First UMC youth group in the summer of 2006. He was one of the students there. The next year, after I moved to Thomasville and worked there for a little more than a year, he quickly became one of "those people" in my life and has since been a very dear friend. Not unlike most people who hold a very special place in my heart, Matthew and I have shared many conversations, many fun adventures, lots of tears and prayers, and many hopes for the future. I just love this kid so much and can only hope to still be a part of his life for many years to come.
About two weeks after I had received news that I was cancer free, I finally got the chance to talk with Matthew on the phone. We spent a while catching up and just having a good conversation. As we concluded our talk, I was about to say good-bye when Matthew told me to hold on. He wanted to take a minute and express to me how happy he was that I was now healthy, how concerned he had been since he had found out, and simply to reiterate to me how much he loved me. They were very touching words and more importantly, I could feel his heart through them. When he finished, I took a moment to digest what he had expressed to me and then I told him, "thank you" for sharing that with me. It was a huge blessing and I was very encouraged by his words.
Next, Matthew paused for a few moments and then said (I'm paraphrasing here), "well, I'm not going to say 'you're welcome' Jeffrey because I don't think that is true. If I tell you 'you're welcome,' it would be as if I'm saying that this is my heart and I have chosen to express a piece of it to you. Almost as if to say that it is something of mine and you are welcomed to it. However, it's not mine Jeffrey. That piece of my heart belongs to you. It is yours. So who am I to say that you are welcomed to something that is already yours."
We thought for a moment, and then shared our "I love you man"s and said good-bye. For the next couple of weeks, I could not stop thinking about the end of our conversation. Matthew had expressed to me in words something that I have felt for so many people over the years. Especially for people that the Lord has put me in a place of influence in their lives. Guys I have discipled, children I have gotten to minister to with Crosstrainers, and friends and family that I care so deeply for. However, I don't know that I have ever been able to capture the concept in such a set of words.
In conjunction to this conversation, I am taking an Ethics of Hospitality and Contemporary Challenges course this semester and we had been discussing the ever present concept throughout the narrative of scripture of how God is constantly welcoming His people, having His people welcome in the stranger or sojourner, and having His people be the ones who are welcomed in. (I can provide you with a list of scriptures if you are interested) It is a beautiful picture of how this entire world, this life we live is not ours. We are but a stranger; a sojourner on a journey towards the unhindered eternal presence of God. And along the way we have every opportunity to share all that we have with others and to receive everything that others share with us. For in the sharing, we see the love of God.
However, this sharing is too often a result of choice. It is the result of us making a calculated decision as to who is worthy of my time, or my money, or my energy. Which people are worthy of me sharing my life with them? Who is worthy of a piece of my heart? And after making those decisions, we are left with a very small sample of people to give our all to. Everyone else, all the other "sojourners" that cross our path, get very little from us.
And when we do share with them, they tell us "thank you" and we say, "you're welcome." Is it really ours to give to them? Do we even have the right to say "you're welcome"? Are we not only stewards of and vessels of God's love? And is not God's love fully and unconditionally available for everyone?
I know, it is simply natural and even habitual to say "thank you" and "you're welcome" in daily interactions. And I know we will continue to teach our children to say these words. Still, I believe it is vitally important for you to realize what you are saying and then to consider whether that is what you actually mean. Perhaps there is even a new concept we can teach our children beyond simply saying "you're welcome."
I'm not perfect. I don't love fully or unconditionally. I place values on my time and on which people get which parts of me. For friends like Matthew, I will never hesitate to give all that I am. It is truly my joy to love people who already own a huge piece of my heart. And for people like him, I am so very thankful. Still, I believe God wants me to be able to give of myself in the same manner to all people, knowing that the Holy Spirit is my source of strength and love. I need not be concerned with giving too much of myself or of guarding my heart from others taking advantage of me.
As I now tell Matthew, I thank my God for you every time I think of you. For are we not but a gift from God to one another? May you be filled with the gifts God has surrounded you with and may you live a life free to give of yourself without the need to say "you're welcome." Instead, when people say "thank you," may you be able to respond, "all I am is yours." For as His children, we are all welcomed to everything He has for us.
If you haven't listened before, I encourage you to now go to this post and listen to this song again. Perhaps it will mean a bit more to you. And Matthew, I am so very thankful and love you dearly.
October 17, 2010
October 7, 2010
Asbury
I've been asked for a full description of what seminary is by several people lately. While this video doesn't provide the complete expression of all that the Asbury Community is, it may help to give you a glimpse into the heart of this body and the direction that this seminary is headed. Most people hear the word seminary, and immediately think of a place where people go to become pastors. While this is partly true, it is becoming a smaller and smaller component of all that Asbury is committed to. Not that the seminary is any less devoted to raising up strong and passionate pastors, but that the school is realizing the global perspective of Christianity and the needs that exists in many of the arenas of the church today.
Although I wasn't aware of this, I somehow wound up in this video for a few seconds as well, just for proof to any of you who wondered whether or not I was actually in school up here. The aspect of the video that is really neat to me is that so many of my friends are also captured in this video, as well as pastors and missionaries that I've worked with and met around the world. The Asbury community is quite broad and seems to only be growing more and more every year. The video cannot be embedded within my blog, but you can click on this link to watch it on YouTube.
Although I wasn't aware of this, I somehow wound up in this video for a few seconds as well, just for proof to any of you who wondered whether or not I was actually in school up here. The aspect of the video that is really neat to me is that so many of my friends are also captured in this video, as well as pastors and missionaries that I've worked with and met around the world. The Asbury community is quite broad and seems to only be growing more and more every year. The video cannot be embedded within my blog, but you can click on this link to watch it on YouTube.
October 6, 2010
life update
For many of you who are not aware of what has been happening in my life this year, I'm going to quickly fill you in. Partly I'm doing this because I'm ridiculous enough to think that some of you would like to know. Mostly, however, I'm doing this so that when I make references in some of my future posts (I promise I have a list of things I want to write about), you will know what I am referring to.
In short, I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma in late February of this year. The doctors can only assume that the trauma my kidneys endured when I contracted malaria back in 2006 plus having been on dialysis in the fall of 2008, after the "Death by Coconut" incident, weakened them enough for the cancer to form. I had not been feeling well for quite a while, and finally the doctors figured out what was going on after a lot of tests. The cancer was only in my right kidney and the prognosis was really, really good, all things considered. I was just barely into stage 2 (out of 4 stages) and luckily for me chemotherapy is not normally part of the treatment for this type of cancer.
After a few more tests, I started cycles of radiation treatments along with several other medicines in early March and eventually had to suspend my studies at Asbury. I also eventually quit both of my jobs, one due to the cancer and the other due to a multitude of reasons. After I made my way down to Georgia for a couple of weddings in June and suffered a few broken ribs from a freak accident with a Jeep and a large iron gate, I resumed treatments back in Lexington and as of Friday, September 3rd, I was declared to be cancer free. The treatments have worked and all looks well for my health.
Partly because I'm still processing a lot of things emotionally and spiritually and partly because there aren't enough words, I can't begin to explain to you all that was involved in this process for me. However, I consciously did not make my illness public knowledge for personal reasons that I believed would help me in my recovery. Looking back, I believe I made the right decision and I'm thankful for the Lord's faithfulness and His healing touch. Even though most of you had no idea what was happening in my life, I know that many of you were still praying for me as the Lord laid me on your hearts and I thank my God for you.
As I wrote above, there is just too much for me to try and explain everything in this one post. Thus, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or ask me in person. I'll be happy to share more or attempt to answer your questions. Most importantly, please just know that I am healthy once more, which is almost a foreign feeling for me in light of the past few years of my life. I am trying to make up my courses from the Spring semester in which I was graciously given incompletes until I had the strength and ability to focus on school work again. Thus, I am essentially taking 6 classes right now and frantically trying to maintain the integrity with which I do my work while also being realistic about my time constraints. I count the privilege of seminary to be such an honor and am determined to allow the Spirit to orchestrate as much formation within my heart as possible as I progress through this journey. I am not in Kentucky to simply get a Masters degree. I'm here to be shaped, formed, and molded and I do not want to pass that by. I now have two new jobs and the Lord is slowly taking care of my medical bills as He is graciously providing for all of my needs.
Again, I thank you for your prayers. I thank you for reading my meager thoughts. And as soon as I complete some of these assignments and return to some form of normalcy in my life, I will begin to blog about many of the topics that have been added to my list and have been ruminating in my heart lately.
He is faithful (regardless of my health).
He is loving (regardless of my emotions).
He is kind (regardless of my insecurities).
He is true (regardless of my doubts).
May you know Him to be all of these and more.
In short, I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma in late February of this year. The doctors can only assume that the trauma my kidneys endured when I contracted malaria back in 2006 plus having been on dialysis in the fall of 2008, after the "Death by Coconut" incident, weakened them enough for the cancer to form. I had not been feeling well for quite a while, and finally the doctors figured out what was going on after a lot of tests. The cancer was only in my right kidney and the prognosis was really, really good, all things considered. I was just barely into stage 2 (out of 4 stages) and luckily for me chemotherapy is not normally part of the treatment for this type of cancer.
After a few more tests, I started cycles of radiation treatments along with several other medicines in early March and eventually had to suspend my studies at Asbury. I also eventually quit both of my jobs, one due to the cancer and the other due to a multitude of reasons. After I made my way down to Georgia for a couple of weddings in June and suffered a few broken ribs from a freak accident with a Jeep and a large iron gate, I resumed treatments back in Lexington and as of Friday, September 3rd, I was declared to be cancer free. The treatments have worked and all looks well for my health.
Partly because I'm still processing a lot of things emotionally and spiritually and partly because there aren't enough words, I can't begin to explain to you all that was involved in this process for me. However, I consciously did not make my illness public knowledge for personal reasons that I believed would help me in my recovery. Looking back, I believe I made the right decision and I'm thankful for the Lord's faithfulness and His healing touch. Even though most of you had no idea what was happening in my life, I know that many of you were still praying for me as the Lord laid me on your hearts and I thank my God for you.
As I wrote above, there is just too much for me to try and explain everything in this one post. Thus, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or ask me in person. I'll be happy to share more or attempt to answer your questions. Most importantly, please just know that I am healthy once more, which is almost a foreign feeling for me in light of the past few years of my life. I am trying to make up my courses from the Spring semester in which I was graciously given incompletes until I had the strength and ability to focus on school work again. Thus, I am essentially taking 6 classes right now and frantically trying to maintain the integrity with which I do my work while also being realistic about my time constraints. I count the privilege of seminary to be such an honor and am determined to allow the Spirit to orchestrate as much formation within my heart as possible as I progress through this journey. I am not in Kentucky to simply get a Masters degree. I'm here to be shaped, formed, and molded and I do not want to pass that by. I now have two new jobs and the Lord is slowly taking care of my medical bills as He is graciously providing for all of my needs.
Again, I thank you for your prayers. I thank you for reading my meager thoughts. And as soon as I complete some of these assignments and return to some form of normalcy in my life, I will begin to blog about many of the topics that have been added to my list and have been ruminating in my heart lately.
He is faithful (regardless of my health).
He is loving (regardless of my emotions).
He is kind (regardless of my insecurities).
He is true (regardless of my doubts).
May you know Him to be all of these and more.
October 1, 2010
i am
A new song I heard recently from some of my more favorite artists, Brian and Jenn Johnson. I don't know that I'm in a place where I can passionately sing this song with the highest integrity right now. There are parts of me that are a bit too raw. But I am really encouraged by listening to it and I hope your heart is encouraged as well. Simple Truth can be profound and shift your very soul. May the shifting begin.
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