Masana

Please watch the following video. It is an overview of the ministry of my dear dear friend Sarah Olds. She and I worked together at the Wesley Foundation with the Crosstrainers ministry for several years. She has been living in Mozambique for three years now.

Enjoy the video and please keep her and all of the boys in your prayers. If you are interested in knowing more about her, the Masana ministry, or if you are interested in supporting her financially, please contact me and I will connect you with her.



May you daily grow deeper in an experiential knowledge of the Father's Heart.

Free Day

I know this is only two months late. However, I wanted to share some pics with you showcasing the incredible graciousness and love of my friends. Back in the beginning of September, we wanted to celebrate my "cancer free" news. It also happened to be my birthday. Thus, my friends decided to celebrate "Free's free day" combining my being free of cancer and my birthday. I had no idea the extent they were going to as they set up the party. The party was held on the property of Rose Hill, the place where the seminary president lives. Two of my dear friends, who hosted the party, live right behind the president's house on the property. Just take a look.

Coming up the driveway, these first four pictures show you the signs that were taped to the lamp posts along the driveway.

The next three pictures are just some more of the signs they posted around the yard.

Furthermore, they made a "cancer pinata" so we could figuratively beat the **** out of cancer.

Here are pictures of the extravagant table they set up in a very serene setting for dinner.

A sentimental gift sent all the way from Red Lady in Mozambique.

The Barbee's made an enormous homemade carrot cake, my favorite. I mean, they cooked the carrots, shredded them, made the icing, and did this all with a special recipe that was coconut free so that I could enjoy it. (sigh)

Sharing life with incredible friends means having people to walk through the struggles and battles of life. Furthermore, it means having great friends to celebrate life's victories with who are just as excited about your good news as you are. Nothing compares to the richness of living life in a beautiful, loving and caring community. May you all live life within a community that can share in every moment with you.

Redeemer

This past week, I had the opportunity to meet a family who is going through their own battle with cancer. The little girl, Emily, is battling leukemia and has the constant support and presence of her mom, Megan. They very quickly became my friends. During the week, even in my very broken, unsettled, and frustrated Spirit, I was able to hear part of their story and share small bits of my story with her (the mom, Megan). I got to tell her a little bit about my friend Jesus and about all of you, my friends who are Jesus for me. Well on Wednesday night, Emily had a really bad scare and Megan was really upset. That night she asked if I'd pray with her, and I told her I would. I really had no words to say, other than to call on Jesus' name and to speak out scriptures that the Spirit laid on my heart. When I was closing the prayer, Megan stopped me and told me that she wanted to know Jesus. So we talked and then she spent some time talking with Jesus. A few moments later, she was called away and I didn't see them again until Friday morning. Megan came in, gave me a really big hug, told me that Emily was doing a ton better and that she was having a great time with her new friend. Being the idiot that I am, I asked, "your new friend?" She said, "Yes. You introduced Him to me as Jesus. Now I call Him Redeemer." I had no words.

I am not even close to understanding why the Lord allowed me to meet and have these conversations with Megan. God is much bigger than needing me to be the only person who could help Megan meet Jesus. However, what I do know is that in the midst of my utter brokenness and weakness, Megan met my Jesus and started calling Him her Redeemer. He never ceases to amaze me. All of your prayers for me over the past year are my source of strength. Because of you I was able to share a small part of my story and now Megan's story becomes intertwined with our Grand story. Please pray for our sister and her little Emily as they continue in their own story with a brand new hope, peace, understanding and love.

You're Welcome

How many times a week do you say these words?
How many times a week do you mean them?
What exactly do these words mean?

As most of you know, I have recently overcome a short battle with cancer. It was a very interesting time in my life and I have been so blessed and honored with the reactions of my friends and family. After a conversation I had one evening with a very dear friend of mine, I gained a whole new insight and appreciation for the meaning of the words, "you're welcome."

Do you have people in your life that simply own a huge piece of your heart? I'm not just talking about all of your family and friends. I'm specifically referring to those people who you think about daily, pray for unceasingly, and the mention of their names or the thought of getting to see them brings a huge smile to your face and warmth to your heart. Well, I have had the privilege of having many such people in my life. Sometimes these people naturally come into your life because they are your family and other times you have been assigned to a position or group of people that led you to meet them. Every once in a while, you just randomly or organically form a bond with someone and from that moment on, they possess a piece of your heart. Regardless of the method in which you become connected, these people are huge blessings in our lives.

Well for me, Matthew Jones is one of those people. I first met Matthew when I worked as a intern for the Thomasville First UMC youth group in the summer of 2006. He was one of the students there. The next year, after I moved to Thomasville and worked there for a little more than a year, he quickly became one of "those people" in my life and has since been a very dear friend. Not unlike most people who hold a very special place in my heart, Matthew and I have shared many conversations, many fun adventures, lots of tears and prayers, and many hopes for the future. I just love this kid so much and can only hope to still be a part of his life for many years to come.

About two weeks after I had received news that I was cancer free, I finally got the chance to talk with Matthew on the phone. We spent a while catching up and just having a good conversation. As we concluded our talk, I was about to say good-bye when Matthew told me to hold on. He wanted to take a minute and express to me how happy he was that I was now healthy, how concerned he had been since he had found out, and simply to reiterate to me how much he loved me. They were very touching words and more importantly, I could feel his heart through them. When he finished, I took a moment to digest what he had expressed to me and then I told him, "thank you" for sharing that with me. It was a huge blessing and I was very encouraged by his words.

Next, Matthew paused for a few moments and then said (I'm paraphrasing here), "well, I'm not going to say 'you're welcome' Jeffrey because I don't think that is true. If I tell you 'you're welcome,' it would be as if I'm saying that this is my heart and I have chosen to express a piece of it to you. Almost as if to say that it is something of mine and you are welcomed to it. However, it's not mine Jeffrey. That piece of my heart belongs to you. It is yours. So who am I to say that you are welcomed to something that is already yours."

We thought for a moment, and then shared our "I love you man"s and said good-bye. For the next couple of weeks, I could not stop thinking about the end of our conversation. Matthew had expressed to me in words something that I have felt for so many people over the years. Especially for people that the Lord has put me in a place of influence in their lives. Guys I have discipled, children I have gotten to minister to with Crosstrainers, and friends and family that I care so deeply for. However, I don't know that I have ever been able to capture the concept in such a set of words.

In conjunction to this conversation, I am taking an Ethics of Hospitality and Contemporary Challenges course this semester and we had been discussing the ever present concept throughout the narrative of scripture of how God is constantly welcoming His people, having His people welcome in the stranger or sojourner, and having His people be the ones who are welcomed in. (I can provide you with a list of scriptures if you are interested) It is a beautiful picture of how this entire world, this life we live is not ours. We are but a stranger; a sojourner on a journey towards the unhindered eternal presence of God. And along the way we have every opportunity to share all that we have with others and to receive everything that others share with us. For in the sharing, we see the love of God.

However, this sharing is too often a result of choice. It is the result of us making a calculated decision as to who is worthy of my time, or my money, or my energy. Which people are worthy of me sharing my life with them? Who is worthy of a piece of my heart? And after making those decisions, we are left with a very small sample of people to give our all to. Everyone else, all the other "sojourners" that cross our path, get very little from us.

And when we do share with them, they tell us "thank you" and we say, "you're welcome." Is it really ours to give to them? Do we even have the right to say "you're welcome"? Are we not only stewards of and vessels of God's love? And is not God's love fully and unconditionally available for everyone?

I know, it is simply natural and even habitual to say "thank you" and "you're welcome" in daily interactions. And I know we will continue to teach our children to say these words. Still, I believe it is vitally important for you to realize what you are saying and then to consider whether that is what you actually mean. Perhaps there is even a new concept we can teach our children beyond simply saying "you're welcome."

I'm not perfect. I don't love fully or unconditionally. I place values on my time and on which people get which parts of me. For friends like Matthew, I will never hesitate to give all that I am. It is truly my joy to love people who already own a huge piece of my heart. And for people like him, I am so very thankful. Still, I believe God wants me to be able to give of myself in the same manner to all people, knowing that the Holy Spirit is my source of strength and love. I need not be concerned with giving too much of myself or of guarding my heart from others taking advantage of me.

As I now tell Matthew, I thank my God for you every time I think of you. For are we not but a gift from God to one another? May you be filled with the gifts God has surrounded you with and may you live a life free to give of yourself without the need to say "you're welcome." Instead, when people say "thank you," may you be able to respond, "all I am is yours." For as His children, we are all welcomed to everything He has for us.

If you haven't listened before, I encourage you to now go to this post and listen to this song again. Perhaps it will mean a bit more to you. And Matthew, I am so very thankful and love you dearly.

Asbury

I've been asked for a full description of what seminary is by several people lately. While this video doesn't provide the complete expression of all that the Asbury Community is, it may help to give you a glimpse into the heart of this body and the direction that this seminary is headed. Most people hear the word seminary, and immediately think of a place where people go to become pastors. While this is partly true, it is becoming a smaller and smaller component of all that Asbury is committed to. Not that the seminary is any less devoted to raising up strong and passionate pastors, but that the school is realizing the global perspective of Christianity and the needs that exists in many of the arenas of the church today.

Although I wasn't aware of this, I somehow wound up in this video for a few seconds as well, just for proof to any of you who wondered whether or not I was actually in school up here. The aspect of the video that is really neat to me is that so many of my friends are also captured in this video, as well as pastors and missionaries that I've worked with and met around the world. The Asbury community is quite broad and seems to only be growing more and more every year. The video cannot be embedded within my blog, but you can click on this link to watch it on YouTube.

life update

For many of you who are not aware of what has been happening in my life this year, I'm going to quickly fill you in. Partly I'm doing this because I'm ridiculous enough to think that some of you would like to know. Mostly, however, I'm doing this so that when I make references in some of my future posts (I promise I have a list of things I want to write about), you will know what I am referring to.

In short, I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma in late February of this year. The doctors can only assume that the trauma my kidneys endured when I contracted malaria back in 2006 plus having been on dialysis in the fall of 2008, after the "Death by Coconut" incident, weakened them enough for the cancer to form. I had not been feeling well for quite a while, and finally the doctors figured out what was going on after a lot of tests. The cancer was only in my right kidney and the prognosis was really, really good, all things considered. I was just barely into stage 2 (out of 4 stages) and luckily for me chemotherapy is not normally part of the treatment for this type of cancer.

After a few more tests, I started cycles of radiation treatments along with several other medicines in early March and eventually had to suspend my studies at Asbury. I also eventually quit both of my jobs, one due to the cancer and the other due to a multitude of reasons. After I made my way down to Georgia for a couple of weddings in June and suffered a few broken ribs from a freak accident with a Jeep and a large iron gate, I resumed treatments back in Lexington and as of Friday, September 3rd, I was declared to be cancer free. The treatments have worked and all looks well for my health.

Partly because I'm still processing a lot of things emotionally and spiritually and partly because there aren't enough words, I can't begin to explain to you all that was involved in this process for me. However, I consciously did not make my illness public knowledge for personal reasons that I believed would help me in my recovery. Looking back, I believe I made the right decision and I'm thankful for the Lord's faithfulness and His healing touch. Even though most of you had no idea what was happening in my life, I know that many of you were still praying for me as the Lord laid me on your hearts and I thank my God for you.

As I wrote above, there is just too much for me to try and explain everything in this one post. Thus, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or ask me in person. I'll be happy to share more or attempt to answer your questions. Most importantly, please just know that I am healthy once more, which is almost a foreign feeling for me in light of the past few years of my life. I am trying to make up my courses from the Spring semester in which I was graciously given incompletes until I had the strength and ability to focus on school work again. Thus, I am essentially taking 6 classes right now and frantically trying to maintain the integrity with which I do my work while also being realistic about my time constraints. I count the privilege of seminary to be such an honor and am determined to allow the Spirit to orchestrate as much formation within my heart as possible as I progress through this journey. I am not in Kentucky to simply get a Masters degree. I'm here to be shaped, formed, and molded and I do not want to pass that by. I now have two new jobs and the Lord is slowly taking care of my medical bills as He is graciously providing for all of my needs.

Again, I thank you for your prayers. I thank you for reading my meager thoughts. And as soon as I complete some of these assignments and return to some form of normalcy in my life, I will begin to blog about many of the topics that have been added to my list and have been ruminating in my heart lately.

He is faithful (regardless of my health).
He is loving (regardless of my emotions).
He is kind (regardless of my insecurities).
He is true (regardless of my doubts).

May you know Him to be all of these and more.

i am

A new song I heard recently from some of my more favorite artists, Brian and Jenn Johnson. I don't know that I'm in a place where I can passionately sing this song with the highest integrity right now. There are parts of me that are a bit too raw. But I am really encouraged by listening to it and I hope your heart is encouraged as well. Simple Truth can be profound and shift your very soul. May the shifting begin.

blessed

This pretty much describes my evening. I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. More details and more posts to come soon, I promise.

Exciting New Voice

One of my favorite narratives in the Bible is found in 1 Samuel 3. I can not imagine how Samuel must have felt through this entire encounter. Maybe it would be best if you take a moment and go read that chapter. While you do, try to imagine the emotions Samuel would have felt. (frustration, excitement, fear, wonder, etc...) And remember, you are reading about maybe a 12 year old boy. This isn't the adult prophet Samuel that we encounter in later scriptures. This is a young boy serving in the temple. (you can catch up on Samuel's history by reading the first two chapter if you are so motivated) So, go read it....


I know how excited I get to hear a familiar voice whether it be a friend's on the phone or my nephew's when I visit home. Likewise, I get pretty motivated when I try to listen to the Lord as well. It is so different, but there is a beautiful grace in waiting on the Spirit and hearing by faith. I know what the journey has been for me in trying to discern the Lord's voice throughout my life. What if you had an experience like Samuel? What if when you heard your name you responded with, "speak Lord, your servant is listening"? And what if that voice then responded? Would you be scared, excited, or would your emotions be dependent on the message you received?

I don't have some great insight into any of this. However, I love reading this story and thinking about all that was going on in Israel (no one had heard God's voice for many years), in Eli's life (his troublesome sons and his care for this boy Samuel), or especially in Samuel's life. I encourage you to read through the story several times and really allow the Holy Spirit to stir your imagination to hear the sounds, see the images, and feel the emotions of this event. As you re-live this small moment in history, may you encounter a new voice. And when you hear it, may you respond with "Speak Lord, your child is listening."

Freedom Museum

Back in the beginning of the semester, I was privileged to take a trip to Cincinnati with several other seminary students and staff to visit the Freedom Museum, specifically presenting a history of the Underground Railroad.

A view of the Ohio river from inside the museum.

The entire experience was overwhelming and encouraging at the same time. Experiencing the horrors and injustice of slavery as well as the bravery and grace of the fight against it alongside a community of brothers and sisters, all of whom are being broken over the current state of human trafficking in our world, was truly transformational.

This is the opening painting and exhibit within the museum.

One of the most gripping experiences for me personally was the realization that the largest slave castle from which men, women and children were loaded onto ships was the very one that I visited in 2006 when I was in Ghana. The name of the castle is Elmina and is pictured below from a few photographs I took when I was there. Remembering the weight of my heart when I prayed over the remains of that castle in Ghana and the injustices carried out there while I was standing inside the Freedom museum in Cincinnati was a horrific convergence of two very real worlds and two very real experiences. Each experience truly elevating the reality of the other.





Furthermore, there was a special exhibit on display when we were at the museum chronicling the history of lynching within the United States. Now remember, this covered the history of lynching throughout the whole of the United States, not only the lynching of slaves in the South. In response to that exhibit, I recorded the following thoughts in my journal that evening:

In reading the captions and seeing all of the pictures of victims who had been lynched around America, I was reminded of how often the persons being lynched had been accused of certain crimes or injustices. I found myself quick to have sympathy for them and the injustice that was being done to them to kill them in such a tortuous manner. However, I also found myself wondering how many of them, regardless of race or location, were actually guilty of the crime they had been accused of. At that moment, I was shocked at the reality that I was even thinking about this. For if I knew that they were actually guilty, I would have in some way felt a lesser degree of sympathy for them? Why did I feel like that? I’m not sure. The reality remained that they had been inhumanely tortured and killed. Should their degree or state of innocence or guilt effect the degree of compassion I feel for them? Should I fight against the injustice done on someone or on a group of people differently if I consider how guilty or even how worthy they are? Christ surely did not allow the guilt of my sin stop His outpouring of love and compassion to save me. I began thinking through all of these emotions and thoughts and was essentially reminded that there is no room for me to attempt to judge someone’s innocence or degree of worthiness when fighting against the injustice being done to them. If they are worthy of Christ’s blood, they are more than worthy of my compassion, prayers, energy and love. Even though it can be easy to be broken over the injustice of a helpless child caught in sex trafficking, I should just as quickly be broken over the injustice of a _________ (fill in the blank) being the subject of another form of human trafficking.

Here are a few pictures I took at the exhibit. (you can click on the pictures to enlarge them if you can't read the writing.)

The next to last cause is "Insult to White Persons"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" ~ Edmund Burke

May the redemption that came through the hands and hearts of those who fought against the injustices of our past encourage us and move us to move against the injustices in our world today. There are more humans enslaved in the world today than at any other time in human history. May we have grace to know, grace to be appalled, and grace to do something from a place of love.

a secluded extrovert

Ever had one of those moments? One of those moments when you really need Jesus yet you hold yourself back from His presence until you get "cleaned up" or "fixed"?

I spent the last couple of years of high school, all of college and the first two years after college becoming more outgoing and trying to be more extroverted. I honestly felt as if I was becoming more and more of who God made me to be. To this day, I still feel as if that is true. However, in the past few years I have watched myself begin moving in the opposite direction. Perhaps returning to some of my more introverted behaviors and isolating tendencies. Why?

I don't know. I think most of this has to do with living so far from family and my closest friends. Being in a new place and trying to develop a strong community while longing for "the way things were." How silly is that? I have the incredible opportunity to attend Asbury full-time and be a part of this grace-filled community while the Lord is trying to prepare me and mold me. And still I find myself feeling alone. It is so strange. And it's simply not what is true.

Lately, I have been going through several different things which have involved varying degrees of difficulty. At times, I find myself sharing certain struggles with certain people and other struggles with different people. Almost as if I'm deciding who would be best to encourage me and walk with me through various segments of my journey. (as a side, it is moments like these when a single person is tempted to believe that having a spouse would help to solve the majority of these issues) At others times, I just put my head down and push through portions by myself, as if it would require too much energy for me to have someone come with me. Why?

For me, I know that I am not looking for the answer to that question. Is that strange? I'm not looking because I am convinced there isn't just one simple answer. The complications of our lives and the dynamics of our relationships dictate how each of us would deal with our own journeys. I am, however, actively asking that question because in the asking I am being reminded of foundational truths.

You know one of the greatest lessons to be learned from Jesus' life on this planet, in my opinion, is what He taught us through passages such as Matthew 11:28-30. We only need to come to Him. We don't need to "get right" with God or clean ourselves up in order to approach Him. Does a wounded and dirty child hesitate to run into their father's arms when they need him? No, their instincts and experiences tell them it is within their Father's arms that they will be cleaned and find comfort. Still, how often do we hesitate to be with Jesus? There are moments in my life when I have felt compelled to go to Him in the midst of complete brokenness. There are other times when I have allowed _________ (church, society, religion, pride, ignorance, others' perceptions, etc...) to delay my going to Him. Yet, that is completely opposite of what He requires and wants for us.

While I continue to figure that out, I believe some of the same issues are at play in my having become a secluded extrovert. Part of me still feels as if that outgoing side of me is who I truly am. Yet, for whatever reason, I have bought into this concept of getting aspects of my life in order before I can reasonably and justly expect others to be there for me.

I recently posted a video of a Phil Wickham song on this blog called Safe in His Arms. However, sometimes it is really hard to trust in that if we don't know what His arms look like. Perhaps I haven't been running blindly into Jesus' arms because I haven't known where the best place is to find them (friends, family, prayer closet, worship service, etc...) But I do know that I can always trust His heart. That will never fail me. And instead of trying to figure out this part of my journey, I need to just present me, exactly as the broken mess I am, to all people all the time and find the answers as I go.

I'm sure none of that made any sense. So I apologize for unloading the confusion of my thoughts on you. But I will leave you with this song, which doesn't provide an "answer" or even really "touch me" per se, but it has helped to facilitate a lot of my thoughts lately. Thus, I can only hope it helps to express what I've attempted to share with you.



May you not hide from any part of your journey nor any one who is there to go with you.

four become two

In the beginning of June, I was able to attend two weddings in consecutive weekends. Thus, I got to witness two becoming one, twice. It was a great trip and I was able to go home in between the two which was a huge blessing. Here are a few pics from the weddings.

Mr. and Mrs. Sean and Casey Nestor (literally taken about 5 min. after they were married)!

and I got to hang out with Sean and Chris again at the same time.

I was so honored to be asked to be in his wedding.


weddings are always a great place to catch up with old friends

Mr. and Mrs. Andrew and Lori Randall!




and I got to catch up with Alyssa finally :)

Asbury Family

Seminary life can be difficult. There's no better way to say that. But below are some pics of my Asbury family over the past two years. Family that I've cried with, prayed with, laughed with, and grown with. The key word being "with." A true community if I've ever had one. Some have now moved on, we've welcomed new kids, and for those of us still here we anticipate at least one more year together.

I love my Asbury Family!!!




My first year roommate Isaac. He's now married and lives back in North Dakota.

Me and L.T. I got to celebrate his first Thanksgiving with him.




The beautiful Bella



Proud Papa

L.T.'s Dedication





L.T.

A halloween outing. The group went as "gang green"