biopsy

Optical biopsy's (or whatever the technical term is) are painful and weird. I had mine today. After "paralyzing" one eye so that it wouldn't move during the biopsy, I can only see out of one of my eyes. I should have complete vision back by tomorrow morning (hopefully before class).



Still praying it is not cancer. But regardless, I can't go through a day like today without thanking the Lord for the gift of vision. What a beautiful world! May you see all that He has placed around you, the beauty and the pain, and be moved by both into an appropriate response.

Fighting the battle

The past month, we have been focusing on the Kingdom during our gatherings at Emerge. I have been talking to them all about what it means to be a part of a Kingdom, what our inheritance is, what our purpose is, etc... Last week, we looked at what it means to fight for the Kingdom.

In the gospel, we read that the Kingdom is forcefully advancing (Matt. 11:12). These words inspire the images of a fierce battle in which the boundaries of the Kingdom are expanded. Yet, we know that the Kingdom coming is not a kingdom of this world. The Kingdom Christians long for is the reign and rule of Jesus. Still, as inhabitants of His Kingdom, we have a responsibility to fight for its advancement.

We can find many references in scripture to battle and how we are to play a role in it. What I suggested to the students at Emerge is that the battle we fight most often comes back to a battle in our minds. For the kingdom to advance in me, more and more of my heart, soul, and mind has to be subjected to the Truth of Jesus. Therefore, acquiring the mind of Christ is one of the primary goals for each of us as we help usher in the Kingdom.

Paul writes about "taking every thought captive" in his letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 10:3-5). In order to do this, truth has to be dwelling within me. Without the presence of truth in my life, I am unable to identify the lies of the enemy and subsequently cannot take them captive. Once I can identify the lies, I seek the truth of scripture and of the heart of Jesus (He is the Living Word) and replace the lies with truth. Thus, this entire process of taking thoughts captive is what I am suggesting to be one of the foremost avenues through which we fight in His Kingdom.

This may not look like Mel Gibson covered in paint and blood, riding a horse around a field stirring up his fellow countrymen to fight for freedom (Braveheart reference), yet it is the process through which the real boundaries of freedom are expanded in our lives. And when more of my heart and mind are subjected to the King, more of the kingdom is established within me. Likewise, the more thoughts you take captive, the more the kingdom is established within you. And as you and I interact, both having more of the kingdom inside of us, more of the Kingdom in manifested in our interaction.

Let me give you an example. Throughout the past couple of weeks, I've been waiting to find out whether or not I have eye cancer. If you've read my previous post, you know that I am still unsure as to whether or not I have cancer. While waiting to know the result, my biggest fear has not been whether or not I have cancer. My largest fear has been the thought of having to fight through it by myself here in Kentucky.

I have great friends here (really, I do). I am loving my church more and more. Still, my closest friends and family are all a far ways off. Combined with my experience of being in the hospital last fall by myself, I became very anxious and concerned about how I would emotionally be able to handle all of this. Even when I would allow myself to think that friends here would care for me or some of you would come visit me, I would discount those thoughts by thinking "they would, but it would be so much of a burden on them. They have enough going on in their lives right now. I can't expect them to do that. If only I were married, etc..." If I were to tell you this to your face, most of you would respond with something like, "but you are not alone Jeffrey. We are here. We may not be close to you physically, but we are still here to go through this with you. We will pray for you and if need be, we can even come to visit you." I would be encouraged by your words. Still, I would be fearful and anxious.

Yet, when I allowed the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to the lies I was believing about being alone, not feeling significant, etc..., I quickly and humbly began letting Him replace those thoughts with truth. Truth that I am loved, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, that He is my provider and my healer, that He is my comforter and restorer, etc... And taking these thoughts captive made a huge difference in my mind, my heart, my anxiety level, and my fear. It also helped me to turn back to seeking His kingdom first and not being so focused on myself. Therefore, the Kingdom advanced.

None of the truths I mentioned above were new revelations for me. Still, I had allowed myself to listen to and start believing some lies; lies which began destroying, or at least hindering the Kingdom within me.

God is greater than the lies we face. Jesus' compassion is greater than any fear we can live in. The Holy Spirit has more power to speak truth than the enemy has to convince us of lies. We simply have to receive it. 1 Peter 4:7 says, "Therefore, be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray."

May each of you fight the battle of taking captive the thoughts and the lies of the enemy in your minds. May the truth of Jesus, and Jesus Himself, fill those places previously occupied with lies. May the Kingdom forcefully advance within you. And may the Kingdom be manifested in greater ways as we interact with one another.

i need your faith

Throughout scripture, faith is tied with healing. Jesus told the woman with the bleeding condition, after she had reached out to touch his robe, that her faith had healed her. Time and time again faith is a component of being healed. While I don't pretend to have a firm understanding on how the Lord heals, I know from scripture that faith plays a role.

Also noteworthy, however, is the fact that healing isn't always contingent upon one's own faith. Scripture, while maintaining the relationship between faith and healing, also gives reference to faith healing other people.

The centurion had faith that led to the healing of his servant. The father's faith led to the healing of his daughter. Friends' faith, as they lowered down the man through the roof, led to his healing. And most notably, Lazarus was risen from the dead not because of his own faith (he was dead!), but by the faith of his friends and family.

I believe. The Lord has proven himself faithful to me more times that I could hope to remember. Yet, I admit that I am weak and sometimes worry. I know He is good. And by that I am sustained.

Yesterday I returned to the doctor to find out about my eye. After several tests and a lot of nerves, the results came. And the verdict.....inconclusive. That's much better than what I could have heard, yet it is still not, "no cancer." There are more tests to come (some blood work, an optical scan, and if need be, some type of micro-biopsy). I have eye drops to use daily ($109 for a bottle that insurance wouldn't pay for).

I am really ok. And I am still believing that this will all become nothing and I will find out that I do not have cancer. But until that day comes, I need your faith. I need your prayers and your petitions raised to the Lord on my behalf. I ask for this in confidence of His love for us and in humility before you. I am honored and blessed by your prayers.

May you grow in your faith in the Lord as He proves Himself faithful to you. May your faith sustain you and those you love, as others' faith helps to sustain you. ~with Love.

breathing

In case any of you were wondering, I am still alive. Life is really good but really busy these days, thus there have been no posts recently. I just wanted to take a minute to give you a quick update of what is going on with me.

I am living in my new place now, and have been for almost a month. I will try to post pics soon. I still need to get everything put up on the walls, etc... It is going really well. It is a nice place in a great location. I absolutely LOVE the fact that I once again have a place to hang my hammock and have spent a lot of time laying in it while reading for school.

My parents, both of my sisters, and my two nephews and one niece came to visit me over Labor Day weekend. They were gracious enough to bring my furniture up to me and we did a little birthday dinner to celebrate mine and my mom's birthday. It was so great to see them up here and to be able to show them a small part of what my life looks like these days. My oldest nephew, Evan, was disappointed that he didn't get to see any snow in " 'tucky" as he calls it.

School has started and is going well. I really like all of my professors and classes. There is so much to read, but I am sure that I'll find a way to get through it all. Between cleaning and working with Emerge, I'm averaging right at 40 hours a week with work. So between the two jobs and school, I'm not currently looking for a new hobby.

I have been blessed recently by the Lord. I feel like His Kingdom is advancing so much in my mind and in my heart. Chapel services at the seminary have been incredible. My personal time with Him and just our daily interaction has been so life-giving to me. I have had some great conversations with new people and am excited about the rest of this year.

I was able to visit the weddings of two friends recently and was incredibly blessed at both of them. Although I'm still waiting for the day when I'll get married, it's an honor to watch people whom I love so dearly celebrate their weddings.

Everything with Emerge is going well. I would love to see greater numbers and more consistency in attendance with the group, yet I am blessed at the Lord's faithfulness in the ways I have been able to watch Him work in peoples' lives. I continue to sit in prayer for the ministry, seeking His vision and discernment, and I appreciate your prayers for this as well.

I must be honest and say that I am a little anxious and nervous to go back to the doctor next month and find out what is going on with my eye. I still am rather confident that everything will be fine, but the closer it gets the more I think about it. Again, I appreciate your prayers over this.

And finally, I am just seeking more and more intentionality and quality time in every aspect of my life. Whether I am blessed with a random conversation, am enjoying a scheduled discipleship meeting, reading for one of my classes, being blessed with an incredible phone/skype conversation as I catch up with one of my friends, am sitting in chapel, or am praying through the burdens and concerns on my heart for many of you, the Lord is giving me grace to be intentional and fully present in most of those interactions. (I mean, how else could I lay in my hammock on a beautiful day and read for 5 hours without falling asleep?) So now, I am enjoying what He has for me as I simultaneously seek for more, and am hoping that I find a good rhythm for all of this in order that I get more than a few hours of sleep daily.

May you all find grace and meaning in each moment of your day. And for the many struggles you are facing in your own lives and in the lives of those you love and care about, find comfort in the promise that He never leaves us. Even if all you want is an answer, try to receive the peace of His presence. Hopefully more, and more substantive, posts will be coming soon. Be blessed!

Who am I?

In Matthew 16, Jesus has a discussion with His disciples that is full of insight and truth for us today. He asks them who people say that he is. After hearing several responses from Peter, He then asks Peter specifically, "Who do you say that I am?"

Peter answers that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus then comments on Peter's answer and follows that comment by telling Peter that he is the rock on which He will build His church.

So, what's the big deal? I believe it is incredibly important to pay attention to the role of the characters in this story and the ordering of the events. First of all, Peter has to answer the question, "Who do you say that I am?"

How can Peter answer such a question? He can do so because he has spent time with Jesus, worked with Him, watched Him perform miracles, listened to His teachings, etc... And out of that experience and the discernment given to him through the Holy Spirit, Peter answers "the Son of God."

Then, after Peter has made his own confession and declaration of who Christ is, Jesus tells Peter who he(Peter) is. After Peter has come to realize who Jesus is, then Jesus is able to reveal Peter's true identity to him. And what an identity Peter has.

So, who are you? How would you answer this question to yourself, "Who am I?"

Well, before you can answer that, and get the total truth, you must first realize and declare who Jesus is. Once you have come to that realization, Jesus will tell you who you are. That you are a child of God, a co-heir with Christ to the throne. That you are His beloved.

This is so very important for us today because we quickly turn to so many things to define who we are. We use relationships, careers, personalities, etc... And however true those things may be, they don't constitute the truest essence of who you are. This is because your identity is found in Christ. As He is declared Christ, your identity is found. Remember that He is truth. He is the only one who can reveal to you who you are. And that comes in response to you declaring who He is. And you can only declare who He is when you know Him, spend time with Him, and believe in His love.

May you know Christ.
May you declare who He is.
May He reveal to you who you are.
May your identity be found in Christ more so than ever before.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." ~ Matt. 6:33

Happy Birthday!!!

Today is "Wading through the Waters" one year birthday!

I can't believe it has been a year since I began this blog. A year since I've lived in Kentucky. What has happened this year?

Just a few things:
- coconut attack and ensuing hospitalization/dialysis
- malaria relapse
- ICE STORM
- car broken into (twice)
- lots of vacuuming (my job)
- first year of seminary completed (amazingly)
- new job leading the Emerge ministry here in Lexington
- new home
- hundreds of new friends
- a new appreciation for and use of Skype
- hours upon hours of prayer
- a few road trips
- possibility of eye cancer (still pending)
- a few house-sitting gigs
- my grandmother passed away
- several weddings
- a new nephew
- still single

In conclusion, I'm a changed man.

This blog hasn't been everything that I thought it would be. Still, it has helped me in more ways that I could have initially thought possible. My creativity continues to expand. My connection with many of you is strengthened through it. It serves as a canvas for random thoughts that I need to empty from my mind. It serves as a canvas for random emotions that I need to empty from my heart. It serves as yet one more waste of your precious time.

For all of these reasons, and many more, Happy Birthday, BLOG!!!

May your second year be just as eventful, more productive, and more effective.

Thanks.

the more things change...

...the more they stay the same. Ever heard that phrase? What does it even mean?

When I went home a few weeks ago for my grandmother's funeral, I obviously got to see some of my family and family friends that I haven't seen in several years. It was amazing. Some of them looked exactly the same (insert name: Dennis Heinen). However, others had changed so much that I no longer recognized them.

Most notably were some of my cousins' kids. These are kids that I remember holding as infants and watching them grow. Yet, they are now in middle and high school. It's one of those, "I can't believe this," moments. I didn't think about this too much, as there were obviously other things to occupy my mind. But I have reflected on it somewhat the past few days. The more things change, the more they stay the same? I don't think so.

Each time I return home and have some of those experiences, I believe this phrase less and less. Things change drastically. Life changes. Relationships change. People change. And praise God for that. We are constantly called to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. This inherently necessitates change.

I also thought about how much more shocking the change appears to me, someone who hasn't lived at home for years and who sees some of my family only once, or less, a year as compared to others who live there and see one another much more frequently. To them, the progression seems natural. It is expected. When you see someone regularly, you don't even think about how much the other person has changed because it happens right in front of your eyes on a daily basis. This doesn't mean the change is any less drastic. However, it doesn't appear to be anything but normal.

Granted, the most notable surprises to me were some of the kids and teenagers and how much they have changed. And those differences encompass both their physical form and their personalities.

I also realize that my shock is not only due to how people have grown, but it is also due to how I have changed. My perspective changes and thus I will naturally see people a bit differently than I had before.

How does this work between us and God? Has it been so long since you've seen God that when you meet Him again you are amazed at how different your relationship is than the last time you remembered it? Or do you not even realize how much has changed over the years because it has happened right in front of your eyes on a daily basis?

Do you "live at home" with God and see the natural progression of your faith and the faith of those around you develop through time? Or does it require you "going home" on that special occasion to realize how much time has passed since you last saw or knew Him? While I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now, living in Kentucky and going to seminary, it is hard for me to go home because I realize how much life has taken place during my absence. The nephews and niece are completely different. Family members are so different than what I remember. Yet, to everyone else there who see each other regularly, everything seems normal.

As difficult as that is for me, I know I can live with it and hope that my family can as well. However, I hope that never happens between me and the Lord. Nor between my family and the Lord. Nor between you and the Lord.

How much have I changed? When someone sees me, do they find the same person they last knew a few years ago? Or do they find someone who has matured, grown, and been transformed more and more into Christlikeness?

What about you? How much have you changed?

May you be able to say, "The more things change, the more we look like Jesus."