Wading through the Waters

Surviving the Cold

2011-01-09T16:53:00.002-05:00

Christmas break was a much needed rest for me, sort of. I thoroughly enjoyed being home and seeing all of my family. I was able to see more of my family this year than I have in the past few years. And obviously the highlight was seeing and playing with the nephews and my niece. I already miss them and wish I was back home to play with them more.

I had plenty of school work to continue working on while I was home and of course I once again got pretty ill. It was a rough couple of days, but the Lord really got me through it, as well as some TLC from my wonderful mom and sister.

I have been back in Lexington now for a week and still have not embraced the truth of winter. It is so cold here and the snow just won't stop. I don't know that I've ever desired summer so much.

With the help of a couple of friends, I have now moved into the house where I will be able to stay rent/utility free until the owner sells the home. While I do hope that the house sells for her benefit, there is a selfish side of me that is hoping for at least a few months of being able to stay there and help out the owner. The financial gain for me will be significant as not having rent and utilities will allow me to make some larger dents in my medical bills. I am so appreciative of the offer from the owner to allow me to stay in the house. (If anyone would like to visit, there is a ton of room and I'm in the big 'ole house by my lonesome, so your visit would be very much enjoyed)

I have returned back to work, which has drained a ton from me getting back into that routine with such cold temperatures. We all spent over an hour shoveling snow around the shop on Saturday morning...not fun! I have my J-term class this coming week and then I will work full-time until our spring semester begins. I am very much looking forward to this spring when I will only have one set of classes to be concerned with at a time.

I am trusting and expecting much from the Lord this year. I appreciate all of your prayers and support so much. Although I have several thoughts for future blog posts, I do not have internet at the house, so I am not sure how often I'll be able to post. I have missed posting regularly though and hope that I can find a way to increase my posting this year.

May your 2011 be a year filled with revelation, inspiration, health, compassion and love. And may you learn how to choose life each day that you are given.

Masana

2010-11-29T22:35:00.004-05:00

Please watch the following video. It is an overview of the ministry of my dear dear friend Sarah Olds. She and I worked together at the Wesley Foundation with the Crosstrainers ministry for several years. She has been living in Mozambique for three years now.

Enjoy the video and please keep her and all of the boys in your prayers. If you are interested in knowing more about her, the Masana ministry, or if you are interested in supporting her financially, please contact me and I will connect you with her.

May you daily grow deeper in an experiential knowledge of the Father's Heart.

Free Day

2010-11-13T11:18:00.008-05:00

I know this is only two months late. However, I wanted to share some pics with you showcasing the incredible graciousness and love of my friends. Back in the beginning of September, we wanted to celebrate my "cancer free" news. It also happened to be my birthday. Thus, my friends decided to celebrate "Free's free day" combining my being free of cancer and my birthday. I had no idea the extent they were going to as they set up the party. The party was held on the property of Rose Hill, the place where the seminary president lives. Two of my dear friends, who hosted the party, live right behind the president's house on the property. Just take a look.

Coming up the driveway, these first four pictures show you the signs that were taped to the lamp posts along the driveway.

The next three pictures are just some more of the signs they posted around the yard.

Furthermore, they made a "cancer pinata" so we could figuratively beat the **** out of cancer.

Here are pictures of the extravagant table they set up in a very serene setting for dinner.

A sentimental gift sent all the way from Red Lady in Mozambique.

The Barbee's made an enormous homemade carrot cake, my favorite. I mean, they cooked the carrots, shredded them, made the icing, and did this all with a special recipe that was coconut free so that I could enjoy it. (sigh)

Sharing life with incredible friends means having people to walk through the struggles and battles of life. Furthermore, it means having great friends to celebrate life's victories with who are just as excited about your good news as you are. Nothing compares to the richness of living life in a beautiful, loving and caring community. May you all live life within a community that can share in every moment with you.

Redeemer

2010-11-07T00:11:00.005-04:00

This past week, I had the opportunity to meet a family who is going through their own battle with cancer. The little girl, Emily, is battling leukemia and has the constant support and presence of her mom, Megan. They very quickly became my friends. During the week, even in my very broken, unsettled, and frustrated Spirit, I was able to hear part of their story and share small bits of my story with her (the mom, Megan). I got to tell her a little bit about my friend Jesus and about all of you, my friends who are Jesus for me. Well on Wednesday night, Emily had a really bad scare and Megan was really upset. That night she asked if I'd pray with her, and I told her I would. I really had no words to say, other than to call on Jesus' name and to speak out scriptures that the Spirit laid on my heart. When I was closing the prayer, Megan stopped me and told me that she wanted to know Jesus. So we talked and then she spent some time talking with Jesus. A few moments later, she was called away and I didn't see them again until Friday morning. Megan came in, gave me a really big hug, told me that Emily was doing a ton better and that she was having a great time with her new friend. Being the idiot that I am, I asked, "your new friend?" She said, "Yes. You introduced Him to me as Jesus. Now I call Him Redeemer." I had no words.

I am not even close to understanding why the Lord allowed me to meet and have these conversations with Megan. God is much bigger than needing me to be the only person who could help Megan meet Jesus. However, what I do know is that in the midst of my utter brokenness and weakness, Megan met my Jesus and started calling Him her Redeemer. He never ceases to amaze me. All of your prayers for me over the past year are my source of strength. Because of you I was able to share a small part of my story and now Megan's story becomes intertwined with our Grand story. Please pray for our sister and her little Emily as they continue in their own story with a brand new hope, peace, understanding and love.

You're Welcome

2010-10-17T23:16:00.003-04:00

How many times a week do you say these words?
How many times a week do you mean them?
What exactly do these words mean?

As most of you know, I have recently overcome a short battle with cancer. It was a very interesting time in my life and I have been so blessed and honored with the reactions of my friends and family. After a conversation I had one evening with a very dear friend of mine, I gained a whole new insight and appreciation for the meaning of the words, "you're welcome."

Do you have people in your life that simply own a huge piece of your heart? I'm not just talking about all of your family and friends. I'm specifically referring to those people who you think about daily, pray for unceasingly, and the mention of their names or the thought of getting to see them brings a huge smile to your face and warmth to your heart. Well, I have had the privilege of having many such people in my life. Sometimes these people naturally come into your life because they are your family and other times you have been assigned to a position or group of people that led you to meet them. Every once in a while, you just randomly or organically form a bond with someone and from that moment on, they possess a piece of your heart. Regardless of the method in which you become connected, these people are huge blessings in our lives.

Well for me, Matthew Jones is one of those people. I first met Matthew when I worked as a intern for the Thomasville First UMC youth group in the summer of 2006. He was one of the students there. The next year, after I moved to Thomasville and worked there for a little more than a year, he quickly became one of "those people" in my life and has since been a very dear friend. Not unlike most people who hold a very special place in my heart, Matthew and I have shared many conversations, many fun adventures, lots of tears and prayers, and many hopes for the future. I just love this kid so much and can only hope to still be a part of his life for many years to come.

About two weeks after I had received news that I was cancer free, I finally got the chance to talk with Matthew on the phone. We spent a while catching up and just having a good conversation. As we concluded our talk, I was about to say good-bye when Matthew told me to hold on. He wanted to take a minute and express to me how happy he was that I was now healthy, how concerned he had been since he had found out, and simply to reiterate to me how much he loved me. They were very touching words and more importantly, I could feel his heart through them. When he finished, I took a moment to digest what he had expressed to me and then I told him, "thank you" for sharing that with me. It was a huge blessing and I was very encouraged by his words.

Next, Matthew paused for a few moments and then said (I'm paraphrasing here), "well, I'm not going to say 'you're welcome' Jeffrey because I don't think that is true. If I tell you 'you're welcome,' it would be as if I'm saying that this is my heart and I have chosen to express a piece of it to you. Almost as if to say that it is something of mine and you are welcomed to it. However, it's not mine Jeffrey. That piece of my heart belongs to you. It is yours. So who am I to say that you are welcomed to something that is already yours."

We thought for a moment, and then shared our "I love you man"s and said good-bye. For the next couple of weeks, I could not stop thinking about the end of our conversation. Matthew had expressed to me in words something that I have felt for so many people over the years. Especially for people that the Lord has put me in a place of influence in their lives. Guys I have discipled, children I have gotten to minister to with Crosstrainers, and friends and family that I care so deeply for. However, I don't know that I have ever been able to capture the concept in such a set of words.

In conjunction to this conversation, I am taking an Ethics of Hospitality and Contemporary Challenges course this semester and we had been discussing the ever present concept throughout the narrative of scripture of how God is constantly welcoming His people, having His people welcome in the stranger or sojourner, and having His people be the ones who are welcomed in. (I can provide you with a list of scriptures if you are interested) It is a beautiful picture of how this entire world, this life we live is not ours. We are but a stranger; a sojourner on a journey towards the unhindered eternal presence of God. And along the way we have every opportunity to share all that we have with others and to receive everything that others share with us. For in the sharing, we see the love of God.

However, this sharing is too often a result of choice. It is the result of us making a calculated decision as to who is worthy of my time, or my money, or my energy. Which people are worthy of me sharing my life with them? Who is worthy of a piece of my heart? And after making those decisions, we are left with a very small sample of people to give our all to. Everyone else, all the other "sojourners" that cross our path, get very little from us.

And when we do share with them, they tell us "thank you" and we say, "you're welcome." Is it really ours to give to them? Do we even have the right to say "you're welcome"? Are we not only stewards of and vessels of God's love? And is not God's love fully and unconditionally available for everyone?

I know, it is simply natural and even habitual to say "thank you" and "you're welcome" in daily interactions. And I know we will continue to teach our children to say these words. Still, I believe it is vitally important for you to realize what you are saying and then to consider whether that is what you actually mean. Perhaps there is even a new concept we can teach our children beyond simply saying "you're welcome."

I'm not perfect. I don't love fully or unconditionally. I place values on my time and on which people get which parts of me. For friends like Matthew, I will never hesitate to give all that I am. It is truly my joy to love people who already own a huge piece of my heart. And for people like him, I am so very thankful. Still, I believe God wants me to be able to give of myself in the same manner to all people, knowing that the Holy Spirit is my source of strength and love. I need not be concerned with giving too much of myself or of guarding my heart from others taking advantage of me.

As I now tell Matthew, I thank my God for you every time I think of you. For are we not but a gift from God to one another? May you be filled with the gifts God has surrounded you with and may you live a life free to give of yourself without the need to say "you're welcome." Instead, when people say "thank you," may you be able to respond, "all I am is yours." For as His children, we are all welcomed to everything He has for us.

If you haven't listened before, I encourage you to now go to this post and listen to this song again. Perhaps it will mean a bit more to you. And Matthew, I am so very thankful and love you dearly.

picture of the sun

2010-10-12T21:51:00.003-04:00

If you haven't already, I'd like for you to scroll back up and examine each of the 3 pictures above. NO, seriously, please take just a few seconds.

What are they pictures of?
What emotions do they stir within you, if any at all?
What is the level of connection that you feel to each of them?

Ok, so I know this is heavy on the "cheese" factor, but I hope you can humor me for just a moment. Fall is swinging into full force here in central Kentucky. The trees are starting the change colors, the temperatures are falling, and the normal social activities that accompany autumn can be found all around me. Last week, as I was driving into Wilmore for a campfire/bonfire get together for a friend's birthday, I drove into one of the most amazing sunsets I have laid eyes on here in the bluegrass. It was incredible (sorry I don't have a picture of it to share with you, but no picture would have done it justice).

Anyway, that sunset, along with a couple of conversations I've overheard lately led me to this thought. All three of the pictures above are of the same thing...the sun. So what makes them different? Well, for me it is simply this.

The first picture portrays to me a thing, the sun.
The second picture portrays to me a beautiful thing, a lovely sunset.
The third picture portrays to me a glorious story, two beautiful people riding horses in the sunset after getting engaged to one another.

And now I wonder, what kind of picture is my life portraying to others? When people see me, and in my attempt to portray Jesus (the Son) to them, how do they perceive Him?

- Do they see a picture of a concept only, that Jesus/Christian thing? ...with no hint of the fullness of His beauty nor any personal connection
- Do they see a picture of the beauty and glory of a humble and loving Savior? ...by way of what Jesus is enlightening in and around me, creating a beautiful canvas to replicate a portion of His goodness
- Or do they see a picture of the redemptive story of the grace of Jesus living in my life, bringing me into relationship with Him and with all of creation? ...providing for a connection point between what is seen and the one seeing it?

You see, as Christians, I believe we all portray the Son, for we are promised the everlasting presence of God in our lives once we submit our lives to His grace and sanctification. However, the "son" that we portray to others is left up to their interpretation of what is seen within us.

May your lives reveal not only the idea of Christianity, nor only the "beauty" of Jesus, but also a welcoming and redemptive story of the beauty of Jesus that is an invitation for anyone and everyone to join their story with yours' as we all seek Christlikeness.

Congrats to Kimberly and Donovan on their engagement and thanks for posting the pics on Facebook for me to borrow for this post.

Asbury

2010-10-07T12:03:00.002-04:00

I've been asked for a full description of what seminary is by several people lately. While this video doesn't provide the complete expression of all that the Asbury Community is, it may help to give you a glimpse into the heart of this body and the direction that this seminary is headed. Most people hear the word seminary, and immediately think of a place where people go to become pastors. While this is partly true, it is becoming a smaller and smaller component of all that Asbury is committed to. Not that the seminary is any less devoted to raising up strong and passionate pastors, but that the school is realizing the global perspective of Christianity and the needs that exists in many of the arenas of the church today.

Although I wasn't aware of this, I somehow wound up in this video for a few seconds as well, just for proof to any of you who wondered whether or not I was actually in school up here. The aspect of the video that is really neat to me is that so many of my friends are also captured in this video, as well as pastors and missionaries that I've worked with and met around the world. The Asbury community is quite broad and seems to only be growing more and more every year. The video cannot be embedded within my blog, but you can click on this link to watch it on YouTube.

life update

2010-10-06T23:18:00.002-04:00

For many of you who are not aware of what has been happening in my life this year, I'm going to quickly fill you in. Partly I'm doing this because I'm ridiculous enough to think that some of you would like to know. Mostly, however, I'm doing this so that when I make references in some of my future posts (I promise I have a list of things I want to write about), you will know what I am referring to.

In short, I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma in late February of this year. The doctors can only assume that the trauma my kidneys endured when I contracted malaria back in 2006 plus having been on dialysis in the fall of 2008, after the "Death by Coconut" incident, weakened them enough for the cancer to form. I had not been feeling well for quite a while, and finally the doctors figured out what was going on after a lot of tests. The cancer was only in my right kidney and the prognosis was really, really good, all things considered. I was just barely into stage 2 (out of 4 stages) and luckily for me chemotherapy is not normally part of the treatment for this type of cancer.

After a few more tests, I started cycles of radiation treatments along with several other medicines in early March and eventually had to suspend my studies at Asbury. I also eventually quit both of my jobs, one due to the cancer and the other due to a multitude of reasons. After I made my way down to Georgia for a couple of weddings in June and suffered a few broken ribs from a freak accident with a Jeep and a large iron gate, I resumed treatments back in Lexington and as of Friday, September 3rd, I was declared to be cancer free. The treatments have worked and all looks well for my health.

Partly because I'm still processing a lot of things emotionally and spiritually and partly because there aren't enough words, I can't begin to explain to you all that was involved in this process for me. However, I consciously did not make my illness public knowledge for personal reasons that I believed would help me in my recovery. Looking back, I believe I made the right decision and I'm thankful for the Lord's faithfulness and His healing touch. Even though most of you had no idea what was happening in my life, I know that many of you were still praying for me as the Lord laid me on your hearts and I thank my God for you.

As I wrote above, there is just too much for me to try and explain everything in this one post. Thus, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or ask me in person. I'll be happy to share more or attempt to answer your questions. Most importantly, please just know that I am healthy once more, which is almost a foreign feeling for me in light of the past few years of my life. I am trying to make up my courses from the Spring semester in which I was graciously given incompletes until I had the strength and ability to focus on school work again. Thus, I am essentially taking 6 classes right now and frantically trying to maintain the integrity with which I do my work while also being realistic about my time constraints. I count the privilege of seminary to be such an honor and am determined to allow the Spirit to orchestrate as much formation within my heart as possible as I progress through this journey. I am not in Kentucky to simply get a Masters degree. I'm here to be shaped, formed, and molded and I do not want to pass that by. I now have two new jobs and the Lord is slowly taking care of my medical bills as He is graciously providing for all of my needs.

Again, I thank you for your prayers. I thank you for reading my meager thoughts. And as soon as I complete some of these assignments and return to some form of normalcy in my life, I will begin to blog about many of the topics that have been added to my list and have been ruminating in my heart lately.

He is faithful (regardless of my health).
He is loving (regardless of my emotions).
He is kind (regardless of my insecurities).
He is true (regardless of my doubts).

May you know Him to be all of these and more.

i am

2010-10-01T19:07:00.002-04:00

A new song I heard recently from some of my more favorite artists, Brian and Jenn Johnson. I don't know that I'm in a place where I can passionately sing this song with the highest integrity right now. There are parts of me that are a bit too raw. But I am really encouraged by listening to it and I hope your heart is encouraged as well. Simple Truth can be profound and shift your very soul. May the shifting begin.

blessed

2010-09-09T23:10:00.002-04:00

This pretty much describes my evening. I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. More details and more posts to come soon, I promise.

Exciting New Voice

2010-07-20T19:36:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite narratives in the Bible is found in 1 Samuel 3. I can not imagine how Samuel must have felt through this entire encounter. Maybe it would be best if you take a moment and go read that chapter. While you do, try to imagine the emotions Samuel would have felt. (frustration, excitement, fear, wonder, etc...) And remember, you are reading about maybe a 12 year old boy. This isn't the adult prophet Samuel that we encounter in later scriptures. This is a young boy serving in the temple. (you can catch up on Samuel's history by reading the first two chapter if you are so motivated) So, go read it....

I know how excited I get to hear a familiar voice whether it be a friend's on the phone or my nephew's when I visit home. Likewise, I get pretty motivated when I try to listen to the Lord as well. It is so different, but there is a beautiful grace in waiting on the Spirit and hearing by faith. I know what the journey has been for me in trying to discern the Lord's voice throughout my life. What if you had an experience like Samuel? What if when you heard your name you responded with, "speak Lord, your servant is listening"? And what if that voice then responded? Would you be scared, excited, or would your emotions be dependent on the message you received?

I don't have some great insight into any of this. However, I love reading this story and thinking about all that was going on in Israel (no one had heard God's voice for many years), in Eli's life (his troublesome sons and his care for this boy Samuel), or especially in Samuel's life. I encourage you to read through the story several times and really allow the Holy Spirit to stir your imagination to hear the sounds, see the images, and feel the emotions of this event. As you re-live this small moment in history, may you encounter a new voice. And when you hear it, may you respond with "Speak Lord, your child is listening."

Freedom Museum

2010-07-13T13:57:00.006-04:00

Back in the beginning of the semester, I was privileged to take a trip to Cincinnati with several other seminary students and staff to visit the Freedom Museum, specifically presenting a history of the Underground Railroad.

A view of the Ohio river from inside the museum.

The entire experience was overwhelming and encouraging at the same time. Experiencing the horrors and injustice of slavery as well as the bravery and grace of the fight against it alongside a community of brothers and sisters, all of whom are being broken over the current state of human trafficking in our world, was truly transformational.

This is the opening painting and exhibit within the museum.

One of the most gripping experiences for me personally was the realization that the largest slave castle from which men, women and children were loaded onto ships was the very one that I visited in 2006 when I was in Ghana. The name of the castle is Elmina and is pictured below from a few photographs I took when I was there. Remembering the weight of my heart when I prayed over the remains of that castle in Ghana and the injustices carried out there while I was standing inside the Freedom museum in Cincinnati was a horrific convergence of two very real worlds and two very real experiences. Each experience truly elevating the reality of the other.

Furthermore, there was a special exhibit on display when we were at the museum chronicling the history of lynching within the United States. Now remember, this covered the history of lynching throughout the whole of the United States, not only the lynching of slaves in the South. In response to that exhibit, I recorded the following thoughts in my journal that evening:

In reading the captions and seeing all of the pictures of victims who had been lynched around America, I was reminded of how often the persons being lynched had been accused of certain crimes or injustices. I found myself quick to have sympathy for them and the injustice that was being done to them to kill them in such a tortuous manner. However, I also found myself wondering how many of them, regardless of race or location, were actually guilty of the crime they had been accused of. At that moment, I was shocked at the reality that I was even thinking about this. For if I knew that they were actually guilty, I would have in some way felt a lesser degree of sympathy for them? Why did I feel like that? I’m not sure. The reality remained that they had been inhumanely tortured and killed. Should their degree or state of innocence or guilt effect the degree of compassion I feel for them? Should I fight against the injustice done on someone or on a group of people differently if I consider how guilty or even how worthy they are? Christ surely did not allow the guilt of my sin stop His outpouring of love and compassion to save me. I began thinking through all of these emotions and thoughts and was essentially reminded that there is no room for me to attempt to judge someone’s innocence or degree of worthiness when fighting against the injustice being done to them. If they are worthy of Christ’s blood, they are more than worthy of my compassion, prayers, energy and love. Even though it can be easy to be broken over the injustice of a helpless child caught in sex trafficking, I should just as quickly be broken over the injustice of a _________ (fill in the blank) being the subject of another form of human trafficking.

Here are a few pictures I took at the exhibit. (you can click on the pictures to enlarge them if you can't read the writing.)

The next to last cause is "Insult to White Persons"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" ~ Edmund Burke

May the redemption that came through the hands and hearts of those who fought against the injustices of our past encourage us and move us to move against the injustices in our world today. There are more humans enslaved in the world today than at any other time in human history. May we have grace to know, grace to be appalled, and grace to do something from a place of love.

a secluded extrovert

2010-07-10T12:39:00.002-04:00

Ever had one of those moments? One of those moments when you really need Jesus yet you hold yourself back from His presence until you get "cleaned up" or "fixed"?

I spent the last couple of years of high school, all of college and the first two years after college becoming more outgoing and trying to be more extroverted. I honestly felt as if I was becoming more and more of who God made me to be. To this day, I still feel as if that is true. However, in the past few years I have watched myself begin moving in the opposite direction. Perhaps returning to some of my more introverted behaviors and isolating tendencies. Why?

I don't know. I think most of this has to do with living so far from family and my closest friends. Being in a new place and trying to develop a strong community while longing for "the way things were." How silly is that? I have the incredible opportunity to attend Asbury full-time and be a part of this grace-filled community while the Lord is trying to prepare me and mold me. And still I find myself feeling alone. It is so strange. And it's simply not what is true.

Lately, I have been going through several different things which have involved varying degrees of difficulty. At times, I find myself sharing certain struggles with certain people and other struggles with different people. Almost as if I'm deciding who would be best to encourage me and walk with me through various segments of my journey. (as a side, it is moments like these when a single person is tempted to believe that having a spouse would help to solve the majority of these issues) At others times, I just put my head down and push through portions by myself, as if it would require too much energy for me to have someone come with me. Why?

For me, I know that I am not looking for the answer to that question. Is that strange? I'm not looking because I am convinced there isn't just one simple answer. The complications of our lives and the dynamics of our relationships dictate how each of us would deal with our own journeys. I am, however, actively asking that question because in the asking I am being reminded of foundational truths.

You know one of the greatest lessons to be learned from Jesus' life on this planet, in my opinion, is what He taught us through passages such as Matthew 11:28-30. We only need to come to Him. We don't need to "get right" with God or clean ourselves up in order to approach Him. Does a wounded and dirty child hesitate to run into their father's arms when they need him? No, their instincts and experiences tell them it is within their Father's arms that they will be cleaned and find comfort. Still, how often do we hesitate to be with Jesus? There are moments in my life when I have felt compelled to go to Him in the midst of complete brokenness. There are other times when I have allowed _________ (church, society, religion, pride, ignorance, others' perceptions, etc...) to delay my going to Him. Yet, that is completely opposite of what He requires and wants for us.

While I continue to figure that out, I believe some of the same issues are at play in my having become a secluded extrovert. Part of me still feels as if that outgoing side of me is who I truly am. Yet, for whatever reason, I have bought into this concept of getting aspects of my life in order before I can reasonably and justly expect others to be there for me.

I recently posted a video of a Phil Wickham song on this blog called Safe in His Arms. However, sometimes it is really hard to trust in that if we don't know what His arms look like. Perhaps I haven't been running blindly into Jesus' arms because I haven't known where the best place is to find them (friends, family, prayer closet, worship service, etc...) But I do know that I can always trust His heart. That will never fail me. And instead of trying to figure out this part of my journey, I need to just present me, exactly as the broken mess I am, to all people all the time and find the answers as I go.

I'm sure none of that made any sense. So I apologize for unloading the confusion of my thoughts on you. But I will leave you with this song, which doesn't provide an "answer" or even really "touch me" per se, but it has helped to facilitate a lot of my thoughts lately. Thus, I can only hope it helps to express what I've attempted to share with you.

May you not hide from any part of your journey nor any one who is there to go with you.

four become two

2010-06-28T18:36:00.004-04:00

In the beginning of June, I was able to attend two weddings in consecutive weekends. Thus, I got to witness two becoming one, twice. It was a great trip and I was able to go home in between the two which was a huge blessing. Here are a few pics from the weddings.

Mr. and Mrs. Sean and Casey Nestor (literally taken about 5 min. after they were married)!

and I got to hang out with Sean and Chris again at the same time.

I was so honored to be asked to be in his wedding.

weddings are always a great place to catch up with old friends

Mr. and Mrs. Andrew and Lori Randall!

and I got to catch up with Alyssa finally :)

Asbury Family

2010-06-01T21:46:00.009-04:00

Seminary life can be difficult. There's no better way to say that. But below are some pics of my Asbury family over the past two years. Family that I've cried with, prayed with, laughed with, and grown with. The key word being "with." A true community if I've ever had one. Some have now moved on, we've welcomed new kids, and for those of us still here we anticipate at least one more year together.

I love my Asbury Family!!!

My first year roommate Isaac. He's now married and lives back in North Dakota.

Me and L.T. I got to celebrate his first Thanksgiving with him.

The beautiful Bella

Proud Papa

L.T.'s Dedication

L.T.

A halloween outing. The group went as "gang green"

Safe

2010-05-18T19:26:00.006-04:00

Sometimes the truth is hard to know, isn't it? Simple things that are fundamental truths which at times don't feel even close to the truth. And in those moments, when the truth is spoken, it can almost seem cheesy.

For reasons that some of you know about, and for some reasons that some of you have no idea about, this song is a truth that I am trying to claim right now. It is scriptural and real. I'm still trying to understand exactly what "his arms" look like and feel like. So hear this truth. The second video is a short clip from the artist explaining the story behind the song.

May you believe and be blessed.

Zoe

2010-05-15T21:54:00.002-04:00

Several people have asked about my trip to Brazil over spring break. I went to visit a friend and made many more. I incidentally came across this video today that gives a little bit of an intro into the ministry and the people that I met and stayed with while I was there.

Blessings continue

2010-04-21T18:09:00.002-04:00

If you have known me for a while, then you have heard me talk about CrossTrainers. This is the inner-city discipleship ministry that I had the privilege of working with while I was in Athens.

Well, for the first time since the ministry began, I was not able to attend their retreat this year. You may remember that I went back to help with it the past two years and blogged about last year's experience here: Welcom Home.

Still, I have tried to keep in touch with those who are still a part of and in charge of the ministry. Even though they asked and I wasn't able to be there this year, I enjoyed praying for them all and I was forwarded the following message. It is from the coach(mentor) of one of the children in the program. I remember him so vividly and the story of how he and his family came to live in Athens after Hurricane Katrina. Even though I am no longer a part of this ministry, reading messages like these encourage me so greatly. I hope you are blessed by it as well:

Hey Caren(the current director of CrossTrainers),
I just thought I would tell you a quick story. On the retreat this weekend, my CrossTrainer, Patrick, really opened up. He told me that he loves the mentoring program and since entering it a few years ago has begun to ask God yes or no questions. When he does, he hears a voice that answers. He has tried to reproduce the exact sound, but can’t. It’s God’s voice speaking to him. I truly believe that its because of people like you who do such amazing work to bring these kids to the Lord, and pray that you will be blessed by God each and every one of your days because of the amazing job that you have done and all that you give up to help others find Christ.

Thank You for influencing my life, his life, and so many other lives!

-the coach

I'm sorry

2010-03-28T19:54:00.005-04:00

Just wanted to share a video with you. Be warned, their is some strong language in it. I hope it makes you think. And I hope it makes you think about you, not someone else.

Holy Spirit, come in your power and gently convict. Holy Spirit, come in your love and open our eyes to the beauty of people loving people.

A Postmodern Easter?

2010-03-22T07:36:00.002-04:00

If you have spent much time with college students or young adults, you are probably very aware of the influence that postmodernism has on our generation. Experience becomes a significant factor in determining truth for postmoderns. I encounter it on a daily basis and am learning how it provides opportunities to share the truth of the gospel. When I think about this in light of Easter, I am reminded of a powerful truth concerning the risen Christ.

As some of you may remember, I lost my grandmother this past August. She was so dear to me. For the past twelve years or so, I’ve repeatedly told my parents that I hoped my future wife would have the privilege of meeting my grandmother and that my grandmother could know my future wife. As I spoke at her funeral, I shared this desire with everyone there and was saddened by the reality that this would never happen. Whenever I do meet my wife, I’ll have the privilege and challenge of trying to describe to her who my grandmother was and why she meant so much to me. I can share stories, show her pictures, and answer any questions that she may have. However, my wife will never have the chance to know or experience my grandmother firsthand.

So what does this have to do with Easter? As this generation matures, they are seeking after experience and truth they can know for certain. Therefore, the beauty of Easter is that they can know Christ, for He is risen and alive. I’ll never have to attempt to describe Jesus or share stories of his life to a new friend without that friend having the opportunity to meet Christ for his or herself. Isn’t that wonderful? Even if postmodernism completely controls the worldview of young adults, Easter provides them the opportunity to experience Christ for themselves. Their relationship with Christ will not be completely dependent on how effectively I explain Jesus to them. They have the same ability to know Him that you and I do. The cross provides freedom and life for us anew everyday. Easter is a glorious celebration of this life that we share as the body of Christ.

On this Easter, may we all celebrate the glorious truth that Christ is alive and that He desires to be known by us.

I apologize for being absent for the past couple of months. I hope to get back to posting on a more regular basis after Easter. This is an article I had to write for church, therefore I thought I'd share it with you as well. I hope you are all well. Thanks for reading.

Class meets community

2010-02-09T15:59:00.004-05:00

I've been waiting to post this for a week or so until I got the pictures. However, as classes start today with a bunch of snow/ice/slush outside with more on the way, it seems to be an appropriate time to share about my January term class.

I took a course titled "Cross Cultural Discipleship" and I am certain that it will go down as my favorite and most formational class at seminary. Dr. Jay Moon, an adjunct professor, taught the course and he is simply excellent. He and his family lived in northern Ghana for 10 years, which gave me plenty to talk about with him as I could relate to and understand many of his stories and the people and places he would speak about.

Even though this class focused on and was titled "cross cultural" discipleship, it really is just a wonderful overall discipleship course. Regardless of where I wind up in ministry, I will use aspects of what I learned in this course continuously. The class was rather small, only twelve of us, with a great mix of cultures represented. The picture below shows most of us, but not all, as we engaged in discussion one day in class.

Our class met for two weeks, 8am-1pm. The second Monday of the class fell on MLK day, so we had the day off and I suggested we all go eat lunch together at one of my favorite places, a West African restaurant in downtown Lexington called Sav's Grill. For some folks, like myself, Dr. Moon, and one of the students and his family who were from Uganda, the food was a great reminder of their local cuisine. For everyone else, it was a new experience thoroughly enjoyed by all.

In this picture, a Korean, a Ugandan, and a Chinese child all eat together at the restaurant. Just three of the cultures represented in our class.

Our final day of class consisted of all of us presenting our final projects and concluded as we all went to one of the student's homes to eat lunch together and celebrate the end of our class. I have never experienced so much community in a class before and in such a short period of time. The pic below is of some of us left at Gray's house after lunch. Some people had already left.

This had definitely been the highlight of my time back in Kentucky since Christmas break. I am now asking God to both continue bringing forth fruit from this class and give me renewed hope and focus so that each of my classes this semester can be just as transformational and impactful. As difficult as it can be at times, graduate work here at Asbury Seminary truly is a huge blessing.

cloudy month?

2010-02-08T00:18:00.002-05:00

Since I've returned to Kentucky from Christmas break, there has been only one day of sunshine here around Wilmore and Lexington. That day was last Monday, and the shock of the sunlight was stunning as it reflected off the blanket of white snow that still covered the ground. I'm sure sales for sunglasses surged on Monday.

However, every other day has either been overcast, raining, or snowing. I have always heard of seasonal depression for people who live somewhere like Alaska and don't get sunlight for extended periods of time. Or perhaps in Seattle where it is always raining and overcast.

Ladies and gentlemen, seasonal depression has set in. Now, I'm not trying to be overly-dramatic or ridiculous, yet it is true. After talking to several friends and folks who have themselves suffered from it I am convinced that I'm dealing with it on a small level.

I realize that many of you are struggling with very difficult situations and that many around the world are still recovering from devastating tragedies. And for each of them, and for each of you who I know is struggling with something, I'm praying.

But I need the sun! I really do. I would pay money to step outside and sweat. And for all of you out there who know that I am just a cold-natured person, it's not just that. Living in a house with the thermostat on 65 to help with the electric bill, snow and/or below freezing temperatures outside constantly, and a perpetual lack of sunlight is stealing away a great deal of my joy, my motivation, and my peace.

So Father, may you send me the sun. May you send me relief from this struggle and restore the joy of my salvation. And Holy Spirit, may you continue to bring peace and restore the beauty of your creation in every friend and family member of mine who is struggling. Bring forth your Kingdom in Haiti as your children try to find hope. Bring freedom to the millions around the world caught in human slavery (trafficking). As you send the sun to me, send a greater revelation of your Son to the world.

excuse me, sir.

2010-01-31T21:43:00.002-05:00

If you weren't aware, one of my part-time jobs is working as a janitor at a private school here in Lexington which is run out of a church. I often am working late at night and am often the only person in the building.

On Thursday night, I was working late and was just walking down the hall listening to my ipod. As I came around a corner in the hallway, I was suddenly facing three police officers, one of which had a gun drawn and pointed at me. Needless to say, a gun pointed at your face by a huge police officer is not what I was expecting to see when I turned the corner.

Apparently the cops were doing their patrol and noticed a vehicle at the church late at night. As they drove up to check it out, they were suspicious of a vehicle with a Georgia license plate and noticed that one of the doors to the building was unlocked. I always have to lock myself in the building. However, someone earlier in the day must have left another door unlocked when they left.

After they ran a check on me, my vehicle, and called both my boss and a few other people at the church, I was "cleared" to be in the building. I appreciate the cops doing their job and protecting the community. But really? Three huge cops, standing in the hall of a church, and a gun drawn on me? I didn't realize I was that imposing of a figure. However, I wasn't arrested nor was I shot, so it all just makes for another interesting story.

Unfortunately, one of the classrooms in the school caught on fire Friday afternoon. Not too much damage, but so much cleaning to do. I think I still smell like smoke and ash. (that'll teach them to pull a gun on me in the middle of the night...)

I continue to be thankful for the jobs that God has provided for me. But man, this one sure is crazy and creates a lot of weird and strange stories to share.

Winter strikes

2010-01-11T19:24:00.003-05:00

These are just some pics I took last Thursday. It has been snowing off and on since Thursday, so this isn't the extent of the storm. But I had to finally get out of the house (even though I HATE cold weather) and snapped a few photos. Most of these are from the park down the street from my house.

What does not fit in this picture? (GA tag with that much snow...)

The neighbors were sledding down the hill.

This is a picture I took while driving down to GA on Saturday, Dec. 19th. Part of I-75 had just been reopened after the storm, in time for me to get home. And yes, I got sprayed by the snow plow :)

Human Trafficking

2010-01-11T15:40:00.002-05:00

Jan. 11, 2010 is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day.
Please get informed.
MILLIONS of people are depending on it.
learn more at National Human Trafficking Awareness Day

Whether you realize it or not, there are victims all around you.

May freedom be established in our world.

and we're back...

2010-01-10T19:23:00.002-05:00

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Elizabeth. My sister celebrates her ___th birthday today (I don't know if she cares, but I don't want to get in trouble). I love you!!!

Ok, so it has been right at a month since my last post. I'll simply say, there's been a lot going on. I will not try to update you on everything that has happened, but here are a few highlights. I hope to be back to regular posting soon.

-First of all I completed my third full semester at seminary. I'm not quite half way yet, but I'll go ahead and state that it is going by fairly quickly. Finals weeks was incredibly intense, but everything was completed and now my Jan.-term class begins in the morning.
-I drove through our first real snow of the winter and headed to Georgia for one of the longest stretches of time that I've been in the state for a while.
-I made it to Thomasville to see so many friendly faces. I got to meet Floyd and Jessica's newest and most adorable addition. She is beautiful.
-I got to catch up with and see so many friends. I only lived there for a total of 17 months, but the place sort of feels like home.
-I unfortunately was there to attend the funeral of a great man. Dr. John Taylor died on a trip with his wife and his funeral was the Monday I was in town. I continue to pray for Raynor and Ethan and Tori, as well as all of his friends and family. He was a great man. For those of you who've ever heard me called or have yourself called me the "young shepherd," that nickname is compliments of Dr. Taylor.
-I made it back to Savannah to see my family for over a week. This was the longest consecutive amount of time I've been home in quite a few years. It was so great to see them all and celebrate Christmas with them. It was just some much needed rest and fellowship. My nephews and my niece are getting so big. I love to see them and play with them. I miss them dearly. (but thanks to my parents' new computer cam, I got to talk to them on skype Friday night :)
-As he had come home to surprise his family, I was able to stop and see Chris Black on my way back to Lexington. I can't believe it had been that long since I had last seen him. I was also able to catch up with Sarah Olds while she was back in the states. They are back to their "homes" now. But it was so great to see them and get a physical hug.
-I made it back to Lexington in time for the arctic blast and snow that continues to fall outside right now. I hope it stops soon. It is soooo cold here.
-I also had to come back to another tragedy. A friend was killed in a car wreck on New Year's Day. His family was home in California. I picked them up at the airport, but he had already past away. I've lost some incredible people throughout my life and it never gets easier. But to pass a message along to a mother and father from their son whom they'll never get to see again was possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. They are back in California now and are continuing to grieve. I'm still trying to catch my breath.

On a positive note, I was asked to be a groomsman in Sean's wedding in June. I am so honored and humbled by his request. I still don't know why he wants me in it. However, that means I'll be back in north GA the first week in June. (oh how I long for June weather in GA.)

Grant me a few more words. I'd like to sum up the past month in this way.

Life is so hard. As we struggle through it we often lose focus of the big picture and what is most important to us. But over a break like this, even through dealing with the two funerals, I am so blessed to be challenged to regain focus.
I love my family so much. I miss them terribly. I love my friends more than I can express. They give me life!

May you all have a great week ahead. May you continue to find focus on the "big" picture. May you allow yourselves to be loved. I love you dearly.

Happy New Year.

looking back?

2009-12-10T17:36:00.003-05:00

December 10, 2009 = Lucas is 1

It's amazing how quickly that happened. Still, today is Lucas' birthday. I still have a photo on my phone of the first day I ever met him. He was around two weeks old. That picture looks so much different from this:

Today, when I called my sister to tell her Happy Birthday for Lucas, she was quick to inform me that he was now facing forwards. (In my mind..."what is she talking about?") Apparently at year 1, children's car seats can be turned around from rear facing to forward facing. She started laughing and said, "yep, now he can see where we're going instead of only seeing where we've been."

We talked for a few more minutes, and then I had to go. However, the dork in me had been alerted. My mind wrapped around that sentence and I began to ponder it's relevance to life. Not only Lucas' life, but each of our lives as well.

How often do you find your mind consumed with your life that is behind you? Regardless of if it is 2 feet or 2 miles behind you. You are still mad at that person. You are trying to understand where that year went. You are reminiscing with high school or college friends about the "good ole' days." (I can remember so many stories that my grandmother would tell about her childhood and young adulthood. It will be sad to not hear any of those stories again this Christmas.)

Now, I will be the first person to argue the value and significance of remembering and contemplating the past. However, that is not what I am talking about here. I'm talking about being so caught up in the mundane and petty circumstances which trap your gaze and turn your attention to life gone by.

How often do you turn around and consciously look forward to where you are headed? I believe this is one great weakness in our culture. Our ability to envision the future, to dream, to imagine the fullness of what the Lord will take us into is gravely missing. You may have "plans for the future" and even be actively moving toward those goals. Still, I would wager that your gaze is more often than not set on the life you've lived and not on the life that awaits you.

As we celebrate Christmas with friends and family, I challenge you to turn 1! Let your seat be rotated so that you can see where you're going instead of where you've been. Christmas is a celebration of the story of Christ's arrival. Moreover, it is a celebration of the story that is yet to come as He continues to reign over His Kingdom.

May you remember your past. May you remind yourselves of the story of your life and the even larger story to which you belong. Yet, may you set your gaze forward. May you see and believe for the life that lies ahead. May you see the beauty of Him who is leading you onward.

twitter saves my phone

2009-12-07T20:27:00.003-05:00

If you don't know what Twitter is, it is simply another social networking website. Someone can update their Twitter page with a "tweet" and all of the people who follow them on Twitter (just like your "friends" on facebook) can see the update. Feel free to check it out for yourself.

My friend Alan Meincke convinced me to get on Twitter a while back and I have enjoyed it for the most part. However, after the events of last Thursday, I really appreciate being on Twitter.

In a way that I have yet to figure out, my phone fell out of my pocket while I was in chapel at Asbury. Within moments of leaving chapel I realized I didn't have my phone. After an unsuccessful return in search of it, I assumed that my phone was long gone. For the rest of the afternoon, I began wondering how much it would cost to buy a new phone and how difficult it was going to be to retrieve numbers that I had stored in my contact list.

However, right before I finished my last class of the day, I received an email informing me that my phone was in the student center and I should come by to pick it up. Beyond being relieved, I began wondering not only how it found its way to the student center, but also how they had identified the phone as mine.

So this is how the phone was traced back to me. Upon being turned in at the student center, the lady working the desk began scrolling through the contacts in my phone to see if she recognized any of the names. She apparently recognized the names of several other seminary students in my phone and called their phones in the hope that they would be able to identify whose phone had called theirs. After four unsuccessful attempts, the lady saw the "twitter" contact in my phone. (one feature of Twitter is that you can 'text' an update from your phone and it uploads to your profile) Therefore, Jessica, the lady working the desk, sent a tweet to my profile stating "your phone is at the student center. please come get it :)"

After uploading the tweet, she logged into her Twitter account. Because she is a friend who follows me on Twitter, she saw that my profile had been updated with the status "your phone is at the student center. please come get it :)". Now realizing my profile had been updated from the tweet she sent using the "lost" phone, she emailed me to let me know that she had my phone.

On one hand, this seems like a crazy way to go about identifying the owner of a phone. At the same time, it is yet another function of Twitter which makes me happy that Alan convinced me to get on it. I'm sure that the creators of Twitter never imagined this social networking site would be used to locate lost cell phones. But alas, it has.

So to Alan, I say: Thank you!
To Jessica, I say: Thank you!
And to Twitter, I say: Thank you!

Phone crisis averted. Peace retained. Communication still in operating order.

Christian Thanksgiving, part 2

2009-11-19T00:02:00.004-05:00

One other aspect of thanksgiving that is relevant for Christians is the way in which it affects our heart. Now, when I write "thanksgiving," I'm referring to the act of giving thanks, and not solely the holiday.

In the Colossians and 1 Thessalonians passages I referenced in the previous post, we are encouraged to give thanks in all things and in every circumstance. This seems like a simple enough concept. Still, I pose the question: Why? Why should we, as the children of God, always give thanks?

I believe one reason is because of the humility it helps to develop within us. If I am daily thanking God for _________ , then I am less likely to develop a sense of entitlement for ________ . Whether that is my health, my home, family, friends, financial provision, ministry, food, conversations, books, art, music, etc....

So often in life, especially in this American culture we live in, we all too quickly establish a sense of entitlement to most things we enjoy in our lives. Unless we have had to work really really hard for them, we grow numb to the reality that they are all a gift from God.

Yet, a result of giving thanks is that we are reminded nothing we have in our lives is a right. It is all a blessing. Had I been born in another country at another time in history, my life would look a lot different. So much of what I enjoy in life today, check that: All of what I enjoy in my life today is an expression of the goodness, the graciousness, and the generosity of God.

May we give thanks in all things, being reminded that we are not entitled to anything on this earth. And in so doing, may we grow in humility. May your act of thanksgiving the next few days be an act of worship. And may it saturate every area and every day of your life.

On a personal note, I ask for your prayers. A very dear friend of mine lost his brother yesterday. There was a fatal incident and Michael was killed. Sean, who was in Brazil at the time, is preparing to fly home to be with his family. They have gone through so much in their lives. My first response is that I want to suffer so that Sean doesn't have to. Yet as I know that is not possible, I try to remember that Christ's suffering on the cross allows Him to truly intercede on Sean's behalf and carry some of this pain. So would you pray for Sean, his mother and sister and all of his family as they begin trying to grieve through this together?

Sean, I love you so much.
May the Holy Spirit breathe Peace on you.
May the Prince of Peace wrap you in comfort.
May the God of all comfort hold you close.
May Love surround and protect you and your family.

Christian Thanksgiving

2009-11-16T15:04:00.002-05:00

As Thanksgiving approaches, we all remind ourselves of the things that we are thankful for and focus on the many blessings in our lives. It’s a season to be thankful for family, friends, health, homes, and employment. Even when life seems really difficult, the possibility always exists to be thankful for something.

Specifically as Christians, we are called to be thankful. In passages such as Colossians 3:15 where Paul is writing to the church about being holy he succinctly states, “And be thankful.” Likewise, in his first letter to the Thessalonians Paul commends his readers to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thes. 5:18). Thus, we normally hear a good Thanksgiving sermon around this time of the year encouraging us as Christians to especially be thankful for all that the Lord has done for us.

However, as Christians, we are not limited to being thankful for what the Lord has done in our lives. By conquering death on the cross, Jesus has made a way for us to be thankful for what the Lord will do in our lives. This is a blessing which separates Christians from the rest of the world. We are able to praise the Lord for the Kingdom that not only has already come, but also the fullness of it which we know is coming. The writer of Hebrews puts it this way: “Therefore, since we are receiving a Kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe” (Hebrews 12:28).

So this year, I am thanking God not only for the countless ways He’s blessed us, cared for us, revealed His love to us and forgiven us, but I am also thanking Him for the Kingdom that is still coming and His reign over it. I am thanking Him both for His incredible provision in my life and the blessing of family and friends as well as the many relationships I have yet to form which will be instrumental in my life. I am thankful for the freedom He has given me and for the freedom that awaits to be released on this earth. I am thankful for the promises that I’m still believing Him to fulfill as His Kingdom comes to the world.

Will you join me this Thanksgiving in praising our Father for all that is and for all that is to come? May you be blessed and filled with His peace on this, the day that He has made.

exhale.

2009-11-13T03:56:00.002-05:00

As of yesterday afternoon, it's official. I do not have eye cancer.

Now I exhale.

Throughout the waiting period, I have been rather convinced that this was not going to be cancer. Yet, when the doctor asked me last week if someone would be coming with me to get the results this week, just in case the news was bad, I think I stopped breathing. That just made it all so very real. And I feel like I have been holding my breath for a week. I am once again breathing :)

Regardless of the news I would have gotten, my Holy Father was going to take care of me. So the "answered prayer" is not that I don't have cancer. The answered prayer is that He continues to be faithful and reveals Himself as such. He never left me and He has now displayed His care for me one more time. Of course I'm happy that I don't have cancer. But I simply can't attempt to qualify His goodness by the results of my medical exam. He is so much bigger than that.

So much else has happened this week (perhaps some of which I will get to blog about soon...) I just wanted to take this moment and share this update with you, especially those of you who have repeatedly asked how I was doing.

I love to share stories of His goodness towards us, His children. May you find a way to share your stories as well. He is worthy to be praised.

Fall in Central Kentucky

2009-11-07T13:51:00.006-05:00

Heart-breaking news...

2009-11-02T17:39:00.003-05:00

...the Chronicles of the Thunderbird have concluded. Her heater went out one last time and finally, we must say good-bye. We've had a great 9 year run. So many memories! So many miles! She's just beginning to outspend her allowance :( And I can't handle that any longer.

While I hate to bail on her, she truly has treated me well. I must move on to a more dependable vehicle. Being a seminary student, I obviously can't afford a new vehicle or payments of any great measure.

However, the Lord has once again made a way. I'd like you to meet ___________?

(any ideas for its name? I'm taking suggestions. The winner may get a prize.)

It's a '97 Jeep Grand Cherokee in excellent condition with very few miles. It is a blessing coming through the generosity of my sister and brother-in-law. They came to randomly find it for a great deal and have humbly decided to pass it along to me for an equally great deal. It'll drink a lot more fuel than the ole T-bird, but I can't complain. Need arose...Need met!

I can only hope for 9 equally great years with ___________(?) The T-bird will always be remembered and adored. Oh how I will miss those comfortable seats!

I will get the Jeep whenever I can next return home. My life with an SUV is about to begin. We'll see how it goes.

update...

2009-11-02T16:14:00.002-05:00

I came to seminary to begin further understanding how to do ministry and work towards helping bring the Kingdom to earth. I want to know how to teach people more effectively. I want to know how to best create community. I want to know how to be aware of needs and meet them in an unconditionally loving way. I want to know how to inspire passion, to embrace conviction, to communicate simply, and to do all that He wants me to do.

And this is what I'm learning...how to be! It all comes down to being. Not doing. Not creating. I'm so far from it, but it all comes to BEING. I'm not trying to learn how to love, but how to BE love. I'm not trying to learn how to inspire, I want to BE inspirational. I'm not trying to learn how to teach, I want to BE the gospel. I'm learning that it's about BEING. I want to be.

On a sidebar, I have my optical scan this Wednesday. That means I should find out whether or not I have cancer in the next week or so. Also, I found out today that my knee injury is just a severe sprain. Nothing is torn or broken. Two weeks with an immobilized leg combined with plenty of Aleve and I should be fine.

In summary, I'm believing that in a few weeks, I'll BE completely healthy, whole, and worry free about my health. And more than that, I hope to have gotten a little further in "BEING."

May you not know. May you simply BE.

biopsy

2009-10-14T17:54:00.003-04:00

Optical biopsy's (or whatever the technical term is) are painful and weird. I had mine today. After "paralyzing" one eye so that it wouldn't move during the biopsy, I can only see out of one of my eyes. I should have complete vision back by tomorrow morning (hopefully before class).

Still praying it is not cancer. But regardless, I can't go through a day like today without thanking the Lord for the gift of vision. What a beautiful world! May you see all that He has placed around you, the beauty and the pain, and be moved by both into an appropriate response.

Fighting the battle

2009-10-12T14:12:00.002-04:00

The past month, we have been focusing on the Kingdom during our gatherings at Emerge. I have been talking to them all about what it means to be a part of a Kingdom, what our inheritance is, what our purpose is, etc... Last week, we looked at what it means to fight for the Kingdom.

In the gospel, we read that the Kingdom is forcefully advancing (Matt. 11:12). These words inspire the images of a fierce battle in which the boundaries of the Kingdom are expanded. Yet, we know that the Kingdom coming is not a kingdom of this world. The Kingdom Christians long for is the reign and rule of Jesus. Still, as inhabitants of His Kingdom, we have a responsibility to fight for its advancement.

We can find many references in scripture to battle and how we are to play a role in it. What I suggested to the students at Emerge is that the battle we fight most often comes back to a battle in our minds. For the kingdom to advance in me, more and more of my heart, soul, and mind has to be subjected to the Truth of Jesus. Therefore, acquiring the mind of Christ is one of the primary goals for each of us as we help usher in the Kingdom.

Paul writes about "taking every thought captive" in his letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 10:3-5). In order to do this, truth has to be dwelling within me. Without the presence of truth in my life, I am unable to identify the lies of the enemy and subsequently cannot take them captive. Once I can identify the lies, I seek the truth of scripture and of the heart of Jesus (He is the Living Word) and replace the lies with truth. Thus, this entire process of taking thoughts captive is what I am suggesting to be one of the foremost avenues through which we fight in His Kingdom.

This may not look like Mel Gibson covered in paint and blood, riding a horse around a field stirring up his fellow countrymen to fight for freedom (Braveheart reference), yet it is the process through which the real boundaries of freedom are expanded in our lives. And when more of my heart and mind are subjected to the King, more of the kingdom is established within me. Likewise, the more thoughts you take captive, the more the kingdom is established within you. And as you and I interact, both having more of the kingdom inside of us, more of the Kingdom in manifested in our interaction.

Let me give you an example. Throughout the past couple of weeks, I've been waiting to find out whether or not I have eye cancer. If you've read my previous post, you know that I am still unsure as to whether or not I have cancer. While waiting to know the result, my biggest fear has not been whether or not I have cancer. My largest fear has been the thought of having to fight through it by myself here in Kentucky.

I have great friends here (really, I do). I am loving my church more and more. Still, my closest friends and family are all a far ways off. Combined with my experience of being in the hospital last fall by myself, I became very anxious and concerned about how I would emotionally be able to handle all of this. Even when I would allow myself to think that friends here would care for me or some of you would come visit me, I would discount those thoughts by thinking "they would, but it would be so much of a burden on them. They have enough going on in their lives right now. I can't expect them to do that. If only I were married, etc..." If I were to tell you this to your face, most of you would respond with something like, "but you are not alone Jeffrey. We are here. We may not be close to you physically, but we are still here to go through this with you. We will pray for you and if need be, we can even come to visit you." I would be encouraged by your words. Still, I would be fearful and anxious.

Yet, when I allowed the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to the lies I was believing about being alone, not feeling significant, etc..., I quickly and humbly began letting Him replace those thoughts with truth. Truth that I am loved, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, that He is my provider and my healer, that He is my comforter and restorer, etc... And taking these thoughts captive made a huge difference in my mind, my heart, my anxiety level, and my fear. It also helped me to turn back to seeking His kingdom first and not being so focused on myself. Therefore, the Kingdom advanced.

None of the truths I mentioned above were new revelations for me. Still, I had allowed myself to listen to and start believing some lies; lies which began destroying, or at least hindering the Kingdom within me.

God is greater than the lies we face. Jesus' compassion is greater than any fear we can live in. The Holy Spirit has more power to speak truth than the enemy has to convince us of lies. We simply have to receive it. 1 Peter 4:7 says, "Therefore, be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray."

May each of you fight the battle of taking captive the thoughts and the lies of the enemy in your minds. May the truth of Jesus, and Jesus Himself, fill those places previously occupied with lies. May the Kingdom forcefully advance within you. And may the Kingdom be manifested in greater ways as we interact with one another.

i need your faith

2009-10-08T13:39:00.002-04:00

Throughout scripture, faith is tied with healing. Jesus told the woman with the bleeding condition, after she had reached out to touch his robe, that her faith had healed her. Time and time again faith is a component of being healed. While I don't pretend to have a firm understanding on how the Lord heals, I know from scripture that faith plays a role.

Also noteworthy, however, is the fact that healing isn't always contingent upon one's own faith. Scripture, while maintaining the relationship between faith and healing, also gives reference to faith healing other people.

The centurion had faith that led to the healing of his servant. The father's faith led to the healing of his daughter. Friends' faith, as they lowered down the man through the roof, led to his healing. And most notably, Lazarus was risen from the dead not because of his own faith (he was dead!), but by the faith of his friends and family.

I believe. The Lord has proven himself faithful to me more times that I could hope to remember. Yet, I admit that I am weak and sometimes worry. I know He is good. And by that I am sustained.

Yesterday I returned to the doctor to find out about my eye. After several tests and a lot of nerves, the results came. And the verdict.....inconclusive. That's much better than what I could have heard, yet it is still not, "no cancer." There are more tests to come (some blood work, an optical scan, and if need be, some type of micro-biopsy). I have eye drops to use daily ($109 for a bottle that insurance wouldn't pay for).

I am really ok. And I am still believing that this will all become nothing and I will find out that I do not have cancer. But until that day comes, I need your faith. I need your prayers and your petitions raised to the Lord on my behalf. I ask for this in confidence of His love for us and in humility before you. I am honored and blessed by your prayers.

May you grow in your faith in the Lord as He proves Himself faithful to you. May your faith sustain you and those you love, as others' faith helps to sustain you. ~with Love.

breathing

2009-09-27T23:35:00.002-04:00

In case any of you were wondering, I am still alive. Life is really good but really busy these days, thus there have been no posts recently. I just wanted to take a minute to give you a quick update of what is going on with me.

I am living in my new place now, and have been for almost a month. I will try to post pics soon. I still need to get everything put up on the walls, etc... It is going really well. It is a nice place in a great location. I absolutely LOVE the fact that I once again have a place to hang my hammock and have spent a lot of time laying in it while reading for school.

My parents, both of my sisters, and my two nephews and one niece came to visit me over Labor Day weekend. They were gracious enough to bring my furniture up to me and we did a little birthday dinner to celebrate mine and my mom's birthday. It was so great to see them up here and to be able to show them a small part of what my life looks like these days. My oldest nephew, Evan, was disappointed that he didn't get to see any snow in " 'tucky" as he calls it.

School has started and is going well. I really like all of my professors and classes. There is so much to read, but I am sure that I'll find a way to get through it all. Between cleaning and working with Emerge, I'm averaging right at 40 hours a week with work. So between the two jobs and school, I'm not currently looking for a new hobby.

I have been blessed recently by the Lord. I feel like His Kingdom is advancing so much in my mind and in my heart. Chapel services at the seminary have been incredible. My personal time with Him and just our daily interaction has been so life-giving to me. I have had some great conversations with new people and am excited about the rest of this year.

I was able to visit the weddings of two friends recently and was incredibly blessed at both of them. Although I'm still waiting for the day when I'll get married, it's an honor to watch people whom I love so dearly celebrate their weddings.

Everything with Emerge is going well. I would love to see greater numbers and more consistency in attendance with the group, yet I am blessed at the Lord's faithfulness in the ways I have been able to watch Him work in peoples' lives. I continue to sit in prayer for the ministry, seeking His vision and discernment, and I appreciate your prayers for this as well.

I must be honest and say that I am a little anxious and nervous to go back to the doctor next month and find out what is going on with my eye. I still am rather confident that everything will be fine, but the closer it gets the more I think about it. Again, I appreciate your prayers over this.

And finally, I am just seeking more and more intentionality and quality time in every aspect of my life. Whether I am blessed with a random conversation, am enjoying a scheduled discipleship meeting, reading for one of my classes, being blessed with an incredible phone/skype conversation as I catch up with one of my friends, am sitting in chapel, or am praying through the burdens and concerns on my heart for many of you, the Lord is giving me grace to be intentional and fully present in most of those interactions. (I mean, how else could I lay in my hammock on a beautiful day and read for 5 hours without falling asleep?) So now, I am enjoying what He has for me as I simultaneously seek for more, and am hoping that I find a good rhythm for all of this in order that I get more than a few hours of sleep daily.

May you all find grace and meaning in each moment of your day. And for the many struggles you are facing in your own lives and in the lives of those you love and care about, find comfort in the promise that He never leaves us. Even if all you want is an answer, try to receive the peace of His presence. Hopefully more, and more substantive, posts will be coming soon. Be blessed!

Who am I?

2009-09-04T02:50:00.002-04:00

In Matthew 16, Jesus has a discussion with His disciples that is full of insight and truth for us today. He asks them who people say that he is. After hearing several responses from Peter, He then asks Peter specifically, "Who do you say that I am?"

Peter answers that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus then comments on Peter's answer and follows that comment by telling Peter that he is the rock on which He will build His church.

So, what's the big deal? I believe it is incredibly important to pay attention to the role of the characters in this story and the ordering of the events. First of all, Peter has to answer the question, "Who do you say that I am?"

How can Peter answer such a question? He can do so because he has spent time with Jesus, worked with Him, watched Him perform miracles, listened to His teachings, etc... And out of that experience and the discernment given to him through the Holy Spirit, Peter answers "the Son of God."

Then, after Peter has made his own confession and declaration of who Christ is, Jesus tells Peter who he(Peter) is. After Peter has come to realize who Jesus is, then Jesus is able to reveal Peter's true identity to him. And what an identity Peter has.

So, who are you? How would you answer this question to yourself, "Who am I?"

Well, before you can answer that, and get the total truth, you must first realize and declare who Jesus is. Once you have come to that realization, Jesus will tell you who you are. That you are a child of God, a co-heir with Christ to the throne. That you are His beloved.

This is so very important for us today because we quickly turn to so many things to define who we are. We use relationships, careers, personalities, etc... And however true those things may be, they don't constitute the truest essence of who you are. This is because your identity is found in Christ. As He is declared Christ, your identity is found. Remember that He is truth. He is the only one who can reveal to you who you are. And that comes in response to you declaring who He is. And you can only declare who He is when you know Him, spend time with Him, and believe in His love.

May you know Christ.
May you declare who He is.
May He reveal to you who you are.
May your identity be found in Christ more so than ever before.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." ~ Matt. 6:33

Happy Birthday!!!

2009-08-31T20:48:00.002-04:00

Today is "Wading through the Waters" one year birthday!

I can't believe it has been a year since I began this blog. A year since I've lived in Kentucky. What has happened this year?

Just a few things:
- coconut attack and ensuing hospitalization/dialysis
- malaria relapse
- ICE STORM
- car broken into (twice)
- lots of vacuuming (my job)
- first year of seminary completed (amazingly)
- new job leading the Emerge ministry here in Lexington
- new home
- hundreds of new friends
- a new appreciation for and use of Skype
- hours upon hours of prayer
- a few road trips
- possibility of eye cancer (still pending)
- a few house-sitting gigs
- my grandmother passed away
- several weddings
- a new nephew
- still single

In conclusion, I'm a changed man.

This blog hasn't been everything that I thought it would be. Still, it has helped me in more ways that I could have initially thought possible. My creativity continues to expand. My connection with many of you is strengthened through it. It serves as a canvas for random thoughts that I need to empty from my mind. It serves as a canvas for random emotions that I need to empty from my heart. It serves as yet one more waste of your precious time.

For all of these reasons, and many more, Happy Birthday, BLOG!!!

May your second year be just as eventful, more productive, and more effective.

Thanks.

the more things change...

2009-08-27T15:07:00.002-04:00

...the more they stay the same. Ever heard that phrase? What does it even mean?

When I went home a few weeks ago for my grandmother's funeral, I obviously got to see some of my family and family friends that I haven't seen in several years. It was amazing. Some of them looked exactly the same (insert name: Dennis Heinen). However, others had changed so much that I no longer recognized them.

Most notably were some of my cousins' kids. These are kids that I remember holding as infants and watching them grow. Yet, they are now in middle and high school. It's one of those, "I can't believe this," moments. I didn't think about this too much, as there were obviously other things to occupy my mind. But I have reflected on it somewhat the past few days. The more things change, the more they stay the same? I don't think so.

Each time I return home and have some of those experiences, I believe this phrase less and less. Things change drastically. Life changes. Relationships change. People change. And praise God for that. We are constantly called to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. This inherently necessitates change.

I also thought about how much more shocking the change appears to me, someone who hasn't lived at home for years and who sees some of my family only once, or less, a year as compared to others who live there and see one another much more frequently. To them, the progression seems natural. It is expected. When you see someone regularly, you don't even think about how much the other person has changed because it happens right in front of your eyes on a daily basis. This doesn't mean the change is any less drastic. However, it doesn't appear to be anything but normal.

Granted, the most notable surprises to me were some of the kids and teenagers and how much they have changed. And those differences encompass both their physical form and their personalities.

I also realize that my shock is not only due to how people have grown, but it is also due to how I have changed. My perspective changes and thus I will naturally see people a bit differently than I had before.

How does this work between us and God? Has it been so long since you've seen God that when you meet Him again you are amazed at how different your relationship is than the last time you remembered it? Or do you not even realize how much has changed over the years because it has happened right in front of your eyes on a daily basis?

Do you "live at home" with God and see the natural progression of your faith and the faith of those around you develop through time? Or does it require you "going home" on that special occasion to realize how much time has passed since you last saw or knew Him? While I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now, living in Kentucky and going to seminary, it is hard for me to go home because I realize how much life has taken place during my absence. The nephews and niece are completely different. Family members are so different than what I remember. Yet, to everyone else there who see each other regularly, everything seems normal.

As difficult as that is for me, I know I can live with it and hope that my family can as well. However, I hope that never happens between me and the Lord. Nor between my family and the Lord. Nor between you and the Lord.

How much have I changed? When someone sees me, do they find the same person they last knew a few years ago? Or do they find someone who has matured, grown, and been transformed more and more into Christlikeness?

What about you? How much have you changed?

May you be able to say, "The more things change, the more we look like Jesus."

yes i have

2009-08-24T20:41:00.002-04:00

I started this blog almost a year ago to help express myself: to be a canvas on which I could share my thoughts, figure out my feelings, update friends and family about my life, and just empty some things out of my heart and mind.

However, I'm not the most creative or expressive person in the world. And sometimes in life, there just aren't words. Thus, I won't attempt to express myself now. I will allow this song to do it for me. Even it's not perfect, but it comes close. My life right now seems to be found somewhere in the middle of this song, somewhere between the wanting and the finding.

May you want as well. There's much to be received.

Farewell

2009-08-13T23:33:00.003-04:00

As some of you already know, my grandmother passed away last weekend. I flew home this week for her funeral and just returned to Kentucky tonight. I was asked to speak at her funeral, and for whatever reason, I just feel like sharing with you some of what I shared at her funeral. This will be a long post, so I will not include everything. But for what it's worth, here are some thoughts that have gotten me through this week:

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at home sewing a button back onto a pair of my pants. As I sat there, I thought about Mamal and started laughing. I could hear her telling me, “Jeffrey, you’re going to make someone a good wife one day.” She always picked on me about how Mama had taught not only Shae and Elizabeth, but also me the basics of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and even how to sew on buttons. I think the first time I ever heard her say that, I was a little offended. But I quickly began to realize how it was actually an incredible compliment.

On Saturday night, I finally sat down and stopped for a few moments. After getting the phone call that morning that Mamal had passed, I had worked all day, tried to make arrangements to fly home and have everything lined up while I was gone. And then a friend called to see how I was doing and she asked me, “what is your greatest memory of your grandmother?” Well, that sent my mind racing through a thousand memories. My first thought was about her cornbread and how no one could ever make it like hers. I thought about standing in her kitchen in Garden city where she would walk up to us with a butter knife in her hand and flip it around at the last minute as she poked it as us to scare us while she made that distinguishable little popping sound with her mouth.

I thought about sitting outside under the carport shucking corn with her or shelling butter beans. I thought about listening to her stories of the times she had gone fishing with her friends and brothers. I think one of my favorite stories that I heard her share multiple times was how when she was younger, and Uncle Fred was still a baby, and she was given the responsibility to watch him. But she wanted to go play with Uncle Henry and Uncle Pee Wee so she would pinch Uncle Fred, make him cry, and then take him back to her mom and tell her that she couldn’t make him stop crying. Then she got to go hang out with the “older kids.” I still can’t imagine her doing that.

I thought about how she would cringe if you got anywhere close to her feet and about her sitting in her chair with one leg propped over the arm rest. I remembered her sitting at the table on a Sunday afternoon to play Scrabble. I thought about the oil lamp in her living room that we would always get in trouble for touching or the old glider swing that was always in her back yard.

I have been very blessed in my life to have known my grandparents. But more than just knowing her, I got to spend several hours with her on a daily basis during a very impressionable time in my life. Middle and High school are very interesting years and I could never have guessed how influential the time was that I got to spend with her. Everyday after school, Elizabeth and I would go over and hang out with her for a little while. And when Elizabeth started working after school and when she had started college, it was just me and Mamal. I honestly believe that it was those afternoons spent together that I learned the value of a quality conversation with someone, regardless of how much talking was being done. I would eat my snack, she would listen, not watch, just listen to “As the World Turns” as she finished a crossword puzzle, and we would have a great time. She would make me laugh, share her stories with me, and ask me questions about how I was doing. It was almost always about me. That seemed so natural for her. To be focused on other people.

One of my favorite quotes says, “Every adult needs a child to teach, for that is the way in which adults learn.” As that’s true, Mamal must have been one of the most intelligent and wisest people on the planet. How many kids has she loved on in her life? Last night Lucas woke up crying and since I was sleeping closer to where he was, I got up to get him. As I sat in the rocking chair trying to put him back to sleep, I thought to myself, “I wonder how many times Mamal has done this?” I simply couldn’t begin to guess.

After I had moved away for college, Mama told me on the phone one day that Mamal was moving. I remember being upset, b/c I knew that meant she wouldn’t be there when I came home to visit. And I believe it was at that moment that I realized that Mamal was much more than my grandmother, she was my friend. The next summer I was more than excited to drive myself to Blackshear to visit her for the weekend. I’ll always remember that visit, the great time we had together, and how I got some more cornbread.

There is one thing about Mamal that really sticks out to me. I’m sure that everyone in this room knows how much she loved the Lord. I remember how amazed I was as a kid when she told me that she had read all the way through the Bible, multiple times. I had never heard of anyone who had done that before. Still, the greatest quality about Mamal being a Christian was that she never had to say it. She simply lived it. To be a Christian, is somewhat simple terms, means to be a representation of the character of God to the world. That’s what Mamal did. To her brothers, her kids, her grandkids, every child she kept at daycare, all of her friends, and most definitely to me she was an example of the character of God here on this earth.

We are reminded in 1 Peter 2 that we are not citizens of this earth, but we are citizens of His kingdom. We are only sojourners, or travelers on this earth. This earth isn’t our home. It is just what we walk through, obediently, humbly, and selflessly, knowing that the fullness of His kingdom is still to come. We are only passing through. Knowing what I know now, I can look back on at least the part of her life for which I was around and say that Mamal lived her life knowing that she didn’t have to worry about life here, because she was simply on her way home. I’m sure that she never thought when she was younger that she would spend the last 31 years of her life walking home without Papa, yet she faithfully kept walking and she is now home. And because of that, I have comfort today.

My comfort isn’t because I believe she is reunited with Papa. My comfort is in the reality that she is in heaven. And heaven, simply put, is the full, unhindered, all encompassing presence of God. She is hanging out with the creator of the universe. She is overwhelmed by the beauty, the splendor, and the majesty of God and the fullness of His peace; that peace which passes all understanding. The one who created her, who saved her, who loved her, and who finally got her home, is now the one she gets to look upon for all of eternity, with absolutely nothing getting in her way.

In the gospel of John, we read about Jesus being the bridegroom and John simply being the friend of the bridegroom. And then John says, in verse 29, after having heard Jesus speak, “the friend of the bridegroom rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore, this joy of mine in now complete.” Mamal can now stand in the full presence of the bridegroom, Jesus Christ, hear his voice more clearly than she could have ever imagined, and have true and complete joy.

What a blessing. To spend 88 years walking home. Along the way, helping everyone you pass and loving your family so selflessly and unconditionally, to finally stand before Jesus Christ in awe of his beauty and love and to truly have complete joy.

I want to share one final thought. To the question that my friend asked me on Saturday night about what was my greatest memory of Mamal, my answer was simply, “her.” My greatest memory of Mamal is simply who she was. Her personality, her smile, her humor, and her heart.

A few years ago, I was sitting with a small group of people when the question was raised, “if you could have dinner with anyone who is already gone whom you never got to meet, who would it be?” Without hesitation, I knew my answer. It was Papa. I spent all of my life hearing about the “Bossman” and wondering what it would have been like to know him in person. Yet, I’ll never have that opportunity. I’ll only have the stories, pictures and the legacy that he left behind.

For the past ten years or so, I’ve regularly told my parents that the one thing I hoped for was that one day, whoever she was and whenever I’d meet her, I really wanted my wife to be able to meet Mamal. And I wanted Mamal to be able to meet her. I wanted her to have the priviledge of knowing one of my favorite people in the world. And now, that will never happen. But one thing I can promise. Whenever I do meet her, she will hear so much about Mamal that if she is ever asked the question of who is the one person she would choose to have dinner with that she never got to meet, her answer will be Mamal.

With all of you here today, I say good-bye to Mamal. I say farewell to the Bosslady. And in her honor and per her example, may we all continue our walk home, as travelers here on the earth, loving and helping everyone we find along the way, until one day we see His beauty and find complete joy in hearing the voice of the bridegroom.

I love you Mamal. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

13th wheel

2009-08-02T00:44:00.004-04:00

Moving from Athens, a town full of people my age, to Thomasville, a town full of no one my age, to Wilmore, a town full of people my age who are all married, has been an interesting adjustment. While I have met some great people here, one of the coolest people and a guy who I can relate to the most is someone I met at our New Student Orientation last fall. He's a great guy from Indy who shares a lot of the same experiences and passions that I do. And as with most people here, he's married to an incredible girl.

On Friday night, Jeremy and Jessica had some friends over for a little party/get-together/send-off before they left town for the coming month. As I got off work and started to think about heading over to their place, I really began to realize that the chances were pretty great that I'd be the only single person around. Now I have to admit that of all my friends who are married, I believe I can honestly say that Jeremy and Jessica create the most welcoming and comfortable environment in which I don't feel like the obvious "single guy."

Still, we all know how the "3rd wheel" syndrome works. Reality is that it is sometimes awkward for a single person when hanging out with several other couples. So I began to consider not showing up and just sending them a message before they left.

Within a few moments of considering bailing out, I immediately heard myself telling friends and guys that I've discipled in the past that life is ultimately a matter of perspective. And choosing to have a positive perspective which isn't completely self-centered is possible, even though it at times can be difficult. So I decided to trust in my own advice and believe that hanging out with Jeremy and Jessica and some other equally great people wouldn't be awkward enough to prevent me from going.

I am so glad that I did!

The night was not only a great time of fellowship, conversations, an intensely hilarious game, and meeting new people, but it was also a wonderful time for me to feel alive again here in Wilmore. We (meaning myself and 5 other couples) were all able to pray over Jeremy and Jessica before they leave to return to Uganda. The night was such a blessing to them and I believe it was a blessing to everyone who was there. But I was especially blessed by my friendship with them and the life-giving experience of the night. It was just one of those nights when, as I walked home, I thought to myself, "Jesus, it's so good to be alive and surrounded by your children."

I continue to hope for the day when I can go to these events with my wife, but until that day comes, I will try to choose interaction over isolation and not give in to the fear of the "3rd wheel" syndrome. May you all find life in those around you, regardless of their stage of life. And may you all have the grace to walk in a Godly perspective everyday instead of a self-centered, prideful one.

P.S. Going to a wedding tonight with a total of 5 single guys didn't help the cause. Still, God is faithful.

P.S.S. Father, I ask that the prayers lifted up over Jeremy and Jessica last night continue to be the prayers of my heart and that you protect them, provide for them, and reveal your Kingdom to them in deeper ways daily. I thank you for Jessica and Jeremy and look forward many more raquetball games with Zerkle.

stain = anger?

2009-07-30T22:00:00.003-04:00

On Monday night, we had a great cookout at Emerge before we went back to the church for a great time of worship together and said good-bye to a couple who are moving to Tallahassee to begin grad school at FSU. I had been in town all day and was randomly wearing a white Polo style shirt. At the cookout, one guy made a comment about how impressed he was that I had worn a white shirt all day long, eaten three meals, and had no stains on it. He declared there was no way he'd have been able to do that.

A few moments later, another guy came up to me with a smirk on his face and asked, "Jeffrey, how good of friends are we?" I replied, "well, I guess as good of friends as two people can be after having only known each other for 2 months."

He laughed, patted me on the chest and walked off. Immediately I noticed several people looking at me in disbelief, more specifically looking at my shirt. As a prank in good-hearted fun, after the comment had been made about me having not gotten any stains throughout the day, he had put BBQ sauce on his hand and had gotten it on my shirt. I just started laughing. Quickly a few people started reaching for towels and one girl even pulled out a Tide pen. I was just still laughing.

Throughout this whole incident, I noticed two things. Everyone seemed more upset than I did and they almost seemed surprised that I was not pissed off. Secondly, my shirt is ruined.

First of all, I wasn't mad because in reality, it's just a shirt people. I mean really. The whole incident created a lot of discussion and interaction. It will be a funny and interesting story for quite a while, and it's just a shirt. So no, I wasn't angry at all. In reality, it takes a lot to really make me angry. But why did everyone have this expectation that I would be so furious over a shirt?

It has really made me think the past few days about what really matters to us. I won't pretend to know the statistics, but how many people have died today full of hate, pain, guilt, shame, and sin without knowing how much they are loved and cared for? Why does something of this level of eternal significance not create stronger emotions in me than a little stain on a piece of cloth? I mean, seriously. How do I have my life oriented if I'm more upset about a stain than the welfare of the souls and the relationships that people have in God's Kingdom?

Secondly, I've really thought a lot about the stain. How easy it was to put on my shirt and how difficult is (or maybe how impossible it will be) to get it out. I often find myself treating life as if my problems, worries, and hurts are deep stains which can never be removed and dealt with. As if I will have to walk around for the rest of my life with a dirty shirt on. The reality is, if I will simply take the shirt off, the Lord is waiting to give me a new one. It is so easy for him to remove my sins and (more importantly) the effects of those sins in my life. Yet I choose to walk around with the dirty shirt on. Why?

I'm not trying to be "super-spiritual" here or make every little thing in life an analogy to ministry. But seriously, what is life really about for me? And according to what my answer to that question is, how should that affect how I live and react to all that I experience on a daily basis?

It's all about the Kingdom. It's all about me knowing God, others knowing God, and each of us knowing one another. And this "knowing," as is used in Paul's letter to the Philippians, is an intimate knowledge. As we all laughed, or at least as I laughed about my newly decorated shirt, we prepared for a great time of worship. Below is a picture of some of the peeps who were there for worship. It's so great to "know" God with them.
The Kingdom: Emerge style

May you all continue to know Christ and to have your lives oriented in a way that will create appropriate responses to everyday experiences. May you allow God to remove your stains and clothe you anew. Grace and Peace to you all.

Beauty of Creation

2009-07-27T23:45:00.005-04:00

Back on the weekend of July 4th, I had two days off. Two of my only days off all summer. So on Friday, July 3rd, I went hiking with Jesse, one of the college students in Emerge who is quickly becoming a good friend. The weather was perfect. Around 78-80 degrees, sunny, nice breeze, and clear skies. (not quite the average July day I'm used to, but there are no complaints here) We only hiked for around 3 or 4 hours, but it was great. Just Jesse and I, our Nalgene's, and the Red River Gorge. I've posted some of the photos I took below.

In addition to the view, I thoroughly enjoyed simply being outside; something I have not had the opportunity to do much of this summer. Jesse and I had some great conversation, took a few "adventurous detours," (and I didn't get injured for all of you who doubt my ability to stay safe) ate some great pizza, and were simply able to enjoy life. I look forward to future opportunities to explore Red River Gorge and possibly take some of the Emerge peeps on a camping trip in the fall.

Can you imagine living down there?

It's hard to tell, but the next two pics were taken when we climbed down in the crevice you see in the above picture.

Jesse

This was a fun climb

Praise Him for all that He has made. I've missed the water, the beach, and the south all summer long. Spending the day hiking with all of these views made me remember and think back to my summer working at Camp Rockmont and taking all of the boys camping up on the mountain. Still, this was truly a great day.

I'm weird

2009-07-16T20:36:00.002-04:00

No seriously. I am a rather unusual person. At least in terms of my medical history. Just read through some of my previous post if you think I'm exaggerating.

On Monday, I had to go for an eye exam so that I could order more contacts and get new lenses for my glasses. While completing the exam, the doctor spent a long while looking into my right eye. She dilated it more than normal to allow her to get a better view inside of my eye. (this "extra dilation" will be the source of a future post...be excited!)

After several minutes of thorough investigation, she began asking questions and a few red flags began to rise in my mind. Essentially she had spotted a place in my right eye that worried her. She has decided to wait and have me return in 3 months to follow-up and she appears certain that it is nothing for me to worry about. Therefore I am not worried. After getting the results of my follow-up exam; however, I will find out whether or not I have what initially concerned her...Eye cancer.

Say what? That's right. Eye Cancer.

Again, after asking her many questions, I am very confident that I do not have "eye cancer" and that there is simply something WEIRD going on in my eye. My vision has not been affected and there is no Coconut in my eye. But seriously folks...don't you just want to laugh? I mean I do. And I have.

I in no way want to laugh at cancer and the destruction and turmoil it has caused and continues to create in millions of peoples' lives. But of course, if I were going to get cancer, it would be eye cancer. Not something "normal" or a type of cancer that you have thought about before. No. I have to be weird. I would be the unusual case of the guy with eye cancer.

I mean seriously. The "mass," malaria, allergic to coconut, hernia, bad knees, expert on crutches, experienced dialysis patient, exposed to TB...
I'm sure most of you don't even know what all of those refer to. Yet, that's part of my medical history. And possibly one more.

As I am sure He is doing for me, May the Lord continue to care for and heal your every disease. And may you continue to trust Him, ask Him, and believe Him for healing. I mean, He takes care of weird-O's like me!

Where you live

2009-07-08T21:41:00.002-04:00

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...." How often have you heard this passage quoted? It is a great promise of the Lord and is often quoted to be an encouragement for fellow believers to have hope and trust in the will of God.

I wonder how many people know the context of this passage and its implication for its original audience. Throughout the many times I have heard this verse (Jer. 29:11) quoted and referenced as an encouragement, it always seems to carry the connotation of waiting on the Lord. And the concept of waiting often inadvertently carries the notion of inaction or causeless living.

When Jeremiah wrote this letter to the Jews who were living in exile in Babylon, he was implying a very different reality. On the one hand, this letter was to encourage them to continue believing in the promises of God, that He would deliver them out of exile and bring them back to Israel. Jeremiah wanted to remind the exilic Jews who they were and that God was still in control. And his encouragement comes in these most famous words. (Jeremiah 29:10-14)

However, before he encourages them with these words, Jeremiah gives the Jews instructions on how to live as exiles in Babylon. He tells them to live! To build homes, marry, reproduce, grow crops, etc. (Jer. 29:4-6) Next, he tells them something which at first glance may seem somewhat unexpected.

"Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." (Jer. 29:7)

The Jews are not to just wait, apathetically. Yes, the Lord will faithfully bring them out of exile. But until He does so, they are to seek the welfare and prosperity of Babylon. Their waiting is not to be an inactive waiting.

So, why am I sharing this? Seminary is a great place. There is so much brokenness, transformation, growing, learning, questioning, and kingdom building that takes place here. Quite often, though, I have heard people suggest that seminary can just be a time of "waiting" and allowing the Lord to prepare us for the places to which He will take us. (note: I am by no means attempting to equate seminary with Babylon) However, I believe there is more that He would ask of us. We are called to seek the welfare and peace of the places where we live.

Like myself, some of you are in seasons of your life which are somewhat temporary. You aren't living in the same city that you will be living in five years down the road. You aren't working at the job from which you will retire. You aren't living with the friends and family that you will grow old with. Yet, you are called to live!

During the three, four, or five years that I will be here in Kentucky, the Lord asks of me to trust Him. To believe that He has a plan and purpose for my life. A plan for prosperity and not of harm. A plan for family, community, friends, and the advancement of the Kingdom. He asks that I believe that He will hear me when I pray and that when I seek Him I will find Him.

But He also asks that I seek the peace and welfare of Wilmore. The peace and prosperity of Lexington. And with the gifts and talents that I have humbly been given, that will partly be played out in this great new opportunity I have to serve as the Director of Young Adult Ministries at Trinity Hill. I am so excited about Emerge. And there are so many ways in which I will be able to seek the peace and prosperity of this city by seeing these men and women walking in the truth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

What about you? Where will you be living in a few years? What job are you supposed to take? Who are you supposed to marry? (maybe that's a question only I'm still trying to answer) Don't fear. The Lord has great plans for your future...but in the meantime, LIVE where you are. Be used by Him now. Fight for the Kingdom to come in the community where you are. I'm convinced that as we seek for the welfare of the places the Lord has us, the promises He has for our futures will begin to unfold before us.

Regardless of how "settled" or "unsettled" you are in life, May you seek the peace and prosperity where you are! Pray for the community in which you live. Watch the Lord work in and through you. And as you remember the promises of the Lord, such as this famous one found in Jeremiah 29, also remember the calling of the Lord that accompanies it. His promise to you is not only for you. It is for all His people.

True Worship

2009-06-27T19:20:00.002-04:00

Majesty in the sanctuary must become mercy in the streets or our worship is fraudulent.
~J.D. Walt

Worship vs. Worship experience

2009-06-23T20:00:00.003-04:00

I love worship.

Both individual and corporate.

A solid chunk of time spent with a community of believers expressing adoration, thanksgiving, humility, and honor to God is a really powerful time. Most Christians can probably recall a specific situation or type of environment of worship in which they were "most able to connect with God." Remembering that worship is not about us at all and that it is all about God is very important. Still, certain people are best able to express their heart to God in particular ways. Whether it be through song, through dance, through painting, etc...

Granted, we are not called to specific styles or times of worship. Rather, we are called to a lifestyle of worship. However, the reality is that most of us, while able to engage in adoration of God regardless of "style," have specific tendencies and preferences of ways we worship. (While realizing the ongoing conversation/discussion over "styles of worship" and the ridiculous problems that it can create, this post is not about that at all.)

A wonderful friend of mine is a great worship leader. I could listen to him worship the Lord for hours and it would be so natural for me to join into worship with him. Regardless of which instrument he is playing, I just love his heart and desire to worship. Over the past few years, we have both been placed in new situations in which there has been a decrease of or lack of corporate worship from what we have previously known.

I recently was talking with my friend about this. His words were simple, "I really miss corporate worship." Now, he is more than able to sit down with his guitar or the piano and connect with the Lord at any given moment. He is also able to worship with friends, although their worship is in another language. And his sentiment is, "I miss the experience of a community of Christ-lovers, speaking my own language, with whom I can join in a time of adoration of our God." I can relate to that sentiment on many levels, as I'm sure you can also.

A few days after having this conversation, I was listening to a CD with some worship songs my friend had recorded a few years ago. Some of the songs were ones he had written himself. As I listened to him sing his heart to the Lord, I began to realize something. At the moment when he was recording those songs, he was fully engaged in worship. As I listened to the CD, my heart began to engage in worship. Yet, both of those moments were not worship. They were worship experiences. Worship is a present oriented reality. Both of those times spent were now only an experience of worship. This explains how my friend can be so gifted to lead worship, record worship songs, and even spend personal time in worship himself, and yet still have feelings of, "I miss worship." This explains how at the same time I can listen to my a recording of my friend worshipping and simultaneously have a conversation with him in which he "misses" worship.

Worship is about now. It is about connecting with God. And regardless of style or past experiences of worship, we were created for a lifestyle of worship right now. Worship experiences are great. Lives can be transformed. Hearts can be renewed. Souls can be refreshed. Callings can be discerned. And yet, if we are not currently worshipping, we find ourselves lacking. We find ourselves wanting more times of worship.

I pray that you are surrounded by a community of believers whom you can join in adoration to God. I pray that as you worship the Lord, that the Holy Spirit would inhabit your praises. I pray that in the areas in which you "miss worship," that the Lord would provide you new outlets to worship Him. May you constantly create worship experiences as you live a life of worship before your Father in Heaven. And may you never be satisfied with the experiences of worship from your past.

Irony

2009-06-20T14:22:00.002-04:00

This has been a very full week for me. In addition to my 40 hours at the library, I have enjoyed quite a few "extras" this week.

First of all, I was blessed beyond belief by several friends. (see previous post)

In addition, this past Monday night was my first worship service at Emerge. We are studying the book of Philippians this summer. However, this past week we had a great time of worship and I shared a message with them about the joy of friendship with God (John 3: 27-30). I thoroughly enjoyed the night, and can only hope the same can be said by all of them. I must note that any transition can be difficult. This group of college and young adults has had to say good-bye to an incredible friend and minister and hope that whoever follows in his footsteps will be a great fit for them. While I empathize with them, I also must make mention of how loving, embracing, and supportive they have all been of me thus far. In time, I know that my giftings and strengths will find their place in and for this ministry. For now, I'm am simply finding enjoyment in meeting so many new friends and becoming a part of this community.

Furthermore, three friends from the Wesley Foundation at UGA in Athens were in town this week to take an intensive course at the seminary. It was so nice to seem familiar faces. On Wednesday night, I was honored to have the three of them, along with three friends from here in Wilmore, over for dinner and a great night of fellowship. Life shared together is life fully lived. Wednesday night was a great example of that. They have since left town. I look forward to seeing each of them again soon.

This weekend, I was able to hang out with some of the college students and young adults from Emerge for one of their birthday parties. Also, I've enjoyed the opportunity to sit down with the previous Young Adult Director before he leaves town to discuss the ministry and learn from his experience and share ideas with him. What a great value for me.

Also, when giving blood today at the public library, I was automatically entered into a drawing for a new car. The local blood bank gives away a car each summer. If I won a new car, I honestly don't know what I would do. I hope the person who needs it the most will be blessed to win it, whoever he/she is.

Tomorrow, I have my first "official" responsibility in the worship service at church. Tomorrow afternoon, I get to help some friends move into their new home. And tomorrow night I will attend my first "Man Night" with some of the guys from Emerge. Not sure what to expect from that, but I am excited nonetheless.

So, you may be wondering why I titled this post 'Irony'. Well, the irony is that this morning, as I was taking the dog out, I realized that my car had been broken into for the second time in the past few months. However, I feel sorry for the thief. He/she has chosen the wrong car to try and steal anything out of. After the last break in, there is nothing left in my car to steal. Must have been a disappointment for him/her. Thus, I've had a great week and the mystery thief must have been greatly disappointed.

May you each enjoy the many blessings permeating your lives. May your eyes be opened to see them and your heart open to receive them.

P.S. I had a long list of thoughts/concepts I wanted to blog about. However, that list has disappeared from my computer. Unless my memory upgrades to superhero status, those are messages left to be untold.

Ask and you shall receive?

2009-06-18T19:56:00.002-04:00

For those of you who keep up with this blog, or my life in general, you know that I have had a few health problems this past year. As of today, my health has returned and as soon as I can overcome these horrific Kentucky allergies, I will know what "full health" feels like once more.

Throughout the many hospital, doctor's office, dialysis center, and medical lab visits, I somehow managed to build quite a set of medical bills. Insurance paid it's part, but still left me with a total of around $2500 to pay. (yeah, imagine what the overall total was) Throughout the year I've been making payments toward this and in a great measure because of my tax return, I was able to knock my balance down to around $1500 by the beginning of the summer. I was rather excited about that. Being a full-time seminary student and only working a part-time job does not allow for extra money, much less the ability to pay large balances.

However, through His provision of a free place to live throughout the summer (by way of house-sitting for friends) and two new jobs for the summer, the Lord had paved a way for me to have my medical bills paid off by the end of the summer. After eliminating that debt, I was going to begin saving to pay for my seminary classes since I have no scholarships for this coming year. I was so thankful for this provision and glad that the Lord had once more proven Himself faithful to me.

A few weeks ago, a wonderful friend contacted me and asked for my mailing address. He has been aware of my medical situation throughout the year and has regularly checked-up on me and is always a huge encouragement to me. I emailed him my mailing addressed and assumed that he would be sending me a card in the mail. And I was right. A few weeks later I received his card as expected. However, rather unexpectedly, included in the card was check with which I was instructed to use to pay towards my medical bills. I was amazed! Over the next few days, I received two more cards with checks in them from other families with similar instructions. Within a week, I had been given $1500 to pay towards my remaining medical bills. (I had to buy band-aids for the scrapes on my chin when it fell to the floor for a few hours)

Why was I so surprised? I know the heart of each of these families and how good they have been to me throughout the years. And obviously we know how good the Lord is to us. I was and remain to be so humbled by their gifts and wrestling with feelings of how unworthy I am for such a blessing.

However, I have recognized one reason why these gifts have caught me so off guard. There have been so many times throughout the past 7 or 8 years when I have been in need of something, and regardless of whether it was a financial, emotional, relational, or situational need, the Lord has met it as I have asked for His provision. Thus testifying to the scriptures which tell us "ask and you shall receive."

The difference with this situation is that I thought the Lord had already provided for my medical bills and answered my prayers through the jobs and living situations He had provided for me. And yet He gave more. Beyond what I was asking. Beyond what I was expecting. Beyond what I could have ever hoped for or imagined. His goodness is so abundant that I received before ever asking. I am simply in awe. I'm in awe both of His love and provision for me, and of the gracious and compassionate giving of friends and families who have for whatever reason decided that my situation was worth investing in.

I can only pray that their investments will bring forth great rewards in the kingdom and that all that they have given to me will be paid back to them tenfold. Their blessing in my life goes so far beyond the checks they sent in the mail. This is only a small aspect of what they have done for me. Still, I am in awe and will forever be blessed by their gifts.

To each of you I give my deepest appreciation. The family I have in you, in my church family, will never be forgotten.

May you receive all the Lord has for you: both the things you ask for and the things that you don't even have the faith to ask for.

Love + Knowledge = ???

2009-06-13T15:51:00.003-04:00

The world is filled with so many different kinds of people and so many different cultures. The perspectives and worldviews of each one add a unique richness to the sum of all human experience. For just a moment, allow me to classify humanity into a love continuum and a knowledge continuum. As these two interact with one another, most people would agree that they would desire to rank highly on both. However, none of us are perfect.

If someone has a lot of love, but not a great depth of knowledge, how would you describe that person? How about someone who is incredibly intelligent, with a great deal of knowledge, but without compassion and love? (Quit thinking of names in your head. That's not nice) And the apathetic person who seems to possess very little of either knowledge or love? Do you know people who have a great deal of both?

When considering this in the context of Christianity, we all want to find both. Christians who are incredible at loving and showing compassion but have very little doctrinal or relational understanding of who God is are not walking in the fullness of Christ. Neither is someone who "knows" everything there is to know about God and does not have a deep capacity to love others.

However, when grace is added into the combination of knowledge and love, maturation into full Christlikeness begins to be obtained. (2 Cor. 3:18) Therefore, grace is the key ingredient which allows the intelligent person to grow in love and the loving person to increase in knowledge. And the end result...TRUTH. Truth is the marriage of the knowledge of God and the love of God. In the gospel of John, Jesus declared "I am truth." And Jesus is obviously full of both love and knowledge. Therefore, as we grow in both of these attributes through the grace of God, we are transformed into Jesus' image, the fullness of truth.

May you grow in love and knowledge as you daily pursue truth, and may God grant you the grace required.

(These are the random thoughts flying through my head. Forgive me if this has made absolutely no sense.)

P.S. I am being officially introduced tomorrow at Trinity Hill as the new Director of Young Adult Ministries. This is exciting and a bit challenging. I am really blessed.

I also want to take this opportunity, as impersonal as it may seem, to let you know how much I love and appreciate you all. I have no way of knowing who actually reads my ramblings, but for those of you who read this that I do not get to keep in touch with regularly, know that your presence in my life is an immeasurable blessing.

emerging

2009-05-31T17:23:00.005-04:00

The past few months have been very interesting for me. After returning from a great spring break, I received a second diagnosis and had my car broken into. While dealing with all of that, I began to wonder what my future was going to hold. I needed summer employment, a place to live, and money to pay for school. While listening to advice which came from every direction I looked, I tried to simply listen to the Lord and follow my heart. Several options arose and each time I became aware of a job opportunity or a place to live, part of me got excited. However, I would not allow myself to place my full hope in these possibilities. I have repeatedly learned throughout the years the truth of Romans 5. The only way for hope to not disappoint is to have hope centered in the right person, not in a possible situation. For whatever reason, the Lord gave me grace to just wait and allow Him to reveal things to me. At times I felt as if I were being lazy or perhaps irresponsible. Yet, I found peace and endurance from a source not of my own. He truly sustained me.

Without attempting to explain all of the details here in this post, I will simply share where I am now. I have been blessed with free housing for the summer through house-sitting for friends. I have a full-time job for the summer at the library. In the fall I will resume the job I've had throughout this school year and am pretty certain as to where I will be living. And as of this week, I have been hired by Trinity Hill United Methodist church as the new Director of Young Adult Ministries. This ministry is a combination of college students (undergrad and grad) and young adults in Lexington. I am replacing a fellow seminary student who has graduated and will be moving back to Mississippi. Between the salary I will receive from the church and my part time job, I should be able to pay for a few classes each semester and will continue to hope for scholarship money to resume a full-time status. In addition, I hope to have all of my medical bills paid off by the end of the summer, which I believe is a miracle in itself. Still, my hope remains in who Jesus is and His heart for me, not on the outcome of even these two expectations that I have.

I am really excited about joining with Emerge, the name of the young adult ministry at Trinity Hill. I am excited about the community I will have there, the opportunities it will provide me to love on and invest in fellow believers, all that I will learn through the experience and the various areas it will provide for me to grow in. It only seems fitting that my future has emerged from the very passions of my heart and the Lord's provision.

I am very excited and a bit nervous. The next few months in particular will be very dynamic and challenging. On a positive note, the pastor has promised to work on my "single" status. That should scare me.

May we all continue to allow the Lord to create our futures and our lives. Furthermore, may we allow Him to continue to create us into the men and women He longs for us to be. Out of the brokenness of our lives emerges the hope of our future.

Ghana

2009-05-26T00:52:00.003-04:00

As many of you may know, I was honored to spend some time in Western Africa in the beautiful country of Ghana back in 2006. To this day, that trip has been one of the most transforming trips of my life. I am waiting for the fulfillment of the Lord's promise that I will one day be able to go back. I continue to think of specific people I met and places I visited while there and am blessed to pray for all of them regularly. Although I have not maintained contact to the extent that I would have liked, I particularly think of and pray for the family I worked with while there. They are the Mozley's, from north Georgia. Actually, their oldest daughter is a student at Asbury College here in Wilmore now, having just completed her freshmen year. Anyway, this is a video about the Mozley's and their ministry in Ghana. Watching this video brought such tenderness back to my heart as I recognized many faces and memories. Please enjoy:

1st year of seminary

2009-05-23T19:57:00.001-04:00

I'm done.

The significance of those 2 1/2 words are enough for their own post.

Grief

2009-05-19T13:20:00.003-04:00

This weekend, our seminary lost two students. Charles and Hanokh were both students from India and were killed in a car accident on a dangerous road on Friday while it was raining. Both were married and today is the viewing and funeral. There was a memorial service on Sunday that was very emotional and difficult. Both of their families will be leaving to return home and taking Charles and Hanokh's bodies with them. The cost to transport their loved ones is quite expensive. As international seminary students, much less seminary students in general, money is very limited.

Will you be praying for Hanokh and Charles' wives and families? Will you continue to pray for our entire community here at Asbury? And will you pray that the Lord not only makes provision for their families to move home and transport their bodies with them, but that He also surrounds them with love and support once they return home. Asbury is a great community in which to deal with such a tragedy. Still, this is hard.

Death is very difficult. Grief lingers. I am just asking that the Lord strengthens us all to progress through this process. Thank you for your love.

Being blessed

2009-05-18T14:20:00.002-04:00

I received this email over the weekend. The Lord uses the most creative means to bless us. I am so thankful and encouraged.

.................................................................................
Jeffrey -
Just thought I'd send a little shout-out your way. I've noticed this has been the case all semester, but especially in the last couple weeks, the questions that you have asked in class have been some of the best in my whole time here. You ask about things that deeply matter and in a way that is gentle but convicting. I have really appreciated the times you've shared. I don't know what your future plans are but I think asking these kinds of questions is going to make the difference. We certainly don't need more seminary graduates who can simply spew cognitive information, but friends who can connect to the power and grace of God and come alongside others to experience that. You are far more than you are learning and it seems (forgive me if I'm overstepping) you've allowed this seminary experience to be not just an education but a means of grace. That's rare, that's noticed, that's inspiring and it matters. Hope this encourages you in some way.
Blessings friend,
- *****
...................................................................................

May you be blessed in the fullness of His creativity. And may you find creative ways to bless others, even if it is just through an email.

Mission of God

2009-05-02T16:48:00.000-04:00

Where's the whistling?

2009-04-25T21:36:00.004-04:00

For the first time in 2009, I have walked around Wilmore the past two days without wearing a jacket. It has been amazing. Flowers are blooming. The sun is shining. My allergies are imploding. It has been beautiful. I am not sure that the "April showers" have come to an end. However, joy is returning.

I have always heard about "winter depression" before. How cold weather, less daylight, and being inside for so much time can intensify the feelings of depression in everyone. I am not claiming to be a veteran at this; still, I can honestly say I have really experienced that this year. With the arrival of Spring, however, all is changing. Even amongst uncertainty and the stress of life, I have found myself more and more joyful of late. And I honestly can attest much of it to the weather.

Walking to class on Thursday morning, I was feeling pretty well. After two very very late nights of writing papers, I had actually gotten 9 hours of sleep on Wednesday night (when recovering from malaria, that really doesn't seem like a lot of sleep). I was eating a bagel and preparing to enjoy another grand lecture from Dr. Mulholland. As I past several trees, I heard a few birds singing and chirping. The sounds made me smile, quickly followed by a random revelation. I haven't been whistling.

In the past, I have been known for walking around and spontaneously whistling. I suppose it has just been a way to express joy. I am by no means incredible at whistling (although trying to make my niece and nephews whistle is quite humorous). But the sounds of the birds singing made me realize that I have not whistled in a very long while. I was tempted to begin whistling right then and force myself back into the habit. However, as I thought about it, I knew that my whistling is not what caused my joy. Whistling for me had been a product of joy. Therefore, instead of making myself whistle in hopes that the fullness of joy would return, I simply became thankful of the reminder and decided that I would try to really find more joy in all areas of my life.

The past two days have been much better, thanks to the sun and pollen, and now I await the arrival of the whistling. I will not force it. I will not fake it. I also will not forget it. And I hope to soon be annoying others with my whistles once again.

In this, I am reminded that most of our actions and habits are responses to our perspectives, emotions, and experiences. Therefore, if you find certain behaviors or tendencies missing in your life, don't simply try to bring them back. Identify what their cause was and allow yourself to grow back into those areas that bring you life. Ask the Lord to return your joy, and you will find it in Him through all things. May you all find your whistles again.

The verdict is in...

2009-04-20T14:27:00.002-04:00

Just an update, for those of you who have been wondering about me.

After my car was broken into two weeks ago, a few other things occurred which made for a very difficult week. The ending to that week found me in the hospital and not feeling well at all. This made it difficult to celebrate life during Easter. However, this morning, after many tests and months of feeling ill, the doctors have placed their finger on what they believe has been going on with me.

Back in 2006, on my trip to Ghana, I contracted malaria. Malaria is not a huge issue overseas as they see it on a regular basis. Thus, I took medicine from a local pharmacy and within a week or so after being back in the States, I felt normal again. Apparently, you always carry the malaria with you after you've contracted it. And for reasons that I never fully expect to understand, it has flared up in me. Perhaps from the complications that arose after my coconut allergic reaction, or it could have simply been from a random virus that I contracted over the past few weeks.

The good news is that being aware of what they are dealing with, the doctors have a plan of action, and within a few weeks to a month, they expect I will be back to 100% health. I eagerly await the day. Thanks for your prayers and concerns. I pray this is only the beginning to the answers that I've been seeking for in prayer.

May you find brokenness in His will and healing in His power as He forms you more into His image.

Wilmore strikes back

2009-04-08T20:44:00.003-04:00

When I was preparing to leave for work yesterday afternoon, I came to the startling realization that the T-bird had been violated. Someone broke into my car on Monday night and has provided some unnecessary drama for the week.

Some tools and my Maglite flashlight were stolen. The radio had been pulled out of the dash and was laying in pieces throughout the car. Stuff was strewn everywhere. The Wilmore Police Officer filing the report was quite the character. All I can say is, "only in Wilmore do the cops stop to spit their chewing tobacco."

I've tried to reassemble the radio to the best of my knowledge. So far, no success. I will be enjoying silent drives now, which may not be such a bad thing. And the most surprising news is that this has not been the worst part of the week.

As the "Chronicles of the T-bird" add more chapters, I'm becoming more and more unsettled in this place. May the Lord provide you and me Peace; Peace that surpasses and also encompasses understanding.

Welcome Home

2009-04-07T13:55:00.005-04:00

My spring break (or more appropriately referred to as reading week) could be described by these two words: Welcome Home.

First of all, and most appropriately, I was able to visit home and see my family. I miss them a lot and it was very nice to spend a few days with all of them. Thanks to my dad, some repair work was done on my car (the T-bird is thankful!) Also, I got to see my two nephews and niece. On Monday, I took Evan to the beach. Although it was too cold to swim, we had a lot of fun flying his kite and playing in the sand. He fell asleep on the drive home, which I am pretty sure means I did my job at the beach. Here he is buried in the sand.

Here is an updated picture of Lucas as well. I can't believe how much he has grown in just four months. He fell asleep while laying in front of me one afternoon.

Secondly, my spring break can be described as "Welcome Home" as that was the theme of this years Crosstrainers Retreat. For those of you who don't know, Crosstrainers is a ministry that I have been blessed to be a part of for the past 8 years. It is a Christ-centered mentoring program which connects inner-city kids in Athens, GA with college students from UGA. I was blessed to be a coach(mentor) for four years as a student and helped to lead the program for two years while working at the Wesley Foundation. Last year I was blessed to return and attend their annual retreat. Likewise, this year I notched my eighth Crosstrainers Retreat into my belt. I honestly cannot put into words the joy and delight in my heart from seeing all of the kids again, as well as their coaches. I must admit that I also miss the kids which are no longer involved and wonder where they are in their lives.

I was asked to help speak to these kids this year and our message came from John 15:4. In the Message Remixed, a contemporary interpretation of the Bible, this verse reads "Live in Me. Make your home in me as I do in you." All weekend we wanted the children to understand what it means for them to live in God, make their home in him, as well as to understand what it means that God lives in us and makes his home in our hearts, thus no longer only residing within the temple.

I do not have time to share the many stories and emotions from the weekend. I will suffice to say that it was a great time. The kids have matured so much and when I hear stories of families that have broken the cycle of poverty in their lives and moved into new homes, or seniors in high school that are hard at work trying to decide where they will go to college, my heart melts. This ministry is truly a discipleship based ministry which is one of the reasons my heart is burdened with it. Below are a few pictures from the weekend. I did not get to take many pictures, and hope to have more to post as soon as I get them.

I have known all of the kids and coaches pictured above for quite a few years. To see them still together blesses my heart so much. Below, is a picture of a friend of mine with one of the newest members of the Kingdom of God. Praise the Lord! Knowing that Rebecca will continue to disciple this newest child of God whom has been welcomed home is so very encouraging.

And finally, "Welcome Home" is appropriate because during my few days spent around friends and students that I have been blessed to minister to and disciple over the past several years, I was able to spend time catching up with them and hearing what the Lord is doing in their lives now. I am so encouraged by hearing each of their stories. And as I sat with each one of them, I felt alive. More alive than I have in quite a while. I felt as though I was once again doing the very thing I was created to do. Before me sat those whom the Lord has given me an enormous heart for and I was able to truly love them. It is true that I mostly just listened to them. However, whether my words impacted them or not, I could not have been happier. I was able to listen to the Spirit intercede for them as they shared with me, and whether it was through words that I spoke aloud or through prayers that resonated in my heart, I felt anointed to speak life to and over them. There were a few conversations in particular which so moved my heart that it was hard to say good-bye again. I am more thankful than there are words to express.

Overall, it was good to be home. I still hate that my original spring break plans fell through. Ironically though, those plans would have taken me out of the country and instead I was welcomed home into my family, into friends and children whom I love as greatly as I know how, and into the very presence and working of the Holy Spirit. May you encounter such a blessing as you reflect upon and experience Him in this Holy Week. Happy Easter!

Need a Toolbox? (part 2)

2009-03-25T21:32:00.002-04:00

Another intriguing fact about having a "handy-man" for a father is that the majority of his presents every year are some version of a new tool. Regardless of if it is Father's Day, his birthday, Christmas, or whatever the occasion may be, a tool will probably be purchased. At times I am genuinely surprised that there are still more tools to buy him. Certainly a day will come when he owns every possible tool that exists and new tools will only come as the old ones break.

However, in the time that I have spent working with my dad, I have come to realize this is not true. With every job, the basic and essential tools are needed. Few times have I known a screwdriver, pair of pliers, or a hammer to not be used. With each specific task, however, certain specialized tools are needed. At times, jobs can be completed by working with whatever you have. Still, the presence of specified and specialized tools often make completing certain tasks much more efficient and possible. In reality, there are times when repairs cannot be made without one very specific tool.

For the average Joe, a small toolbox filled with the basic tools will suffice. For someone like my father, however, a small toolbox will not even suffice in the trunk of your vehicle. No. For my father, a large standing toolbox works to hold all of the "primary" tools. An entire workshop with multiple rooms is needed to house each of the thousands of specialized tools he has. To some outside observers, it may seem senseless to own so many tools. Why would that be necessary? But after working on project after project with him, I can attest to the use of most every tool he has. This is not to say that everyone should own as many tools as my dad does. But when specialized projects are so often being completed, each tool serves its purpose and thus requires a place to be stored.

I am beginning to think of seminary in the same way. I have often heard people refer to seminary as pointless or excessive academic training. People say things such as, "The disciples had no graduate degree, yet they were the men chosen to begin Christ's church. The only training they had was to be with Jesus."

While I understand the point that is being made in such a statement, I remain convinced of the necessity for further Biblical education. While I believe that every Christian would greatly benefit from the knowledge that I am privileged to receive here at Asbury, I also understand that most Christians will never step foot on a Seminary campus.

As I embrace a life of following Jesus and being used to further establish God's Kingdom of love, truth, and grace in the hearts of the people around me, I continue to find more and more situations that require specific skills, specific wisdom, and specific experiences for the establishment of the kingdom. Much like my dad makes use of such specialized tools to complete each project he works on, I hope to make use of every "tool" that the Father is equipping me with here at Seminary. Therefore, I continue to need more storage space to contain all that I am being given.

Although it may appear to most people that my dads tools spend most of their time laying on a shelf or in a drawer, these are the very tools which are needed in order to repair every broken thing that is laid at my father's feet. Likewise, I am sure there are things that I am learning which will remain locked in my heart and brain for the majority of my life. However, I am confident that a time will come when these things will be used to bring restoration to each broken person that comes to my Father's feet.

And just as each of my dad's tools are useless without the skill, strength, and finesse of his hands, everything that I am being given here will be useless without the love and compassion of the Father being the center of my heart. Also, without the skill of my dad's hands, these tools can be dangerous and can destroy the very thing they are meant to repair. I pray that everything I learn here will be employed with grace, humility, and compassion to establish His kingdom.

May your toolbox, or workshop, be filled with every tool available to you. And may each one be properly and adequately handled to bring restoration and transformation in your life and in the lives of those around you.

the tears fell

2009-03-23T20:40:00.003-04:00

It was a cool North Georgia night in April. I was overwhelmed with school and any other ridiculous stress that a college student gets consumed with. It was the last session of the day for the Crosstrainers Retreat and the service had just ended. Most of the kids had made their way off to the camp fire to make s'mores and to find more trouble to get into. And I began to weep.

For three years I had been involved in this great Crosstrainers program and had thoroughly enjoyed the time I had spent with Brent and his brothers. Some of my fondest memories from college involve driving around with Brent, Aaron, and Jamal as we headed off to play basketball or carve out a pumpkin. I had been to the Crosstrainers retreat for the past two years. But something about this night was different. As I sat through the night session, realizing that so much of my energy was being directed toward my own life (my studies and my relationships and my future) I began to attempt to really focus my attention on the kids. The altar call had been given and most of the kids were now leaving. However, I remained, face down on a wooden gym floor weeping.

The Lord had completely broken my heart. I was overwhelmed with a passion to see these children rise up and walk into the fullness of the freedom and the hope that was given to them in Christ. I was broken to see so many lives in only the beginning stages of understanding the heart of the Father. I was gripped with the reality of the hopelessness that so many of these kids were living in. I wanted so much more for them. And it was at this very moment, as I had removed myself from being the center of focus and had asked to see these kids the way that Jesus does, that the tears began to fall. I was given a glimpse of the depth of His heart for each of these kids; especially for Brent and his brothers. It was the first time in my life that my heart had been completely and utterly broken for someone or some group of people. And so I wept. I wept because I wanted for them. I wept because I hoped for them. I wept because I believed for them. I wept because I loved them.

To this day, I believe that very night was the beginning of the Lord's call to my heart to teach and fight for His children. It was laying face down on a dirty wooden floor in a puddle of tears that I began to realize that I had no greater joy than to know that His children were walking in truth. And ever since that beautifully tender night in 2004, the Spirit has been awakening my heart for the people of my King.

Recently, my plans for spring break fell through. I had really gotten my hopes up and now I was very disappointed that I would be resigned to less than what I had wanted. However, a few days ago, I received a phone call from the lady who now runs Crosstrainers. Their retreat this year happens to fall on the last weekend of my spring break, and she asked me to come and not only see the kids again, but also to speak to them. I cannot express how honored I am. Even after 6 years spent ministering to these kids, I still doubt my ability to connect with them. We are so very different from one another. However, I am blessed to still possess that same broken heart for these kids. And the Father has blessed me with an opportunity to spend part of my spring break with them.

So many times while in college, when I was having a bad day or was really struggling through something, I would just go to one of the communities or call Brent up and would just hang out with them. Immersing myself into their world was the best medicine I ever found in Athens. And once again, as I was selfishly disappointed about my failed spring break plans, plans that I thought would be the very best thing for my soul, the Lord is going to use these kids as His blessing in my life.

Thus, after a few days spent at home with my family, and getting to play with my nephews and niece, I am headed off to my 8th Crosstrainers Retreat. I will covet your prayers, both for me, each of the kids, and each of their coaches(mentors). I am hoping that once more, the tears may fall. May you find blessings in every disappointment you encounter as well. I will be sure to let you know how it goes.

a good hit

2009-03-16T17:00:00.001-04:00

I don't have time for many words. Instead, I'll let you listen to these words:

May you get a good hit in today.

Need a Toolbox? (part 1)

2009-03-10T15:10:00.004-04:00

My father is the definition of a handy-man. Whether it is in the context of construction, automobile repair, lawn and gardening, appliances, or or overall repairs. I have always been amazed at the depth of his knowledge and his confidence in dealing with each situation as it would arise. I have learned much from him. I'm not close to, nor do I believe I will ever be as gifted as he is at working with his hands. Yet I remain so thankful and blessed for all that he has shared with me and hope to retain as much of it as possible.

The physical benefits of having such a father are numerous. Financially, I have been able to save so much money because of his wisdom. A simple example of this would be my ability (thanks to him) of being able to service my own vehicle. (This includes so many chapters in the "Chronicles of the T-bird") In addition, the repairs that have been required for my car have almost completely been done either by my father or at least under his supervision, saving the cost of labor that would have been paid to a mechanic. (This list of benefits really could go on and on.)

Secondly, there was a sense of comfort to be had in knowing that most any problem which arose as we were growing up could probably be fixed by my dad. Although technology is taking over the world, I hope that I will be able to share some of this same knowledge with my own children one day. The same healthy sense of independence and confidence in your work.

However, there was always one very annoying characteristic that accompanied my "handy-man" father. Whenever either of my sisters or I were outside working with him, he would often ask us to hand him specific tools. We would begin looking for the requested tool, knowing that he had just held it in his hand, and would not be able to find it. And almost without fail, the tool being searched for was eventually found in the same place: his back pocket! I remember getting so aggravated when he would ask us over and over for the screwdriver or the wrench and we couldn't find it. Finally, we got to the point where we would begin our search for the tool by asking him if it was in his back pocket. Even now remembering these times makes me laugh.

I remember my mom once telling me that before we came along and when she would have been outside helping my dad, she would routinely place the tool back in the toolbox as soon as my dad wasn't using it. This would guarantee that she could find it again. However, it meant that my dad would have no idea where things were. This has always been a very humorous situation in my mind.

Similarly, I have often found myself wanting a "spiritual toolbox" of sorts. A place where I can organize everything that the Lord is teaching me so that when needed, I will know exactly where to find it. There are so many things that I am learning and I can foresee times when I will need access to those things. Not every tool can fit in your back pocket. And instead of spending exorbitant amounts of energy and time trying to locate whatever may be needed, I hope to find a toolbox to place it all in. I can see myself now asking the Lord to remind me about certain truths or realities that I've learned but can't seem to fully wrap my mind around again, only to have Him ask me, "Is it in your back pocket?"

May you find a place to organize everything the Lord shares with you in such a way to make room for the limitless amount of revelation He has left to share with you.

Into the Sky

2009-03-06T16:23:00.004-05:00

Seminary is great.
Seminary is difficult.
Seminary is a melting pot.
Seminary is the fusion of revelation.

Now that my health has returned, I have really been free to enjoy and absorb much more from daily life here at Asbury. Of course I learn from my professors' lectures. Several of them I could listen to daily. As part of the Healing Academy, I'm provided opportunities to discuss and learn numerous aspects of healing and healing prayer as well as the blessing of praying for and with people. Twice this semester I've been able to sit in on Levite Camp, a discussion of worship and worship planning. Chapel services every week provide so much sustenance for me to digest. My time spent with Jesus in AHOP (Asbury House of Prayer) often becomes the processing plant where the Lord ties all of these things together as He organizes my heart, giving me freedom to receive more, and peace to continue the adventure. Friday night dinners with my 'Not a Small Group' are incredible times of community and fellowship filled with encouragement and laughter, prayer and communion. Discussions over meals in the dining hall are always opportunities to share in the joys and struggles of life. Even listening to lectures and podcasts on my ipod while I'm at work fills my mind with insight and revelation.

And still, one of the primary places where my mind encounters expansion is in the reading of my texts. Unlike undergrad, I really enjoy most of the books that I have to read. Actually, I get quite frustrated at times when I simply do not have enough time to read all that I want to. I hate the feeling that sometimes comes over me when I'm simply reading to get an assignment completed and am too stressed to really interact with the text.

This reminds me of a Jason Upton song titled "Into the Sky." In it, he shares how his son asked him if his theology books will come alive and if Jesus will come down and play with him in the midst of those books. To get a better understanding of this, you can watch this video:

Thus, I'm asking that Jesus will come down and join me as I read all of these books:

May you and I both encounter and invite Jesus into all that we do. He brings life. He is life. And if we want to experience the fullness of life, His presence is essential.

(P.S. The book fund is empty!)

Ice capades 2.1

2009-03-01T16:56:00.002-05:00

I may have found the one thing that aggravates me more than snow/ice/cold weather. Know what that is? Let me tell you. It's the change from 50 degrees one day to 20 degrees with snow and ice the following day. And the daily/weekly cycles that we've been experiencing the past few weeks have been creating plenty of aggravation within me.

Last night, as I drove home from work in the snow/ice/sleet, I had to make a few stops. Each time I returned to my car to drive to the next stop as I made my way home, more and more ice would accumulate on my car. Obviously the hood and windshield stayed pretty clear due to the small bit of heat from the engine. However, the rest of the car became a moving block of ice.

My last stop was to fill my gas tank. I got out of the car (without my gloves because I had lent them to a friend who went skiing this weekend) and walked around to start pumping the gas. There was only one problem...the sheet of ice that covered the door over my gas tank. Problem? YES! After attempting many failed solutions to this problem, I wound up having to use the warmth of my bare hands and my breath to melt the ice away. Then, with hands that hurt very badly, I progressed to open the gas tank and fill it.

As I waited, a car beside me pulled up with a mom quickly taking her small son out of the car as he had and was currently vomiting everywhere. After asking if she needed any help (yes, I do have a heart), I wondered which situation I would prefer to find myself in. 1)frozen hands and an ice covered gas tank or 2)a child vomiting in the back seat...If you know me, then you know which I would prefer. The ice! (you thought I'd say the vomiting child didn't you?) I couldn't chose the vomit because that would require that a child was suffering. And as much as I hate the cold, I would rather deal with that than see a kid get sick.

Next, as I slid the rest of the way home, I tried to simply thank the Lord that I was no longer sick. Even as my car slid sideways across ice covered bridges, all I could do was thank the Lord for my health.

As the "Chronicles of the T-bird" continue, may you all find health and joy in this crazy season of weather. And to all of you Athens folks who I hear got some snow today, may you have more fun in it and stay safer than all of us here in Kentucky.

Expressions

2009-02-27T23:14:00.002-05:00

This is one of my favorite Derek Webb Songs. Listen to the words a few times and let it really sink in. The title of the song is "I Want a Broken Heart."

Fast forward to the 2:30 mark to where the song begins. Enjoy.

May I have a broken heart. May your heart be broken as well.

Lent

2009-02-25T08:24:00.002-05:00

Continuing from the last post...

If God wants to wear me, there has to be room for Him to fit inside of me. I mean, there is plenty of room. However, I have to empty out the space that is easily filled by all the other stuff I've put inside. Both the good and the bad stuff. I have to be empty in order for God to fit the best inside of me.

Think about it. Have you ever tried to put on an outfit that was partially filled with something else. I mean finding a dryer sheet inside the sleeve of your shirt is aggravating enough! Imagine if your pants were filled with dryer sheets. Oh wow. But dryer sheets can be pretty simple to remove. Ourselves, however, can be more difficult to empty.

And that brings us to this glorious day known as Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Season of Lent. I won't get into attempting a full explanation of what Lent is. You have the rest of the internet at your full disposal to find out more if you so desire.

Lent provides us with a time to intentionally empty more of ourselves in order that the Spirit may have more freedom to dwell within us. Moreover, Lent is a time to allow the Spirit to shine light in the dark places that are hiding within us so that the Light may bring awareness to those things that need removal.

I am really looking forward to this season this year. I am asking the Lord to do a new thing in me. I want the Holy Spirit to have not only an "open door policy" to my life, but also to have free range to truly dwell within me. I'm not asking for a visitation of the Spirit, I want an inhabitation! May He find the same freedom and room in your hearts. May the power of the Spirit so fill you during Lent that you are never the same again.

This doesn't fit anymore

2009-02-22T18:12:00.002-05:00

My newest nephew's almost 11 weeks old. And he has just moved from his newborn clothes to 0-3month sizes. And this is only because of his height. The clothes are still too big for him to actually fit his waist. Talking about this with my sister the other day reminded me of something that the Lord shared with me back in the fall.

Think about those times when you have clothes that don't fit anymore. Perhaps you've been sick for months and have lost weight to the point where those really comfortable jeans are difficult to keep on without a belt. Or maybe the holidays have left their mark on you and that favorite shirt is a little too tight. Still, these are your favorite pieces of clothes, so you force yourself to keep wearing them as long as possible.

I was thinking about this, and actually dealing with it in the fall as I had lost weight while battling with my illness. I assumed I'd be gaining the weight back when I got healthy, thus I just kept wearing my jeans and letting my belt do all the work. No need to worry about new clothes if I wouldn't need them for good.

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about my relationship with God in a similar way. Whether it comes from intellectual growth, relational growth, or emotional growth, or even a struggle with any of these areas, my "spiritual size" changes (spiritual size = relationship with the Lord). I then think about what I must do to adapt accordingly to my new "spiritual size." Depending on the situation, perhaps I need to now be praying more. Maybe my desire is to start spending more time with friends or more time studying. Perhaps I need to stop worrying about money or what someone thinks of me. Essentially, I think that I need to change my "spiritual clothes" (my actions, behaviors, or ways of thinking) in order that I may fit into my "spiritual size."

Does this make sense?

What the Lord showed me gave me so much peace. The Lord simply quieted my heart one night and said, "Jeffrey. You don't have to worry about changing (actions, behaviors, thoughts) in order to 'fit' into the new and transformed you. If I have my way, you will always be changing. If you will allow Me, I will constantly change you more and more into the image that We first created you in; Our image. So quit worrying that your 'spiritual clothes' aren't the correct fit for you 'spiritual size.' You never need to worry about fitting. The reason is that you will never fit in Me. I didn't create you that way. You are made so that I may fit inside of you. And as you grow, change, and transform, I am perfectly able to fit Myself inside of you. Quit worrying about whether or not you 'fit' in Me. You don't wear Me. I want to wear you. Just let Me live inside of you and I'll always fit."

So, now I sit. This is somewhat of a different mindset. Seemingly a simple one. Still, all the Lord wants to do is to live inside of me. I need not worry about trying to measure up to be worthy of who Jesus wants me to be. All He asks is that I give him myself, and He'll fit inside of me. After all, He has made me who I am for a reason. And He'll continue to change me for a reason. As I allow Him to transform my "spiritual size," He'll do the work of filling me in exactly the right way.

May you find peace in the Lord and remember that you don't have to try to 'wear' God. As you let Him, He will 'wear' you just as you are and fill you to the utmost. And may Lucas find some baby clothes that are long enough for him yet don't swallow him whole :)

Blog Buddy

2009-02-18T12:01:00.003-05:00

Something really neat just happened to you...Something horrific just occurred in your life...You just realized something about yourself...A revelation just became clear in your mind...You learned something new. Now what are you going to do? Who are you going to tell? How long will it be before you can share this with someone else?

We all have that person. That person who comes to mind as soon as something happens to us. It may be a different person depending on what has happened. But we have those people. For instance, when certain things happen to me, I may begin thinking about when I will call and tell my family, or how I will go about sharing this new concept with a friend the next time we talk on the phone, etc...

However, of late, that person has changed for me. I thoroughly enjoy being in seminary and have met many new and wonderful people. I have been blessed to keep in touch with a few of my friends on a somewhat regular basis. And I am blessed to talk to my family at least once a week. Still, I don't have a constant person that automatically comes to mind when something happens to me, or when I realize something new. (When one day I get married, hopefully this will change) Certainly there are specific people that come to mind regarding specific issues. Lately, however, my mind has mostly begun thinking about how I would go about blogging this event or revelation. In a sense, writing on this blog has become one of the foremost avenues I use to process and share my life.

Interesting? I have yet to decide if that is a good thing or not. In some ways, it almost seems sad. My first source of sharing is with a laptop? That seems pathetic. Yet, I realize that I am in a community and do share my life with people regularly. I continue to watch how the Lord is using my use of this blog to teach me and develop His creativity within me. And now, this has become my "blog buddy."

Lord, thank you for how you are renewing and restoring the creativity within me as I share my thoughts and my life on this blog. May you continue to surround me with your community. May I always have friends that will listen to my heart and the ability to share in their lives as well. May you also continue to use this blog in my own life to whatever degree you choose.

Family

2009-02-08T21:48:00.002-05:00

Here are a couple of photos of Lucas, my newest nephew.

The first one is him laying in his swing with Amani, his stuffed monkey that I bought him for Christmas. Amani means "peace" in Swahili, which is what my name means as well. So it is just a really cool picture to me.

I can't believe I haven't seen him in over a month. He is going to be so big the next time I see him.

I hope to get back to "regular" blogging soon. Enough of these "picture posts"

Winter update

2009-02-08T20:53:00.004-05:00

So here are some pics from the ice storm covered with snow. See if you can notice in some of the pictures how much ice there is that the snow is on top of. The snow wasn't that bad. The ice is what caused all of the problems.

This is the creation of the 5 folks from the South. And no, that is not a beer bottle. It is a Kentucky tradition called Ale-8-1.

Winter can be beautiful, when you don't have to live in it. But it can be disruptive and deadly also. Somewhere around 25 people in the state died in this storm. I'm so glad all of the ice is now gone. I'm just wondering how long it will be before all of the trees and limbs are cleaned up.

Walking around campus at night, when the light posts were illuminated, it seemed as if you were walking around in Narnia. It was crazy.

And a piece of advice. If you have a scraper that you use to remove the ice and snow from your car, it is probably a good idea not to store said scraper inside of your car. When your car is literally covered with a few inches of ice followed by a few inches of snow, your scraper doesn't do you that much good. There is simply no getting into your car.

Hope you are all safe and warm.

ice capades 2.0

2009-02-04T05:19:00.002-05:00

Have I told you lately that ice is evil?

So tonight, or more accurately early this morning, as I was attempting to drive home from work, the ice struck again! (And people wonder why I hate the cold...) We've gotten a few more inches of snow the past day or so, with more still falling.

Anyway, I was driving home and as I slowed to make a turn, my car decided it didn't want to stop. I guess taking a turn at 3 miles an hour in snow isn't slow enough? My car kept sliding until it was completely off the road. As I slid off the road, my car was picking up speed. I wasn't sure if I should expect to flip soon or if there was a nice big oak tree awaiting a firm hug from my car. It was quite an adventurous detour. Yet, none of the above occurred. My car stopped about 2 inches from the oak tree, and the hill wasn't steep enough to cause the car to flip. I was, of course, stuck! No permanent damage to the car, just another story to add to "The Chronicles of the T-bird."

After three failed calls to 411 and towing truck businesses, I resorted to the old-fashioned 911. The officers were nice enough, and the tow truck guy was especially nice; well, as nice as you can be pulling a car back onto the road in the snow with a 0 degree wind chill.

So, 2 hours (yes, I said 2 hours), a 911 call, and $75 towing fee later, I was back on the road to get home. I was frozen solid, frustrated with the $75 fee, and still all I could do was laugh.

So, this is my life: life in Kentucky anyway. I guess that upcoming doctor's visit that was supposed to allow me to breathe again will just have to wait. My car and the ice decided they wanted my money instead.

May you laugh with me, at me, and for me. I can't wait for summer!!!

snowman?

2009-01-29T21:43:00.005-05:00

Can you imagine one guy and one girl from Georgia, one girl from Mississippi, one girl from Alabama, and a "pro" from Indiana building a snowman with a few inches of snow on top of a few inches of ice in Kentucky?

Let your imaginations run!

HI - LAR - I - OUS !!!

Pics will soon follow :)

give me a foot of snow!

2009-01-27T15:37:00.004-05:00

I never thought I'd hear myself say that either. But I know that a foot of snow would be much more enjoyable than a few inches of ice. Tried driving on your local skating rink lately? How about walking up a glacier? (Praise the Lord I haven't fallen yet)

Better yet, when is the last time you woke up in the morning to snow(ice) plow trucks driving around outside scraping the roads? Or when is the last time you drove home from work realizing 80% of the traffic on the road with you were salt trucks?

You have to respect a man who would stand outside in this all night long.

And yet life remains, hidden within death!

2009-01-26T11:23:00.003-05:00

If you know me, than you know how excited I am about this. It's truly my dream come true....

And 1-3 inches is forecast for tonight. I think I want to live here forever.

Derek Webb talks about engaging culture

2009-01-25T01:47:00.001-05:00

other side of the pool

2009-01-23T20:44:00.003-05:00

A lunch conversation shakes my heart. Scenario: a classmate has been married for nearly twenty years and has teenage children. Only in the past 4 or 5 years has she began to receive and be transformed by the love of Jesus. Within a few weeks of her conversion, she received her call into ministry and will graduate this spring with her MDIV.

However, her husband has yet to experience the freedom of the love of Christ. You can only imagine how much change they have experienced when seemingly out of the blue the wife meets Jesus and now their entire lives and future look different. Mom now "loves Jesus" and wants the same for her family. She begins seminary and the family may now be moving soon to wherever the Lord leads her.

As I listened to her share about the joys and struggles of loving her husband and appreciating all of his support, while at the same time longing for him to know Jesus, my heart shifted. Jesus has really been pursuing her husband. To the point of the Holy Spirit giving him dreams. Digest this:

(this is only my retelling of the dream as it spoke to me, so I do not promise 100% accurate detail) He dreamt one night that he was in a pool, in the shallow end, and he could see his wife down in the deep end. Upon the deck of the deep end of the pool stood a man whom his wife got out to stand beside and he watched and realized that his wife was standing beside another man whom she loved dearly. It was unmistakably apparent to him that his wife possessed unmeasurable love for the gentleman on the deck. He wanted to get out of the pool and go over to where the two of them stood; however, he couldn't get out. He just watched as the reality of this situation settled within his heart. He then declared that he wanted to get out of the pool and stand there with her and this other man, for he realized this other man was Jesus. The love she possessed for Jesus was so obviously pure and beautiful, yet he struggled with the reality of the separation he felt from his wife. Jesus then simply asked him, "Do you think she wants to be separated from you?" He awoke and shared the dream with his wife.

His journey into the arms of Christ continues to this day, but my heart was truly shaken. Having personal experience with couples where one individual is in love with the Lord and the other has yet to receive His love, I was overwhelmed with the perception of the emotions that must be controlling the non-believer's heart. Their love for their spouse is unwavering and they continue to support and love him/her. However, they also are very aware of the separation that exists between them. Can you see how easily the enemy, when allowed, can take this situation to awaken insecurities, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, judgment, betrayal, anger and inferiority in the heart of the unbelieving spouse?

My heart was truly broken in a new way for the state of many families who must deal with this reality daily. I am frustrated with the power the enemy possesses in said situations to cultivate separation and disunity, where the true Love of Christ desires to cultivate redemption and restoration. We mustn't be quick to jump back in the pool, believing that we can bring our loved ones out. Jesus pulled us out of the pool and only He can do the same for them. However, we must be compassionate and seek to be understanding of the struggle that this separation creates. Sometimes our loved ones may see how much we love Jesus and want that for themselves. Other times, they may feel "cheated on" when seeing our first devotion go to someone else. Perhaps they want to get out of the pool to be with this man, Jesus. Or perhaps they want to "get out of the pool" just to secure their own place with us. They must realize that this isn't a battle between them and Jesus for who gets first place in our hearts. This is a struggle between them and Jesus for who gets first place in their own heart.

May we all pursue God, and God alone, with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. And may we faithfully wait and intercede for our loved ones to find the same freedom and peace that has been given to us.

Coffee with a Christian Korean

2009-01-19T10:52:00.002-05:00

As you may recall from this earlier post I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know Moses. He is a first year student from South Korea and he has such a gentle spirit and a compassionate heart.

A few days after I returned from Christmas break, Moses sent me a message asking if I could pick him up from the airport when he would be returning from his holiday travels. Of course I didn't mind and enjoyed getting to spend more time with him during the drive back to campus.

Moses insisted on buying me a meal or treating me in some way as recompense for picking him up. I assured him that was not necessary and it was truly my privilege. A few days later, Moses began to insist again on going to get a meal or coffee together; although this time it was because he would soon be moving away. Over the Christmas break, he found out that another seminary here in the states was going to offer him a much more substantial scholarship and he simply could not turn that down. Also he was excited because this seminary is located in Washington D.C. where there are many more Koreans, thus a higher probability of "finding a nice Korean girl." (Moses' words)

His decision was completely understandable, yet I was sincerely saddened by his news. Of course I complied and assured him that we would hang out before he left. So last Thursday he and I went to get coffee, on him of course because he would have it no other way. (As a side note, it always seems strange for me to speak of getting coffee with someone as lingo for spending time talking with a friend because I don't even drink coffee. Always a cup of tea for me. Did someone say "Chai"?)

In my own ignorance and self-absorption, I thought our time spent "getting coffee" would be an expected saying good-bye of sorts and your general "it was nice to meet you." However, I was pleasantly surprised at the depth of our conversation. Moses really opened his heart to me and shared the struggle he had faced. He understood the necessity to accept this scholarship and move to a school with a larger Korean population, however he remained confused as He had felt so strongly that Asbury was the school where the Lord had led him to come. It was disheartening and encouraging at the same time to share in his struggle.

First of all, I was so honored that he was willing to share with me. Secondly, I was surprisingly comforted by the reality that my Korean Christian brother was dealing with so many emotions and struggles that are not foreign to me or my experiences. Although I remain unable to speak any of the Korean he has tried to teach me (I still can't even properly pronounce my Korean name), our connection as members of Christ's body allowed a Georgia boy and Korean from the huge city of Seoul to search out and find another depth to the Kingdom over coffee in a small town in Kentucky. Although very different, he and I discussed the "culture shock" that we have both experienced here in Wilmore, as well as the delights and struggles of seminary. We discussed the anxiety, fear, and excitement of the ministries that await us. And we continued our conversation of what it means to be a Christian in the society that you find yourself in.

I am undeservedly blessed by the past few months spent with Moses, and as ironic as this is, look forward to the possibility of visiting my nation's capital one day and allowing my Korean friend to show me around (I've never been to D.C.). How funny is that? Helping Moses pack his stuff was filled with the joy we share in the Lord, the affirmation we've shared with one another as Christian brothers, and the sadness of seeing a friend leave.

Whether I visit Moses in D.C. one day or in Seoul, South Korea, I look forward to spending more time with a Korean Christian over coffee. I am so grateful for the expansion of my understanding of the Kingdom that has resulted from time spent with Moses. I pray blessings over him as he goes. May you continue to seek out the Kingdom in your corner of the world surrounded by the diversity and beauty of God's children

I don't mean this in a bad way, but...

2009-01-17T17:35:00.002-05:00

Over the past several years, I have developed a very strong and what I consider a very healthy appreciation for deep, one-on-one, heart-felt conversations. It may suffice to say I like being real, and really don't enjoy pointless, "fake," chit-chat. I don't mean that I am so continuously soaked in contemplation that I can't enjoy the everyday lunch conversations or the occasional, "how was your day?" I do mean, though, that I will always prefer a serious conversation that begs to dig into the depths of life and search for the truth that is eternally hidden around us.

At the same time, as those whom I've discipled over the years can tell you, or perhaps those of you who read this can attest to, I am not always the best at explaining with my words the revelations and thoughts in my heart. Writing on this blog helps me to find improvement in this. And I genuinely desire to get better at portraying my thoughts and the joys the Lord has shared with me to whomever will listen.

As a consequence of these two realities, I have realized, as well as it has been pointed out to me, that I often preface the things that I am trying to say. There is a deep-rooted fear that exists within me that others will not understand what I am really trying to say. I realize the importance of communication, and so often see the problems that are caused when what one person is trying to say is actually heard in a very different way by others. So I preface. I spend as much time declaring what I am not saying as I spend trying to explain what is in my heart. And I know this can be annoying. One of the first people that not only noticed this within me, but also began challenging me to move away from doing it was a guy who does this himself, though not nearly as much as I do. (thanks Clay!)

Thus for the past 2-3 years, I constantly catch myself exerting energy to clarify what I am saying. I am not sure if I am any better at it today, but I am definitely much more aware of it.

So I ask this: Where does this fear come from? Is it a healthy fear? I realize there are good intentions behind my actions, but I am not convinced that I am walking in the freedom the Lord wants for me when I am always so careful with what I say. You often hear adults challenge children to "think before you speak." Well I often think too much before I speak.

I want to walk in the freedom of the Lord. I want to trust that when He shares a revelation or insight with me and then gives me an opportunity to present it to someone else that He will also give me the authority of His Spirit to speak it. To declare truth. To impart revelation. To not live in perpetual fear that the enemy will have power to distort my words in the ears and hearts of others. Does this make sense? I honestly hope so. I want to always "think before I speak," but I want that time spent to be focused on the truth of what I am trying to say and not the fear of how the enemy may be distorting it in the ears of my friends. Living in this fear is straight up bondage.

In the scriptures, Jesus says "simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'." ~Matt 5:37 He goes on to say that "anything beyond this comes from the evil one." I want to be careful with my words. In my attempt to share my heart, I want to be careful to simply speak truth without feeling the need to qualify it or providing an unnecessary explanation and trust that the truth of God will be conveyed.

May I cling to the promise from Jesus that "you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." ~Matt 10:19b-20 May you and I both be attentive to allow our ears to hear what the Spirit is saying through the words of our friends and not allow the enemy to distort those words. And I don't just mean in sermons we listen to or books we read, but in our everyday, heart-to-heart conversations. May freedom and the authority of truth reign in every word that comes from my mouth.

Wading through the waters becomes sludging through the ice!

2009-01-15T11:03:00.002-05:00

With students and staff from all over the country, and even the world, it has been interesting of late to listen to everyone discuss the weather. If you know me, you know I have been freezing. The very core of my being has not gotten warm for the past several weeks. It truly aches. Today, for instance, we are celebrating a high of 10 degrees, with a low of 1 degree. With that, the wind chill is expected to be around -15 degrees. OUCH!!!

True, we aren't dealing with much snow, but this cold down right hurts. As I've continued to express, I would rather sweat my life away than to be so cold that no number of blankets can keep me warm.

Still, you know God has a sense of humor. I had to work this past weekend for a special event and on Sunday evening as I was driving back to campus, I decided to stop at Sonic to get something to drink. I was excitedly anticipating the diabetic shock of a Rt. 44 sweet peach tea. If you have not experienced this taste of heaven, I highly encourage it! As I saw the car hop approaching my window, I began to get a bad feeling. He must have been a 16 year old kid who was enjoying his very first job. With a big smile on his face, and his pre-pubescent voice, he said "Good evening sir," (yes, that made me feel old) just in time to watch the Rt. 44 tea begin its descent into my car. In his reaction to try and catch the cup, he managed to poke a huge whole in the side of the foam and before he could get the drink back out of the window, I was soaked. Now granted, there is more sugar in that drink that should probably be allowed. Still, do you know how sticky the inside of my car was?

The young man began apologizing profusely and I assured him that it was fine. This was obviously an accident and I simply needed to get it cleaned up. He brought his manager out to apologize to me as well, followed by the delivery of several random Sonic coupons. (Anyone want a 2-for-1 corndog coupon?) As I was sharing this story with some friends back on campus, they commented on how great it was of me that I didn't get upset or react poorly to the situation. However, although I do possess a rather calm demeanor, I quickly corrected them to not give me the credit for controlling my reaction. The reality of the situation was this: I WAS FROZEN! There was no possibility of me reacting. I couldn't even think I was so cold. Do you know how quickly a soaked sweat shirt will freeze while standing outside to clean 5 lbs. of sugar out of your car?

As I drove back to an emergency hot shower and change of clothes, I seriously just had to laugh. I mean, this had to have been a rather hilarious event for anyone watching. I sure hope I can continue to find the humor in the debilitating discomfort of the cold. If not, I may simply just freeze, to the point of no longer existing.

As I anxiously await the return to a beautiful 40 degree day (although I would honestly prefer 80 or 90 degrees), I just pray that the heater in my car does not quit working. That may be the end of my world.

May you all stay warm and find some form of enjoyment in the weather around you. (For those of you in the Southern hemisphere right now, I am sooo jealous)

Christmas break

2009-01-05T13:20:00.005-05:00

In as few words as possible, I'll try to sum up my Christmas break:

-1700 miles driven
-7 cities visited / beds & couches slept on
-1 wedding
-1 newborn
-1 funeral
-4 days of work on my car
-1 coconut illness
-1 bottle of allergy eye drops
-1 box of Allavert D
-weather varying from 15 to 80 degrees
-great time spent with family and friends
-REST
-College football Bowl games
-Evan, Shelby, and Lucas (nephews and niece)

Evan and Shelby. Doesn't he look happy to be a big brother?

Can you say ENERGY?

He may give the best hugs in the world!

Evan

The proud new mom.

Look how tiny he is.

Lucas Alexander Ely

I'm scared

2008-12-24T22:55:00.002-05:00

I always enjoy coming home to visit my family. My parents are always happy to see me and I thoroughly enjoy seeing my sisters, their husbands, and my two nephews and one niece. My oldest nephew, Evan, is now 3 1/2 years old and is so much fun. I can't believe how much he has grown up.

The other night, I took him outside with me to go on a "little adventure." As we were walking through the yard, I felt his little hand reach up for mine as he said, "Uncle Jeffrey, will you hold my hand? I'm scared."

Of course I said yes. I usually can never say no to him. I enjoy spending time with him and he just may give the best hugs in the world.

Later that night, as I remembered our "adventure," I thought about his simple request. The yard was very dark, and had I not walked through it many times before, I myself would have been very cautious as we made our way across it. Evan had no ability to expect where the trees were or how far away the ditch may be. He wasn't even sure where we were headed. He simply had said yes when I asked him if he would go outside with me.

So why did his holding my hand make everything alright? Why did he have so much faith in me. How did his hand wrapped in mine provide comfort and confidence for him to continue through the dark? While I don't have all the answers to these questions, they do make me think about our relationship with God.

How often does He ask me to go on an adventure with Him? I couldn't even answer that question because I so often am not even listening to hear Him when He does ask.

Why would I trust Him to lead me through the darkness when I have no ability to forge my own way through? Why wouldn't I?

How does His holding my hand provide "all authority in heaven and on earth" (Matt. 28:18) to give me comfort and confidence?

Why don't I as enthusiastically, as blindly, and with the same faith my nephew Evan has in me trust the Lord and follow Him through all the adventures He has for me?

If Evan had said no, that he didn't want to go outside with me, his life would have been no less affected as it was by our "little adventure." He would have simply stayed safe inside with the rest of the family in a completely familiar and comfortable environment.

However, every time I do listen to the Lord, say yes to His invitations, trust Him, and hold His hand as He takes me through new places, my life IS drastically affected. My ability to trust Him grows. My faith in Him rises. I provide opportunities for Him to prove Himself faithful to me once more, even though He is not required to do so. It is His joy. It is the delight of His heart. To a much greater degree than how fulfilling it is for me to take Evan on new adventures, it is so pleasing to the Lord when I truly lay down my life and follow Him. Granted, there will be dark places and I may be scared sometimes. But with the simple request and touch of my Father's hand, all peace is restored.

Once more, I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes: "Every adult needs a child to teach, for that is the way adults learn." ~ Frank Clark

I'm thankful for Evan reminding me of how glorious it is to take an adventure with someone you love and trust. When I do, life is lived. May you take your own adventures with our Father as He invites you and may the touch of His hand holding yours provide all that you need to continue walking. May your "I'm scared" never keep you from what lies ahead.

Merry Christmas!

White Christmas

2008-12-20T11:08:00.002-05:00

Growing up in the South, the concept of a White Christmas was often but a dream and desire hidden within the depth of my mind. I remember Christmas the year I was in kindergarten when we had a decent snow in Savannah. Since then, most years I remember wearing a short sleeve shirt, or at least no jacket.

This morning, I was checking on what the weather will be like when I get home this week for Christmas. Christmas day, the high is to be 76 glorious degrees. I can't wait. This seems weird, right?

Well, after the cold of Wilmore that I've been living in, and the even colder recesses of my dorm room, I am enjoying this warmth more than I could have ever imagined during Christmas time. I had to scrape an inch of ice off my car in order to leave Kentucky the other day, and this afternoon I will walk outside in a short sleeve shirt with no jacket. Amazingly Sweet!

I know many people will complain about the warmth around Christmas time. Everyone, even in the South, desires a cold, if not White, Christmas.

But I say this. Stop complaining. Jesus knows that I've been frozen for a few months now and is simply showing me His love by wrapping me in the warmth this weather. And people, it is B-E-A-UTIFUL. You may blame me if you are hot on Christmas. But just know, I'm loving it.

May you have a great time with friends (new and old) and family this holiday season. Whether you are in China, Ghana, Brazil, America, or anywhere else, may the Lord warm your heart with His presence.

Can you say "Awkward"?

2008-12-13T15:10:00.002-05:00

There are not many things that can literally make me feel awkward or uncomfortable, for the most part. However, yesterday afternoon at work, I found myself in perhaps one of the most awkward moments ever!

For your sake, let me tell you about where I work. I basically am a janitor at a private Christian school in Lexington. The school uses a large majority of the same buildings as the church that it is run out of. Thus, spaces such as the fellowship hall, are also used as the lunch room for the school, etc...

Yesterday evening the church was hosting some sort of Christmas program. Therefore my co-worker and I got there early and began cleaning so that we would be out of the way and gone before their program began. I had finished collecting and taking out all of the trash and had begun vacuuming the classrooms. As I work, (walking around the school for three hours a day) I usually have my ipod playing. Thus, if someone wants to get my attention while I am vacuuming, they usually have to get pretty close to me.

So I turned around and noticed a guy, probably close to my age, standing at the door of the classroom trying to get my attention. I stopped vacuuming and took out my earphones and he asked if I knew how to tie a tie. He was trying to get ready for the evening program and needed some help. I went into the bathroom to use the mirror and tied his tie around my neck. It would have been very awkward to tie the tie around his neck. He was telling me how large he wanted the knot to be and other random things, such as where he was from, where he worked, and why he was needing my help with the tie. He was asking me similar questions, even though he never even asked my name.

Here comes the awkward part. As we were walking out of the bathroom, he told me thanks one more time and I assured him it wasn't a problem. At this point, I assumed our interaction was complete and headed back to my vacuum. That is when I heard him say this:

"By the way, you have a really nice a#%." (butt)

Wow. Really? I mean even if he were gay and was trying to hit on me, I could have possibly taken that as a compliment. But I was wearing some rather baggy jeans and we were standing in the hallway of a church / Christian school. And he was there to run a Christmas program. Moreover, it honestly did not appear like he was trying to hit on me at all. It felt very much like a straightforward comment followed by nothing, except him standing there looking at me for what I assume was his waiting on my response.

What should my response have been? I don't know. But I just nodded, put my earphones back in, and returned to the vacuum.

I know plenty of homosexual guys, but very few have ever hit on me or tried to flirt with me. So it would seem normal that I would have been caught a little off guard. But seriously! Did that just happen? What just happen? That is all I could think. I just kept laughing while I finished working and have gotten quite a few laughs from friends whom I've shared this experience with.

What an awkward day. I hope you find this to be as funny and awkward as I did. May you find humor, laughter, and many memories in the awkward situations you find yourself in. Whether you are creating them or just experiencing them, I hope you laugh.

good day / bad day

2008-12-10T19:39:00.003-05:00

Are days really good or bad?

Qualifiers of a "good day" for me:
- warm weather
- a good deep conversation
- quality time spent with friends/family
- a Duke basketball win
- a Georgia football win
- an incredible meal
- new music
- a great book
- playing outside
- miracles
- etc...

"bad day":
- snow (or any form of freezing weather)
- isolation
- sickness
- Tennessee winning anything
- feeling misunderstood
- stress/worry
- coconut (in any form)
- etc...

These things really don't make a day "good" or "bad". The day in and of itself is just that, a day. It's the events within a day, and more particularly, our reaction to those events that permit us to call them good and bad days.

If this is true, than perhaps even a day full of "bad stuff" can still be turned into a great day.

Regardless of how you qualify your days, know this: Today was a GREAT day for me. Particularly for two reasons.
1. I completed my last paper for the semester, thus my first semester in seminary is COMPLETE.
2. And most importantly, my new nephew Lucas was born this morning and he and mom are both doing well. I hope to have pictures soon.

I can't wait to get home to see them, as well as all of my family.

May your days be filled with good things. And may you fill others' days with good things as well.

transitions

2008-12-06T11:37:00.004-05:00

I took these photos a couple of weeks ago towards the end of "fall" around campus.

Seriously, within 2 weeks this is what campus started to look like. I knew it was going to be cold up here, and I realize that we haven't had a "real" or heavy snow yet, but this has just been crazy. I never thought it would snow this much before Christmas, much less before Thanksgiving.

May you all stay warm as you enjoy the seasons and the creation that is transitioning around you.

Mirrors

2008-11-27T22:56:00.003-05:00

Every time that I encounter Christ, I am(or should be) further transformed into His likeness. My struggle lies in always finding Christ's image. Whether I find that in prayer, worship, the beauty of truth, other people, a community, creation, an act of grace, an act of justice, an embodiment of humility, a work of healing, etc... Whenever we open our eyes to see Christ we are presented with an opportunity to be redeemed.

This reality provokes me into thousands of further thoughts. The one I want to share with you now is this:

In what way do you best see yourself? Or better yet, in what way do you best see Christ in yourself? When you look at yourself in the mirror? When you allow someone else to share their perception of who you are? Or perhaps when you close your eyes and think about your life? Which of these portrays an honest reflection? The truest image of who you are.

As I continue to seek my true reflection, I further see how far I have to go in order that I may be like Christ. I firmly believe that our purpose in life is to be transformed into His image. "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18

May you find your reflection. And may it lead you to a clearer image of who Christ is in you.

Culture Shock, part 2

2008-11-22T01:43:00.004-05:00

Over a month ago, I shared with you about the Culture Shock that I have experienced since living here in Kentucky. While that has not changed much, I do want to also share with you another aspect of the culture of Asbury Seminary that I have enjoyed.

While this city and most of this state is very white, I must admit that there is a very nice international population on campus. There are students here from South Korea, India, Tanzania, Kenya, Brazil, and the list goes on and on. I have found much joy in getting to know several of these students and hearing their stories. I find myself drawn to sit with them in the dining hall and just listen. There is so much for me to learn from their perspectives and experiences. Knowing their personal stories helps me to digest all the Lord is teaching me about His Kingdom.

In small ways, I believe the international travels that I have experienced helps me to respect and appreciate who they are and all they have to share. There is one student in particular from South Korea that I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know. His name, or I should say his American name, is Moses. He is so much fun to talk to and I have so much respect for him. I already have an invitation to come visit him in South Korea one day and eagerly long for the Lord to provide that opportunity for me. As we were talking about his American name and his Korean name, he decided that he would give me a Korean name as well. Because I can't type in Korean, here is a picture of what my Korean name looks like:

This is obviously a vertical image of the name, which is how he typed it out for me. You want to know the really cool part about this story? My new Korean name means exactly the same thing as my American name, and Moses did not even know what "Jeffrey" means. He said that he gave me this name, which means "peace" because he felt like it fit my personality. What a blessing! I truly believe in the power of a name. There is much power in the name of Jesus, and I believe He will bring purpose and power in our lives through our names as well. I'm trying to get Moses to teach me some Korean; however, I am hopeless at being about to make the correct sounds to pronounce the words.

Needless to say, I find much joy and blessing in the diversity of multicultural students that are on campus.(that is good since I will mostly be surrounded by only the international students over our Thanksgiving break when everyone else heads home for the week) Granted, this does not make up for the lack of national diversity that we have here. Nonetheless, it is still a great blessing that I believe is a beautiful picture of the Kingdom of God.

Again, may you find the beauty and blessing in the diversity that surrounds you and when given the opportunity to expand your experiences beyond our boarders may you have the joy, desire, and willingness to do so.

Hurricane

2008-11-18T13:22:00.001-05:00

This is a new favorite song that I've been listening to recently. I find a lot of truth in it, as well as a danger if it truly becomes my prayer. Enjoy!

Kingdom story

2008-11-17T19:43:00.002-05:00

I wanted to share a story with you all that I find inspiring. It is unique and somewhat sad, but amazing at the same time. I heard this story this weekend and will relay it to you to the best of my ability.

Daniel Lim is the Executive Vice President of the Forerunner School of Ministry at the IHOP base in Kansas City. He is from Malaysia and has an extensive history which includes pioneering numerous missionary projects in Southeast Asia. Several years ago, after the Tsunami hit, Daniel's wife began fasting and praying for those devastated by the storm. She felt very strongly that the Lord wanted their family to take a team of people, along with many supplies, to the areas. After enormous provision from the Lord, with a full team, and over a million dollars, they were set to leave. Daniel and his wife have two kids and their youngest, a little girl not even 1 year old, had been ill and they had to wait for the doctor's clearance before they could leave. Finally her health improved and the team was off.

When they arrived, they met a great amount of opposition from the government. Their team would go around in T-shirt which read "We love Myanmar." Daniel finally approached the highest authority he had access to and told them to stop the resistance for they were there simply to help. Within days, their team had every resource imaginable at their disposal, including a UN helicopter. Thus, the Lord was showering His favor over them: a Christian group of people their to love on a country that is 89% Buddhists.

One week, Daniel and his wife and son left to travel north to minister in some smaller villages. While they were there, they received a phone call that their young daughter Emma, who had stayed behind with their family in the larger city, was in the hospital with pneumonia. Before they could return, their daughter had died. They buried her on a plot of land they had purchased to build an orphanage on. This had to have been very difficult for them. Some would ask how the Lord could allow such a thing to happen.

Within days, the dictator of Myanmar heard of the death of their daughter, and the sacrifice they had made in traveling with a sick child just to help their country. In an act of appreciation, he declared that a street in every village in the country be named after their daughter. Do you know what her name was, and what it meant? She went by Emma, but her name was Emmanuel (God with us).

So as they left the country, not only had they shared the love of Christ, provided so much aid, brought much relief, and had lost their daughter, but the name of Christ was left in every village in the country.

We may not always understand the Lord's ways and why things happen. However, we must remember that as subjects in His kingdom, He is in control and His kingdom is advancing in ways that we will cost us sacrifice. I know none of us would ever want to be asked of the Lord to lose our children, as Abraham was asked to do, but our Great God is establishing His kingdom on the earth and we must trust in His goodness and faithfulness.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

May we all have the strength and faith to trust in the Lord and be obedient to all that He asks of us. And may we recommit ourselves to the reality of His kingdom and not be blinded by our limited vision of Christianity.

suffering

2008-11-16T17:02:00.002-05:00

As I'm sure most of you are aware, I've had a very interesting first semester of seminary. I am learning a lot, although most of that is happening in the prayer room, doctor's office, or while I walk around at work for 3 hours a day, and not in the classroom.

There is so much that is on my mind. I literally have a list of things that I want to sit down, focus on, and really process. I am only waiting for the time to do that.

However, through the struggles of this semester, in this very new place, I've often found myself wanting comfort. I've found so much goodness in the Lord, but it hasn't always been comfortable (not that I was promised eternal comfort anyway). I've found myself wanting a nice, assuring hug from a close friend, or the company of someone who knows me and will just sit with me. Why? Again, mostly for the comfort that it would provide. The chance that it would give me to talk about how difficult things have been. Yet, I've realized how selfish that is. The Lord provides opportunities for me to share with people daily. It may not always be in the "comfortable" form I would desire; however, it is still there.

In conversation with a new friend recently, I heard this: "In the midst of our suffering, we need to be willing to listen. Hurt people always want to talk-to have attention drawn to them. But the real goal is to be a listener. Because God is speaking in your suffering. So I’m choosing to listen."

And oh how He is speaking. I'm just adding to my list of things to process. The joy in hearing all that He is speaking is comforting, not because of the content, but because of His voice. Perhaps I'll get around to sharing some of these things with you soon. For now, I'm just finding myself listening, with no agenda, and watching His faithfulness played out before me.

May you hear all that He has to share with you and listen to His words of comfort.

tough day

2008-11-04T13:21:00.002-05:00

So today is a really tough day. And no, I'm not talking about the elections. (I do have some thoughts on that and will post something about it soon)

Today marks four years since one of my best friends in the world died. John was killed in a car accident in Athens. I can recount for you every moment of that day. And today is the first time that I have gone through the emotions of this day by myself.

Instead of sharing stories with you about John, I'll leave you with this. It is a poem he and I discussed several times. It was found both in his wallet and in his Bible when he died, and I read it at his memorial service.

The best way to live
is to appreciate each minute
as an unrepeatable miracle.

Work at your work and
play at your play.
Shed your tears.
Enjoy your laughter.

Don't try to borrow from the future.
Accept the fact that now
is the best time of your life.

Even before I ask,
God has His answer ready for me.
His generous blessings never fail.

Tough words to live out today, but I do my best as I remember him today.

May you find comfort and meaning in all your relationships.

Death by coconut?

2008-10-21T15:01:00.006-04:00

So, a quick update on the past week and a half of my life. I'll give you all the short version. I made a quick trip to Athens last weekend, October 11th and 12th. On Sunday, October 12th I apparently ate something cooked in coconut oil. I have known that I am allergic to coconut, but I was unaware that I was eating something prepared with coconut oil. For reasons not fully known and too long to explain, I didn't have a normal allergic reaction after I consumed the meal.

Instead, the following day as I was driving down the interstate, I began vomiting everywhere and had to stop driving. My roommate and another friend from up here had to drive down to get me off the interstate and bring me back to Asbury. I wound up going to the hospital where much was done. In short, I had a very high fever, extreme pain, severe dehydration, and was somewhat disoriented. The diagnosis was a "non-allergic" reaction to the coconut that they could identify in my system. The doctor said that for some reason I had digested the coconut and because I am allergic to it, it simply began poisoning my body. All of the pain was coming from the poisoning. Have you ever been poisoned throughout your body? They hooked me up to an IV and kept me for a while to give me fluids, pain meds, and some sort of medicine whose job was to interact with the "poison" in my system and help me to start getting rid of it.

I have since been trying to regain my strength and appetite. I continue to find myself so exhausted. All of my professors have been generous with me missing class and even mid-terms.

If you are interested, I encourage you to look up products that contain coconut, coconut oil, or coconut extracts in them. You'll be amazed. I think I have finally figured out why my nose always itches while I brush my teeth!

So, I'm not dead; however, I am firmly and dramatically aware now that my death could come by coconut. Crazy isn't it?

May you all find health and blessing throughout your day and may you never bring a coconut anywhere near me! :)

Culture Shock part 1

2008-10-09T21:43:00.008-04:00

I have had the great privilege of traveling to many different parts of the world. I would not consider myself a world traveler. However, I have had numerous experiences that have helped shape both my heart and my perception of all life around me.

Throughout all of these experiences, the greatest "culture shock" that I have ever gone through was coming back to America after I spent time in Ghana, West Africa. Granted, I have been "shocked" by many parts of the cultures I have visited. But when I returned from Africa, readjusting to life in America again was very difficult. I would find myself angry and broken quite often. However, this post isn't about that experience.

I wanted to share with you about the culture shock I have experienced within the States. I also have been able to travel to several different parts of the U.S. and have seen glimpses of the many cultures that comprise our country. The two experiences that rate the highest on my "culture shock" barometer have both occurred within the great state of Kentucky. When I was in high school, I participated in an ASP (Appalachian Service Project) in a very rural and poor area of Kentucky. The poverty there overwhelmed me as a high school student.

The second culture shock experience has been the past month and a half of my life, living here in Wilmore, Kentucky. Can you say WHITEVILLE? I realize that I have never lived in an inner-city environment, although I did spend much of my time while in Athens in the inner-city (I miss those kids soooo much). However, I have lived in the South and I am now realizing how much of a blessing it is to be surrounded by such diversity.

There is no diversity here in Wilmore. In Culture Shock part 2, I will share more with you about the different type of diversity here on campus, but this is a very white city. And this entire area of Kentucky is very homogeneous. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it has been quite an adjustment for me. Some of the friends I have met here, especially those from the North, such as my roommate from Minnesota, say there is more diversity here than any place they have ever lived. I cannot imagine that. Do you recognize, value, and appreciate the diversity in your world? I encourage you to pay attention to it. Your world view will truly be enhanced by expanding it to understand and respect other culture's perspectives.

I am not trying to get on some political hot topic. I am simply making an observation of the strangeness of this culture to me. I am realizing more and more everyday the richness and benefit that comes from the varying degrees of diversity that have surrounded me throughout my life. I expect that the Lord has as much to teach me with the lack of diversity here as He has through other stages of my life, but I NEED SOME COLOR! The Lord made us all. We are ALL made in His image. And I want to be continuously and constantly reminded of that.

May you all be blessed by and be conscious of the richness and treasure that surround you in the diversity of your environments. (more to come in part 2)

Dwelling

2008-10-07T22:24:00.008-04:00

For those of you who have been asking...

So, I live in this room, with this desk, under this vent, up this stairwell, inside of this building, sleeping under this promise. Got it? Sorry, I can't figure out how to organize the pics like I wanted them.

And by the way, the previous video post was of JJ Heller singing her song "Love Me." She has some really good stuff.